Something I haven't come to terms with and realized recently:
I procrastinate a lot. I knew that already, but I've realized I don't really know why, especially when it comes to things I ostensibly want to do. It's either because I fear something, or I in reality don't actually want to do them. I've thought it was the latter in the past, and have been trying to turn my actual desires into productive things, but then I thought about what I do when procrastinating. I play video games. I watch movies. I escape into some other reality for a while. Is it because I like those things (which is why I try to spend my time making them myself), or am I running from something? And if I'm running from something... what?
I wonder if I have a fear of responsibility. Any responsibility. I get anxious whenever I feel I'm being judged. I avoid doing things that I'm not confident I'll succeed at. My main motivation when forced into such things is "work hard so you don't screw up." Everyone's like that to some degree I understand, but to my degree? And if responsibility really is my fear... goddamn I am a spoiled brat.
Or maybe I'm just trying to base all my problems on one hypothetical thing so it's easier to come up with excuses, and can fool myself into thinking "just fix this and everything will be okay!" Arrg.