So I may have mentioned a while back that an old friend that now hates me might be sitting down at a table with me so that I could maybe get some resolution and talk through some things that have been haunting me for a few years now. My therapist called her on account of me being too much of a coward to actually call her myself at the time. The therapist called her, she said she'd have to think about it, the therapist left a contact number and asked her to get back in touch. I said she was never going to get back in touch. She told me that next week she'd tell me if she got back in touch and we'd go from there.
I spend the week having sleepless nights, and stressing out about this issue, partly because I'm expecting it to end in failure, but also because sitting down with what have essentially become my three arch nemeses is in an incredibly scary prospect, no matter how much I feel like I have to do it if I want to move forward at some point.
A week later my therapist tells me she never got back in touch, but that we should give her more time to think about it, I say that I would rather get this over with and get a no out of her because the waiting is really stressing me out to an extreme. She tells me if I want to do this I'm going to have to be patient and give her as much time as she needs, and that we can try to get back in touch with her next week... except that she's not around next week so it has to be the Monday after. So I wait two very painful weeks. Then due to shenanigans yesterday, I wind up missing my appointment. So this morning I decided I'm just not going to wait around like this any longer and I'm going to at least talk to her.
I call once and she doesn't pick up, so a while later I decide to call again and leave a message this time, except that she picks up, and conversation goes like this.
Her: Who is this?
Me: It's <name>.
Her: Ah, yeah, I don't want to talk to you, bye. *hangs up*
... Three frigging weeks of torture... all building up to that.
I was basically filled with what I would best describe as murderous rage at that point, I felt so frigging angry think I seriously would have loved nothing more than to enact nuclear holocaust on the world.
I've since calmed down, I spoke with another completely different old friend who decided she'd be fine with me coming to talk with her, and that led to some nice things because she let me basically rant at her about what had happened and then a friend of hers called and asked if we she wanted to try this soup he'd cooked, which led to a picnic where the two of them basically let me rant about The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Holy Roman Empire, Charlemagne, the politics of the Catholic church, flyting, and whatever. This was nice, because it's been a while since I had the opportunity to do a good bit of ranting, and really ranted myself hoarse.
But there's one thing that's bothering me though. Am I being a pants on head retarded autistic when I say it kind of feels like I'm kinda sort of owed a chance to sit down and talk by now? I know it's unreasonable to expect people to put up with you if you're being a crappy person that's unpleasant to be around, but if the wounds have been given a chance to heal is it unreasonable to ask to sit down, talk about it, and maybe make some amends and put it behind you?
*sigh*
I don't know what to think.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9784171 times)