Oh. Oh god. Oh jesus thanks. I don't know if I'm stupid or if I'm easily amused. But that edit made me laugh Scaraban. Thanks. Just thanks. I feel ever so slightly better already.
END OF DISCUSSION.This goes for you too Ve-
Yeknow what, it goes for damn near everyone here.
So.......
I think I need to come off my meds.
It's something I try very hard not to think about because if you do you wind up blaming everything on the medication.
I'm happy. -Meds
I'm sad. -Meds
I'm tired. -Meds
I feel vaguely neutral. -Meds
Someone posed the question, "Do you feel better than you do off the meds?" a while back, and frankly I don't know. All I know is I spend most of my time in an emotional stupor, and I don't know up from down when it comes to my mental status.
I think in a lot of ways they work. I don't feel that depressed a lot of the time. But I feel very... drained of emotion.
I know I'm borked... badly. And it feels like medication is the only way that's ever going to be fixed, but if I came off the meds at least I'd know all my problems are mine.
Trouble is, I'm very worried if I come off the meds I'll still find myself mentally fumbling around and being generally insane. Which is a scary prospect. Knowing it's all really me.
Then there's the fact that once I'm off them, they're supposed to be less effective when I go back on. That's been the major reason why we haven't stopped them in the past. So what it's a huge mistake, that will never allow me to get out of this.
The biggest reason I haven't done anything about this before has been because being in a stupor is better than feeling awful all the time. I've always had the feeling that I'm borked, and going to be borked no matter what. So isn't it better to at least not feel so bad about it?