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[Delta Foxtrot]

Ouch.

Fun fact: habanero in the penis hurts more than white pepper in the eyes.

The joys of spicy cooking.

[Max White]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

Think of the wounded family (and there is no other kind) like a machine which is run by weakened gears.  As one gear continues to weaken and break down, it puts more stress on the other cogs of that gear and then on other cogs of other gears.

I don't... I don't think this guy understands how some basic mechanics work. If you somehow degrade the quality of one gear by say, removing several of its teeth, or simply remove it all together, the mechanism will not degrade, and other gears will not have to 'take up the slack', it will just cease to function all together.

[Angel Of Death]

Stop crashing, Firefox.

[Lord Shonus]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

Think of the wounded family (and there is no other kind) like a machine which is run by weakened gears.  As one gear continues to weaken and break down, it puts more stress on the other cogs of that gear and then on other cogs of other gears.

I don't... I don't think this guy understands how some basic mechanics work. If you somehow degrade the quality of one gear by say, removing several of its teeth, or simply remove it all together, the mechanism will not degrade, and other gears will not have to 'take up the slack', it will just cease to function all together.

If you have teeth on a gear that are worn down, and thus not gripping correctly, the mechanism will still function, but the worn teath will have a greter tendency to slip, which causes greater strain on both gears. Also, depending on the number of teeth on the gear, you can have missing teeth and still work, as there will be enough residual motion in the system to keep things goiong. We tested that in school.

[jc6036]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

Think of the wounded family (and there is no other kind) like a machine which is run by weakened gears.  As one gear continues to weaken and break down, it puts more stress on the other cogs of that gear and then on other cogs of other gears.

I don't... I don't think this guy understands how some basic mechanics work. If you somehow degrade the quality of one gear by say, removing several of its teeth, or simply remove it all together, the mechanism will not degrade, and other gears will not have to 'take up the slack', it will just cease to function all together.

True, but I think that he gets his point across regardless.

On another note, I read through some of the roles and a few match me and my family.
Although not that surprising, considering what my mother and me and my siblings have been through (she got with somebody, didn't know he was an addict, got 'locked into the relationship', anybody who's seen this happen knows what I'm talking about, and then put up with several years of abuse and working hard just to put money back into his drug funds.

If I could choose just one person in the world to kill without consequences, it would be that bastard.).

[Solifuge]

I don't... I don't think this guy understands how some basic mechanics work.

Dammit Jim, he's a psychological counselor, not an engineer!

Still, if the metaphorical gears were degraded by warping instead of grinding down the teeth, the machine would still work, but it would grind and warp other gears. Also, if he was assuming a redundant system (multiple gears doing the same job in case of failure), one gear degrading would put more work on the ones that remained.

In any case, the definitions are not his own, but were taken from older works. They're accepted definitions for dysfunctional family makeups, and the roles people play in them. Reading about them has been pretty valuable to me, in a self-reflection sense.

NINJA'D:

If I could choose just one person in the world to kill without consequences, it would be that bastard.

Feeling anger about seeing people take advantage of others is normal, but the best case scenario is to encourage the Enabler of the Addict's behavior to stop enabling it, and let the Addict have the necessary crisis they need to have to be able to heal and stand on their own feet.

My case was an addict Mom and absentee Dad. When taking care of my sibs and I on her own, she was responsible and driven, but she kept looking for partners who were Enablers whenever she could, and once she did became a victim and stopped trying. I love her, but as long as her self-victimization is being Enabled, she isn't going to improve her life.

[Max White]

I don't want to live in a world where somebody thought of as being highly educated in any area can't do a basic thought experiment to test their example!
The spokes on a wheel would have been a much better example.

[Euld]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

Sure, it made me well-adapted to deal with high stress situations and disaster scenarios, but I'll be damned if these behaviors haven't fucked up the 99% of my life that isn't traumatic.

I'm a Lost Child, big time.  Even that amnesia thing.  I'm not kidding. I seriously forget entire situations, entire conversations, heck, entire people.  I'm always reaching out to love people then I push them away when they want to get close.  Recently I even got the chance to be close to someone and I just couldn't let go.  It was like I was afraid of them.

[JoshuaFH]

Psychological profiles of people who grew up under dysfunctional/addict parents, why you gotta be so relevant to my adult life?

Sure, it made me well-adapted to deal with high stress situations and disaster scenarios, but I'll be damned if these behaviors haven't fucked up the 99% of my life that isn't traumatic.

I'm a Lost Child, big time.  Even that amnesia thing.  I'm not kidding. I seriously forget entire situations, entire conversations, heck, entire people.  I'm always reaching out to love people then I push them away when they want to get close.  Recently I even got the chance to be close to someone and I just couldn't let go.  It was like I was afraid of them.

I sympathize Euld. I spent years just trying to forget my childhood. I can really relate to that article, it's scary.

[Max White]

It isn't that scary at all! You just need to understand what is going on.

Seriously, one of the described key traits of the 'Lost child' is poor introspection, so can anybody really say it applies to themselves?

[JoshuaFH]

But that's the thing, it's every single line pretty much, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

EDIT: And I looked over it again, where does it say they aren't introspective?

[Pnx]

I used to fit the profile for "Lost Child" quite well, but I think I've moved away from that profile quite a bit as I got older.

[Max White]

EDIT: And I looked over it again, where does it say they aren't introspective?

It is partly due to the fact that they are so disconnected from themselves that they don’t even know what they want, or even what they can/should expect.

Although they might attempt to get all their needs met from just one partner, they have lost touch with their actual emotions but can appear clingy to their spouse.

This child is very understanding of the need someone else may have to injure him/her, but cannot identify his/her own  feelings about the abuse in the past or present.

I used to fit the profile for "Lost Child" quite well, but I think I've moved away from that profile quite a bit as I got older.

Would you happen to be a middle child?

[Pnx]

I used to fit the profile for "Lost Child" quite well, but I think I've moved away from that profile quite a bit as I got older.

Would you happen to be a middle child?

No, I'm the youngest of three brothers.

[Max White]

Interesting.
If I had to go out on a limb here, and this is getting a lot more speculative, did your family place a lot of value on merit, such as athletic or academic? I mean all parents like to see their children doing well, but would you say attention was placed on those preforming well in select fields?