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[FearfulJesuit]

I don't know. I spent two years in a horrible, horrible crush over my history teacher. That got bad enough that I slit my wrists over her. I came out the other end...well, clingy.

Am I really the only person here who has a mental image of a couple of people huddled in a shivering little ball under the covers with their wrists slit open, staring into the sight of each other's eyes welling up?

That doesn't sound healthy.

No, it isn't, but...

I don't know. Somehow clinginess doesn't make me happy, but it makes me...content?

[kaijyuu]

I don't mind some measure of codependence in relationships. Those if you in strong relationships (marriage or whatever) can't tell me you wouldn't be devastated if you lost your significant other. Life would go on, but it'd shake the foundations of your life... because your significant other IS one of the foundations of your life, no?

I suppose it's a matter of "how far is too far" along with "at what point in the relationship are they leaning on you." Huge warning sign if they're clingy after the first date... after 6 months, less so.

I don't know. Somehow clinginess doesn't make me happy, but it makes me...content?

I think the word you're looking for is "secure." Another thing that's not really unhealthy unless it's significant.

Everyone should feel secure and happy in their lover's arms. There's a problem though if they're not reasonably secure and happy the rest of the time.

[scriver]

I'm a failure.

Again.

[FearfulJesuit]

I don't mind some measure of codependence in relationships. Those if you in strong relationships (marriage or whatever) can't tell me you wouldn't be devastated if you lost your significant other. Life would go on, but it'd shake the foundations of your life... because your significant other IS one of the foundations of your life, no?

I suppose it's a matter of "how far is too far" along with "at what point in the relationship are they leaning on you." Huge warning sign if they're clingy after the first date... after 6 months, less so.

I don't know. Somehow clinginess doesn't make me happy, but it makes me...content?

I think the word you're looking for is "secure." Another thing that's not really unhealthy unless it's significant.

Everyone should feel secure and happy in their lover's arms. There's a problem though if they're not reasonably secure and happy the rest of the time.

Well, I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend (I'm het). So it's pining we're talking here.

[kaijyuu]

I'm a failure.

Again.

Elaborate Though I can reasonably assure you it's not as bad as you think.

[Hanslanda]

Well, I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend (I'm het). So it's pining we're talking here.

Neither do I. Also het. Idk about you, but I'm pretty patient nowadays. Having seen what bad relationships are like, I know that no relationship is better than a bad one. It's been two years since I've been involved with anyone, and I've got to say its a good deal less stressful to be worrying about how to make yourself happy, rather than someone else.
Plus, you have to love yourself and want to make yourself happy before you can love someone else and make them happy.

[GlyphGryph]

I don't mind some measure of codependence in relationships. Those if you in strong relationships (marriage or whatever) can't tell me you wouldn't be devastated if you lost your significant other. Life would go on, but it'd shake the foundations of your life... because your significant other IS one of the foundations of your life, no?

Of course I'd be devastated - but you don't have to be dependent on someone to be devastated by their lose. I am no longer dependent on my mother, and would not be dependent on my children, but I would imagine it would be much the same. I would be devastated because I cared.

[kaijyuu]

Ah, might be some confusion on my part: I was referring to emotional dependence, IE someone to confide in, get sympathy from, affection from, etc. If it's financial dependence and such, you've got a very good point.

[RedKing]

Coming to realize how bad I am at staying in touch with people I don't physically see regularly.

Had an email exchange with an old college friend (I was actually very close friends with his now-wife...makes things a bit awkwards at times), to let him know of our mutual friend losing his wife. He mentioned that they'd see if they could come down, but that they were headed out of town to bury his wife's father's ashes this weekend.

I respond with "Oh lord...you guys have my condolences. Give _____ (his wife) a big hug for me."

He responds with "I'll pass on your condolences, but just to clarify her father died a year ago. We're just now interring the ashes."

Spoiler: So awkward, I had to meme it. (click to show/hide)

[Levi]

Coming to realize how bad I am at staying in touch with people I don't physically see regularly.

Ug, I'm terrible with this as well.  I'm sometimes surprised I have any friends at all considering how much I neglect them.

[GlyphGryph]

Ah, might be some confusion on my part: I was referring to emotional dependence, IE someone to confide in, get sympathy from, affection from, etc. If it's financial dependence and such, you've got a very good point.

None of these are "dependence". If my wife decides to go on a world trip for a month or two, I'll probably miss having her here, but I know she's alright, and I'll still be happy doing whatever until she comes back. Emotional dependence would pretty much make that impossible. There's no need or subordination. There is desire, sure - I like having her around, I want to be with her, but I do not not NEED either of those things to be happy - that would be emotional dependence, if her absence alone was enough to be depressing. If I was compelled to insure that couldn't happen, even engaging in destructive behaviors to prevent the risk of her leaving.

Like something, wanting something, enjoying something, none of these are dependence. I have friends and companions other than her as well, so I'm not dropping all that crushing responsibility on one person. Remember that the biggest problem of dependence is having someone dependent on you, who NEEDs you to solve their problems even when it would hurt you to provide for them, is not a fun place to be.

[Yoink]

Um. So. Earlier I was reading videogame-related webcomics, chuckling quietly to myself, and I caught myself wishing I had an MMO to be addicted to, for something to do.

Yoink: Scaling new heights Plumbing new depths of Pathetic since '93!

[miauw62]

Um. So. Earlier I was reading videogame-related webcomics, chuckling quietly to myself, and I caught myself wishing I had an MMO to be addicted to, for something to do.

Yoink: Scaling new heights Plumbing new depths of Pathetic since '93!

Got any games worth replaying?
Else i can recommend some youtube videos. (still not doing anything, but you can LEARN)
Just search for "crash course world history".

[kaijyuu]

@Glyph

Okie dokie, I see where you're coming from. The confusion stemmed from me having a much looser definition of "dependence" than you. I absolutely agree with you, the way you put it.

Um. So. Earlier I was reading videogame-related webcomics, chuckling quietly to myself, and I caught myself wishing I had an MMO to be addicted to, for something to do.

Yoink: Scaling new heights Plumbing new depths of Pathetic since '93!

Haha, MMOs aren't that bad. Great for making some gaming buddies.

If you're looking for something to do, pick up a hobby. Anything you've ever wanted to make, or do? Work toward that.

[Yoink]

Well, yeah. I know I could be doing something (at least kinda) productive, the sad part is that devoting all these hours of free time to a grindfest-y computer game seems more likely/realistic than, say, sharpening my neglected drawing skills or penning melancholy poetry or learning to play the trumpet etcetera...