So I finished that crazy low quality biography I was recording today. I feel weird. I didn't say everything I wanted to say, stuff got lost or forgotten, and at the end of the day I don't think it really made me feel better, but I think I know what will...
*ahem*
An open letter, to... let's call it the demons of my past.
I am not a monster.
This is something that took me a very long time to deal with, I've spent far too long going around trying to convince myself and other people that I'm some kind of monstrous creature. But I'm not.
I'm not angry at you for the way you dealt with me, it made me feel far worse, and made the situation far worse, but I understand, I was difficult to deal with. I can get over it... even if you were douchebags.
I'm not angry at you for refusing to even let me try to reconcile and make things at least somewhat better. I have no way of getting this letter to you, I have no way of talking to you, I have no way to do anything about this situation. It's frustrating, but I'm not angry about this, I may have been at one point, but I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge.
I sometimes have immense difficulty feeling like a real human being, and maybe by some definitions, I'm not? But I am not a monster, at my worst I am a desperate, hurt, and abused, individual. At my best I am a loving, caring, person. I may have serious issues, and you may not want to deal with them, but I am not a monster.
huh... I think that actually did make me feel better.