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[Urist Imiknorris]

Why am I still awake?

[Bauglir]

Based on your current randomly determined avatar, I'd say it's because you drank too much Faygo. Good luck getting to sleep, though, insomnia sucks.

[Vector]

Based on your current randomly determined avatar, I'd say it's because you drank too much Faygo. Good luck getting to sleep, though, insomnia sucks.

... I laughed.


I really, really, really want the semester to be over.  Really.  I'm going to keep complaining about it here, too, because that's the only way I'll have the stones to keep going.  I seriously doubt that my professor will end up grading the late homeworks I turned in, either, even though they went in a full two months before the end of the semester and she said she'd take a look... I mean, I've kind of made my peace with all this junk by now, but it's still hard for me to watch it play out.  Goddamn, how many mistakes... !

I'm kind of lonely, too--it's not you guys, it's that where I'm living in meatspace makes it really, really hard to have friends.  It'd be really good for me to live somewhere else, because I finally have the social skills to do all the necessary things most of the time (occasional problems figuring out when people are trying to hug me notwithstanding).  I can't help fondly thinking about the mugs from which I drank tea, the last time I lived in those dorms, so long ago.  They were smoothly curved and white, and somehow greatly improved every morning.

Dying to read comic books, too, though I am about halfway through Bloodlines, which is a pretty good use of my relaxing time.  I won't be able to seriously read manga or any novels or anything until winter break hits, because I tend to like big chunks of time to read in.  Computer games are much more "segmented," in a certain sense.

Just got to get up early tomorrow and get to work.  Home stretch is coming up.

[Vertigon]

Miserable, for some reason. Recount of the weekend:

Friday: football game. Fun socializing, miserable night. Hands froze to cymbals: worst pain I've ever felt. Went to a bro's house afterwards, we stayed up and played Skyrim.

Saturday: sat around the whole day, played Skyrim.

Today: started the day with Skyrim, then church, a picnic, and now I'm home. Left my phone at my friend's, which is fine: the only people that are trying to contact me through it are the people I don't want to talk to.

It's horribly lonely, and I hurt both my ankles throwing frisbees at the picnic. Still, I feel like my chief discontent comes from Skyrim withdrawals, which sucks; it shouldn't bother me that much. Of course, it's probably the unbearable loneliness that comes from not being at my friend's house cracking jokes at each other and everything else, and the knowledge that this is the part of the year where I commit academic suicide, throw my grades to the winds, and proceed to not care about life, my friends, or anything else.

TL;DR: Vague unhappiness/loneliness/apathetic misery.

[Vector]

The sad thing about being older is that you can no longer pick up a stack of comic books at a booksale and meet Dragonball or Peanuts for the first time, not having the faintest idea as to what they are, buying them only because you like the pictures (or a novel based on a single sentence, an image, some scent of poetry)... and when you do make such an impulse buy, you'll be thinking: "Is this worth the money?  Will I enjoy it?" and be disappointed if you find anything less than a masterpiece, knowing that there are too many good books out there and too little time, running some sort of optimization schema for another sort of love.

As an adult, you talk with your friends and ask about what's good.  There are no more of these authorless, random gifts, no more opening to whatever might be without thinking of Consequences and Waste.

Perhaps this is possible only due to the protection of our parents, but knowing this, at least I can now think about living differently.

[ToonyMan]

Yeah I hate how much time I waste doing something.  Time is the enemy.  Time is the crime.  Time must be eliminated.

And by that I mean immortality, seriously.  I wouldn't mind that for the first 1,000 years at least and if I didn't like it I could go mad and lose my consciousness or something.  I really don't want to die argh

[Leafsnail]

And then ToonyMan was the immortality seeking villain.

[Darvi]

Hey now you don't have to be villainous to try and achieve immortality. It helps though.

[Ochita]

Yeah I hate how much time I waste doing something.  Time is the enemy.  Time is the crime.  Time must be eliminated.

And by that I mean immortality, seriously.  I wouldn't mind that for the first 1,000 years at least and if I didn't like it I could go mad and lose my consciousness or something.  I really don't want to die argh

Toony. I just think that.. Death is what gives us the drive of life. If we had no death, then how can we advance..? So use time, twist it to suit your ends, Stretch it, compact it. I am scared of death, but maybe, as times change.. I will feel differently about death.

[Bauglir]

There are reasons why my goal in life at the moment is to live forever. This is a higher goal even than heat vision, though I hope to accomplish both in the same way. I figure if you've gotta have goals they might as well be insane.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Also, you haven't failed if you're still alive.

[ToonyMan]

Yeah I hate how much time I waste doing something.  Time is the enemy.  Time is the crime.  Time must be eliminated.
And by that I mean immortality, seriously.  I wouldn't mind that for the first 1,000 years at least and if I didn't like it I could go mad and lose my consciousness or something.  I really don't want to die argh

Toony. I just think that.. Death is what gives us the drive of life. If we had no death, then how can we advance..? So use time, twist it to suit your ends, Stretch it, compact it. I am scared of death, but maybe, as times change.. I will feel differently about death.

IF THERE'S NO DEATH I COULD GO ON FOREVER GAHAHAHA

If you think having death gives you motivation you need better motivations.  Like being able to enjoy new things.  There's always new things, always.

Very very long new things...

EDIT:

And then ToonyMan was the immortality seeking villain.

[Bdthemag]

I went to the NaNoWriMo Young Authors website, because I assumed that since im a young writer there would be other writers like me there.

I was terribly, terribly wrong. Its full of either teenage girls creating twilight romance books, or teenage guys creating characters who shoot everything.

My hopes rose when I saw a thread discussing Mary Sues, but everyone in it was just saying that that phrase is stupid.

