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[fqllve]

Day was complete and utter shit. An old friend called and wanted me to meet up with her and another high school comrade, I of course love hating myself and turned her down. Spent the rest of the day trying to run away from my anxiety and self-imposed misery and wanted to call her up and say I did want to meet them. Played boring computer games instead.

I hate myself for acting this way.

I read this and was immediately reminded of Notes from Underground... and of myself.

You shouldn't keep beating yourself up for it though, it's just one missed opportunity. Is it possible for you to call her up tomorrow?

[ein]

I don't even know what set theory is D:

Same, and I actually like mathematics~

[Max White]

Not much fun being at home. I mean the food is good, but so much yelling... I can't handle this right now.
At least when I was by myself it was peaceful, but the yelling here is really playing havoc on my nerves.

[scriver]

I read this and was immediately reminded of Notes from Underground... and of myself.

You shouldn't keep beating yourself up for it though, it's just one missed opportunity. Is it possible for you to call her up tomorrow?

I can, but I won't. I have a large problem making personal calls, because my mind panics at the thought of letting others know I care about them. It's stupid, but I can't get over it.

And I can't not blame myself either. I'm the only thing standing in the way to my own happiness.

Don't know what Notes from Underground is about, though.

On another sad note, there's a strange cat out on the porch meowing and wants to be let in. I don't know what to do... It just appeared tonight and I don't recognise it, but if it belongs to anybody nearby I don't want to start a habit and my own cat is rather hostile to other felines... But on the other hand it's cold outside and every meow is like a needle in my heart. What a great way to end this day.

[fqllve]

I can, but I won't. I have a large problem making personal calls, because my mind panics at the thought of letting others know I care about them. It's stupid, but I can't get over it.

Well shoot, you don't have to care about her. You just have to be bored and want to get out. There are literally tens of thousands of people (or more) that you could go hang out with, the specific person is completely replaceable.

And I can't not blame myself either. I'm the only thing standing in the way to my own happiness.

Don't beat yourself up over it though. That never solves anything and for me it always ended up making me feel worse to the point where I was even less likely to change the things about my life that I knew needed to be changed. Hope is a key ingredient to change and when you're constantly wrecking into yourself about your flaws it becomes hard to see them as anything but immutable.

Don't know what Notes from Underground is about, though..

It's about a guy who hates himself so much that he distances himself from everybody which makes him hate himself even more.

[scriver]

Well shoot, you don't have to care about her. You just have to be bored and want to get out. There are literally tens of thousands of people (or more) that you could go hang out with, the specific person is completely replaceable.

But I do care about her (She was one of the closest friends in my high school class), that's the problem. If I call her, it'll be a tell that I give a damn about her, and that makes me panic because deep down there's this whisper that everything I share about myself will be used against me (somehow).

...I have major trust issues.

[fqllve]

It's a tactical risk. Sure other people can take what you do when you put yourself out there and make you look like a fool but you can do the same to them. You just gotta decide whether or not you think it's worth any possible negative outcome, and you sound like you do.

Anyway, I'd guess the chances of her doing something like that are almost nonexistant. In general it's a good bet that people are too lazy to be spiteful, but this girl sounds like she genuinely likes you.

[Vector]

Bah, that's why I spent so much time playing Mafia.

1. Became very good at lying
2. Learned that it's very hard to hurt a person with most information one might drop.

[Rose]

Please tell me they'll never be anywhere near California.

I think they might live there.

[quinnr]

~snip~

On further examination, the non-teacher jig-saw puzzle teams were missing pieces!
------------
Also, today is being way more stressful than it should be. Mother had a mental breakdown, and started shouting whenever all five people (including two toddlers) downstairs were not completely silent. Queue fight between parents.

Had a little Irish dance show for parents/Christmas party. It was really fun and awesome, but my stepdad didn't say a single thing about it, other than asking my mom when they could leave. I get that he might not like it, but a 'you did good' or something would be nice.

And now I'm staying up late packing so I can wake up at 3:30 to get on a plane to AZ to visit family. At least the end of tomorrow will be good?

[Realmfighter]

Just saw a lady with fuzz for hair and patterns in the fuzz that looked like a Mandelbrot Fractal.

Turns out she just has a condition making her hair fall out.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

GOOD JOB REALMFIGHTER. YOU ARE BEST AT SOCIAL INTERACTION.

[Vector]

So this gave me quite a sad =/

[Heliman]

I want to get revengance on the person who came up with the name for this game.

"The katana is one of our main concepts here for this game, and that is something very difficult to explain, so I thought I would need a Japanese company for that," says Kojima. "There are a lot of very good production teams in North America. But I thought that if I would take this to them, one year I would come back and it wouldn't be a katana, it would be a gun with a chainsaw or something."

Oh, low blow, Kojima. Low blow.

[Trapezohedron]

It would seem Hideo played too much squeenix games. That gives me a sad, especially with the title of that new MGS game.

EDIT: Also, I practiced Moonsong earlier on the piano and had a blast. This would have been in the Happy Thread, but my brother stopped me from practicing the song, because he was going to chat with his GF over Skype.

[kaijyuu]

2+ hours of debugging and getting absolutely nowhere.

Rare but common enough to be noticeable crashes, things acting in ways that plain don't make sense, and wacky slowdown that I can't find the source of.


Argrrgabarrgragarlllgarlg.