My ADHD has been killing me these past few months.
Very close to 0 productivity. Just stagnating. My income is higher than my expenses at least, but the tiny trickle of money I'm building up is little consolation for not improving myself, making progress on anything, or creating anything new. I've made a little bit of progress on my fangame and started a fanfiction; It's roughly equal to the amount of accomplishment I had in, say, November. In 3 months. This time without school to worry about, during which time I was doing finals and getting ready to graduate from the damn place.
I hate my medication, too. It's literally no different than a caffeine high. Burst of energy is all it does; still have to beat down my inhibitions for working on anything that my brain doesn't register as the number 1 most interesting thing to focus on.
I've been sitting around, reading forums. Indulging in wiki walks. Watching cartoons that only interest me due to tangential relation to ones I actually do like, and aren't as good.
Ugh. If I could direct my apathy and obsession, I'd be the most productive person in the world. But nope, I have to focus on consuming, not creating. Damn it.
Dwarf Fortress has been an enabler for me, too, crazily enough. It pushes the buttons in my brain for rewarding work; I think up a wacky system to solve a problem, implement it, and get those nice brain chemicals I would've gotten had I produced something real. World of Warcraft did the same thing, which is partially why I quit. Guess I need to lay off DF too.
Tad bit worried about my health, too. Out of shape, not eating right, not taking care of my teeth like I should, and of course I'm plain getting older too. I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously think I'll live forever, without things potentially preventing me from accomplishment, which is why I procrastinate. Justify it to myself that I'll do things later, and I need a break from stress, even though my lack of doing things is the cause of my stress.
Self conscious about body image. Don't care about fashion or anything, so this doesn't really make sense to me, but I catch myself wondering all the time if I'm one of those people they put a funny caption under and post on the internet. Just 5 minutes ago I was afraid I might have some BO going on, despite taking a shower not more than 4 hours ago.
Maybe I need a therapist so I have an appropriate place to rant instead of an internet forum, too.