God I'm a horrible person sometimes.
So're we all. *Internet Hug?*
EDIT: Added some emphasis to the quote for clarity.
Thanks, I'll take it, if you'd be so kind. [deflated, hugs]
I'm not sure I like what I'm becoming. My first instinct is always to "prove" things, gather evidence, etc. Just because it works at work, doesn't mean it works outside it.
Inclinations to prove things not serving me well: 1.) For example, I hired a freaking private investigator instead of talking to my friend, who is now in rehab, about why she didn't take the money though she didn't have food (drugs). Why didn't I just talk to her instead?
2.) Before that, instead of talking to her, I tried to deceive her in order to give her the money she needed for food, again, instead of talking to her. To be fair she wasn't accepting it when I offered, but I don't think that's an excuse necessarily.
3.) Whenever I hear a story that's honestly quite tragic, I'm not thinking about the human components of it, only the legal. I just used the phrase "human components," that tells me something right there. I don't see a murder victim, I see elements of a crime and defenses to it. I don't see a poverty stricken family, I see the legal processes that go with that. Same idea. I do take some comfort in the fact that I came by it honestly, but I still don't like that my mind works that way. It's just numb....
4.) I'm overall not a passive, contemplative person, as I'd like to be. I'm active, and to be honest, aggressive. I used to tell myself this was pretty much camouflage for appearing straight, and while that might be partially true, it partially isn't. I still do it in those rare settings that's not an issue.
5.) I never quite relax about things, any of them.
6.) I'm also drinking more than I'd like to compensate for numerous things lately. I truthfully don't think I'm an alcoholic, but then that would be what an alcoholic might say. That's troubling. Perhaps I'll have a talk with someone next time I visit my friend to make sure.
7.) Makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
Stuff like crystal meth aka ice etc only lasts a VERY short while. e.g. u get really high for like 30 seconds, then you need another hit to maintain that feeling. And it ain't cheap per gram pr whatever they sell it as so basically you can consume as much as you have in $$$$. There's a killer hangover effect though, but the users just take even more to cover that feeling up.
Apparently yes, that seems to be about what I'm hearing. Explains where her money went.
Oi hey, stop looking there. At that past deal. Go a bit back and look at the first thing you typed. "after some rehab". Your friend is dealing with this addiction yeah? Trying to make an improvement. You did exactly what you wanted, you helped your friend deal with whatever issue they were having that was starving their family of money. And you realized how much your friend cares about you as a bonus.
I really don't know enough about the situation to say for sure, but it seems you were a key part in getting your friend into rehab. If you didn't do what you did and travel down that path would the situation be better than it is now?
Kick back and have a cool one, you are an awesome person. Even awesome enough that your friend is chummy enough to tell you this. I would make some comment on having balls to do this but I don't know if that sort of joke would be ironic or super ironic.
I appreciate that, honestly. I wonder if I could've gone about it differently, better. Less lying/more openness? Granted, with this kinda thing, it's quite possible individuals who are addicted would lie about their habit, but it appears she doesn't....
Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad she's in rehab.