Oh, fuck it. I'm starting over on Facebook in a week or two (already shut down the account; can't delete the email address, but I can swap out the password to gibberish; gonna jettison one of my gmail accounts too [not the one you guys have], I guess, and my livejournal account [plus its embarrassing Hetalia fanfiction, thank god] has already been deleted), and this time I'm doing it right. Only people I actually want to hear from and can best contact through that medium. Thyme and I can hang out on our little 5-person forum, which is actually fun, and this seems the best way to remove connections between myself and the ex so that this doesn't happen again.
Other than dropping this forum, as well.
If you (you know who you are) are reading this, I'll put it this way. I annotated books for you, took a lot of blame, tried my damndest to do everything you asked of me, loved you half to death (literally), tried to help you look good, even sat through your saying you didn't understand the point of Valentine's day and let it pass by, managed to deal with your saying every problem with the relationship was actually mine. I let you shut me out of my circle of high school friends--our D&D group, remember? That was the entire collection of friends I had managed to make in that time. I even tried to be a good post-breakup girlfriend once I'd stopped being totally insane, "continuing to be friends" and all that, but in the end I was actually incapable of doing it. I was too frightened of being judged by you. I apologized for everything I did, and I'll gladly do it again. I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry. Not that I started what I did, but that I didn't do what I should have in so many cases.
Because love is a vow, not a feeling, and you don't choose who you make pacts with, or to whom you are obligated, or what you owe to a particular situation. It has nothing to do with what one wants, and everything to do with who and how one is.
And so, whether the slate is even or not, this isn't about getting out "ahead," whatever that means. I've spent a long time carefully making friends here. If you had been here and friendly and well-entrenched with the locals, then I would cede here, too, gladly, because it wouldn't be home. But this is my place. In some senses, it is of me, part of who I am, just as I am part of what it is. We belong to each other.
Everywhere else you go is loyal to you. This place is loyal to me. To cede my last safe harbor for someone already so gifted would be inappropriate. You have four years on me, anyway. You had time to make your place here.
So yes, I am going to stay here, I am going to keep my same screenname and food avatars and painfully recognizable self, and I am going to keep bitching about whatever I feel like. This isn't about you anymore.
Wishing you the best in all things,
"The prince of mathematics"
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9719997 times)