It hurts. I need to stop hurting myself.
That you do
* kaijyuu hugs
I wish I could find it, but... there was an old Saturday Night Live clip with Chris Farley, where Farley's character kept beating himself up. He'd make a minor mistake, then go on a long diatribe about how he "screwed up" and apologizing to everyone else for his incompetence. People with low self esteem do this; they over emphasize their faults, and thus, can't get past them. It's a damn vicious cycle, especially when it comes to social anxiety, as the self beating up isn't exactly good conversation material and tends to make things awkward (which leads to more self beating up, etc).
Stop hating yourself. You're awesome.
I suppose when I say 'normal', I should take a second to explain what I mean. I don't mean having a normal personality, but rather having had in their possessions like groups of friends and lifetime experiences that defines an ordinary person. You're very forgiving Kaijyuu, it's too bad that the rat race that culture and society accepts, is not. I feel like I'm far behind everyone, and in that way it's worse than being flawed, it's being outright defective.
Dude, you're not the only one with a messed up life. I'm 23, never been on a date (even though I talk big on the forums here
), only recently gained the motivation to move out, have almost 0 real life friends, and completed a 2 year college degree in 5 years.
You are not alone. You are not forsaken.