ALL THE HOPE I HAD IN MY GENERATION HAS BEEN LOST.

[SirAaronIII]

Don't worry BD, you can come roll with the cool kids aka the actual thing. We're so awesome. And stuff.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

guys i said kids referring to non-youths guys isn't that ironic and funny

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

also my characters shoot everything FUUUU

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

but it's a joke novel so that's okay

[OwlEpicurus]

I'm hoping that venting here may help me finally get to sleep, though I'm not sure whether I'm more angry or sad.

Warning:  What follows is a long-winded rant written waaay too late at night.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[rant]
It starts last weekend.  Everything is going quite well, and I'm looking forward to this weekend because I don't think I'll have a lot of homework (a chem lab report and math should be it).  I finish the chem homework that's due Tuesday over the weekend but stupidly procrastinate doing that week's lab report until Monday.

Monday:  After eating lunch at about 2:00 pm, I get a horrible stomach ache, accompanied by nausea, that lasts for the rest of the day.  I try to finish the lab report, but it's just not happening.  I'm allowed one full-credit late lab report per semester, so, figuring that since there's only four more reports after this one, and I'm not too likely to get sick during that time because I have a decent immune system, I decide it'll be fine if I take it this week.

Tuesday:  The chem professor moves the due date for the homework (not the lab report) from Thursday to Monday.  So, like all good freshmen, I decide I can just do it over the weekend.

Wednesday:  In the evening it dawns on me how much homework I've left myself this weekend, but there isn't much I can do about it.  Thursdays I don't have much time, so the earliest I'll get to work on it is Friday.

Friday:  I wake up with a sore throat.  As the day wears on, it develops into a sore throat + low-grade fever.  It's probably just a cold, so I see no reason to go to the doctor for it.  I still don't manage to get anything done that day.

This is when my stupidity collides with my bad luck.

Saturday:  Now the cold hits in full force.  I finish the chem homework, but, after spending five (six? seven?) hours on the six-question-long math assignment, I had only finished two questions.  I would have spent more time on homework, but frankly all I wanted to do was sleep the entire day.  I get to bed at 1 am, having worked on homework almost every second I wasn't eating or asleep.

Sunday:  I wake up at 11 am to my mom calling me to pester me about getting a winter coat (the one I brought with me is pretty much just an expensive windbreaker because last year someone stole the inner jacket while I was at an Honors Society meeting).  I have almost no voice, but she doesn't care, and she gets upset with me when I don't want to talk.  I finish as much of the math as I can (to anyone thinking of taking an honors linear algebra course:  that class is hard) and finish last week's lab report.  I don't get a chance to start this week's, but overall I'm satisfied with my progress.

But wait, the day's not over yet!  My roommate left the dorm at around 6 pm, presumably to go eat dinner.  I work on my chem for one hour...two hours...three hours...four hours...until I finally finish it at around 10 pm.  But she still isn't back yet.  Huh?  I don't really want to go to bed until she gets back because I know how annoying it is trying to do stuff in the dark, so I stay up to almost 1 am.  I walk down the hallway and ask the floor mentor whether she's seen my roommate.  The mentor says she was taken to the hospital because of a cut on her leg.  Nothing too serious, but why on Earth didn't it occur to her to tell me?!?  She lives about 20 feet down the hall; the least she could have done is walked over to my door, knocked, and asked if I'd already heard about it.

Monday:  I finally go to bed a little after 1 am.  I didn't get to the store this weekend, and I realize I'm out of conditioner.  Great.  I'm a little worried about my roommate, and, although my fever is gone, I now have an annoying cough (as in "it's not horrible but I bet it's going to keep me up all night anyways").  I can't get my mind off of homework, however, so as soon as I get into bed my brain starts pestering me about two of the questions on the math assignment.  I eventually come up with a solution, which I then test in my head, and, even though it didn't pan out, it was enough mental stimulation that now I'm definitely not getting to sleep for a long while.

Around 4 am, I check the clock again and I wonder when my roommate will get out of the hospital.  One thought leads to another, and I end up thinking about my dad.  About a month ago I learned that he has esophageal cancer, which has a five year survival rate of 15%.  I don't usually get emotional about things, so the full meaning of this still hadn't sunk in yet.  Until right at that second, of course.  So in addition to all of the other things I can't stop thinking about, I have to contend with the fact that there's a good chance I won't have my dad anymore by the time I get to grad school.

At this point I get up and try to work on this week's lab report for a bit.  I'm obviously not going to fall asleep while just lying in bed, and I need to get my mind off of things.  I outline the thing and fill in some basic information, then spend ~10 minutes looking at blogs to help get me thinking about something other than homework and illnesses and the like.  I also started looking up where my professors' offices are so I can drop off my homework in the morning; I decided if I couldn't fall asleep within the next hour, I'm not going to class.  I already only just barely manage to stay awake for my Monday morning classes anyways, so I can only imagine how bad it will be today.  What's the point in going if I'm just going to sleep through it?

Fast forward another hour.  I'm still not asleep.  At this point I say "screw it" and try to think of something, anything that can help me get even 1-2 hours of sleep.  I have a chem test on Tuesday and, while I don't really need to study for it, I would appreciate not being a zombie when I take it (remember, I still have most of that other lab report to do today, and I have other commitments until ~6 pm).  I've heard that talking about/writing down things that stress you out can help alleviate that stress.  And that's why I'm here.

[/rant]

I know my situation probably isn't as bad it seems to me right now, but...yeah.  I need sleep.

Also, while checking to see if this post would be appropriate for this thread, I saw that one my favorite authors from when I was younger died earlier this year.  This is going to be one of those weeks.