I seem to fall into a sort of calamity as well. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully connect with anybody around me. I think I've tried before when I was younger however at some point I stopped even bothering to mention any interests I have because I already know it won't interest anybody, heh. Instead I usually remained quite and made any comment when pushed upon. I portrayed the image of some successful child who has made all the right decisions in life (no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no swearing, daily healthy routine, proper speaking, good grades, successful career onward to college, uh etc etc) with proud parents and family however I can't say this is very enjoyable at all. I always wondered why other students had the motivation to not do their school work or to drink and smoke weed and now I'm pretty confident I know why. It's not very fun to do anything I'm doing. I realized I didn't enjoy doing school work probably half way through High School however I kept doing that anyway and I got some money and a medal for it! Does it make me happy? No.
Also, since I am growing up into a young adult now I am "allowed" to see the more adult side of my family if that makes sense. When I went up to Maine last week I continued to see my family behaving differently from what I can remember. I had always thought of my Dad as some Greek God who knew everything there was to know about anything however in reality I really know that all the facts and knowledge he has is from the History Channel and word of mouth. Also, since I am an "adult" other adults will now constantly swear and openly discuss activities like smoking weed or something. I've probably saw my Dad prepare more "bulbs" or whatever you call them more times last week than I have ever seen in my life. I know this shouldn't bother me and I say it doesn't bother me but seeing my Dad do everything I've promised not to do is kinda disheartening because it makes me realize I don't have any role models besides myself.
I guess I should bad mouth my Mother and Step-Dad because they aggravate me too. The two have no ability to manage money and are poor in economics. I feel too educated sometimes and I know sounding arrogant is a bad trait but bear with me. Besides not being able to pay for the house I've lived in for probably a decade they still spend loads of money on cigarettes and gambling. Tons and tons of gambling, they go to the casino almost weekly. I suppose it could be enjoyment for them but it is too costly and expensive. I try my best not to over spend any money and here are my own parents wasting more money per day then I spend in a month. You can't even say they pay for the bills anymore because we're at our Grandmother's! The only thing they pay regularly is to my Grandmother because they have the decency for that at least since we use up water and electricity and such. My parents are so immature too! My Mom and Step-Dad always get into arguments over the most trivial subjects and they act childish. Like my Mom will ignore him and it was even so bad at one point (when I lived at my old house) that the cops came quite frequently. I have no idea how I grew up to become who I am when I'm surrounded by a family like this, if you can call it a family. The only thing I like about my parents is that they're nice people to me. I'm not sure if it's because I do well publicly but I can never imagine my Mother or Father ever hurting me or rejecting me. They just make all the wrong choices everywhere.
I'll probably get more friends when I go to college.
Hmmm, when I was at the cabin in Maine I was mostly with my Dad's parents the entire time. On a positive note I learned the two are really funny people and a successful couple since they've been married for quite a long time. I'm sad to say this is one of the few couples I actually know. It's like nobody can ever get along with each other or something. They still have traits that aggravate me but I guess everybody will right. When I came home my Pepere wanted me to come over to hang out anytime I wanted to so that's nice. I just feel like everybody is pressuring me to do everything though. Must maintain social contact with everybody at all times and also do everything I am "suppose to" while nobody else does.
Oh, and I guess lastly I should mention I think it's funny some people have impressions still that I am an offbeat, positive, aloof person because I can only see the very latter as true. And even so it just disappoints me and feels wrong like everything else because I am clearly showing my feelings here.
I spy a contradiction somewhere.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9802062 times)