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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9796894 times)

ToonyMan

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32790 on: July 12, 2011, 06:23:51 am »

Hmmm.  I still don't feel too much different at all, that is, kinda soul-sucking indifferent mood.  Although I guess when your environment doesn't change there's no reason why you would change anyway.  I could accept my setting if I wanted to.  It would be really easy, and in few instances I do feel like I have accepted it subconscious.

I really really need to enjoy life more.  And it's my fault.  I can't seem to get an emotional reaction from most things anymore so I'm always seeking out new works of fiction or sometimes games to stimulate me.  Some do effect me of course, to be the point of an inner happiness momentarily.  Those are quite few, however I do love when it happens.  It's sad because it happens so infrequently, that burst of energy and excitement.  I've hit the point where I find it impossible to do the same thing twice, impossible.  I can only see my self going through an experience twice if there is someone new beside me.  Someone I can see for new responses and reactions.  That's all I want.  Although I get the feeling everybody is like this and I'm just batting at the air here, hee hee hee.

Being obsessive isn't good.  Being obsessive always leads to disappoint for me.  That's why I need to move on when something is over.  I can't keep trying to revive something that is already dead, there's no point, move on.  I must have done this at least hundred times in my life by now and I feel it's the right decision every time.  Plus, if something new does come you don't even have to wait since it just comes as a surprise to you.  I like surprises.



Now, I don't know where I was going with what I just said, but whatever I kinda enjoy just speaking freely to nobody.  I have noticed that I always seem to make unresponsive posts when I'm being serious.  It's not really another persons fault if what I'm saying is either difficult or awkward to respond to, I understand that.  However it does bug me when I bleed my heart out to nobody but speaking in ALL CAPS or saying something 'witty' gets like a quote pyramid.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to be more, well, engaging?  Maybe I need more courage to speak to people about what I actually like.  I know it would be a difficult hump to get over, but once I'm over it should be flat at the top, right?  I know I've mentioned this before but my interest in anime, manga, light/visual novels, you know that crap, or pretty much anything is kept completely hidden to everybody around me yet it's what I spend almost all of my interest and time in.  This is probably most likely because I have a really hard time with people judging me.  I guess that would explain the straight face and "I don't want any problems" attitude I always have with people, since I really don't want anybody to yell, scold, or insult me.  I can't see why anybody would want that...

Maybe just opening up in general would work.  I don't necessarily have to speak to my parents about everything at one time but maybe speaking to them about something would work and I can just go from there.  I really have no hope for friends though to be honest.  I mean I might have been able to work out something with my High School friends, but I have one small problem and one big big big problem.  The small problem is I live in a town that's at least forty minutes away from my home town now so getting to my friends would be a pain, plus I'm a horrible person who hasn't gotten their driver's license yet.  I'm weak.

The larger problem though, is that I really share no interests with my friends.  :P  It has always been this way I just have been able to work my way in somehow over my four years of High School.  At first I rejected common interest, but now I just live mutually not caring at all.  I know there are always people out there you can befriend and love because even though I share no common ground with my closest friends I still love them very much.  I can name five right off the bat that are just really really cool people that are just fun to be around with no matter the circumstances.  Actually, one of my close friends is going to the exact same College as I am, same campus and everything.  I hope we share classes no matter what the odds are.  Even if we don't have any same classes I'll try to get a cell phone before the semester starts and most probably bump into him one day...or just ask him on Facebook.  Yeah go Facebook.  Actually...I could talk to all these people right now if I wanted to, but the thing is the magic doesn't work online for them.  I will always know them by what I felt being in their presence.  I guess I could arrange a hang out time with them, but I don't do well with "hanging out".  Hrrrm, plus as I said before it would be difficult to travel all the way there, with my non-existing car.

Well, with that discrepancy still unresolved I don't know what to do.  I don't really see my self ever having the motivation to do this anyway.  :\  Maybe during college when I'm doing stuff and being super super busy, but not now.  Now is just, introverted summer.  I like breaks for the freedom, but I realize that rewards are always sweeter when you actually earn them.  Say, one day you open the refrigerator and take a bottle of water out and drink it.  That was some good water right?  No, no it was very plain wasn't it.  But now, imagine you just finished mowing the lawn on the hottest day of the year, how does that water taste now?  Great doesn't it.  Yeah you've probably heard this a bazillion times I don't know what I'm doing.  The same goes for my life.  Finishing up a good day of working feels really great.  Hardships should always lead to peace, that's what I think.  Hrrm, or maybe I could just deal with it and just force myself to enjoy it.



Okay I think I really lose my place there.  This is the same reason why my writing grade on the SAT was so low, not that it mattered because the college I wanted accepted me with no qualms.  Speaking of academic achievements I guess I should mention I ended up as #7 for my whole class.  I was one of the three guys to be top ten, along with my other best buddy who is going to the same college as me.  I would have liked to be valedictorian, but there is always somebody better than you.  Even with my 97 NGA for all four years there was six people with even higher grades.  I really wonder how they manage to work so well and not break since I was close to.  I know they probably got stressed out since we're all human, but for them to keep going is a great trait I guess.  I'm not sure if I even deserved the medal I received because there was no love in my work.  It was all mechanical garbage that has always worked for me my whole school life.  The only reason my grades were so high were because I just did my work every single day correctly.  I was a real big jerk to my teachers sometimes, especially during the Senior year and I'm sorry about that.

I don't usually like talking about what I just said because I know people will always have jealously or envy crop of, even if they don't want to mention it and be nice.  I now it happens to me.  You know how envious I was of this years valedictorian?  There can only be one for each school though, and her work was better than mine.  I have already accepted that I just need to mention it for some reason.  You just need to accept and move on, as I said earlier.

Well, anywho, I think I made my point today.  I'm not sure what that point is but maybe you like reading into people's psyche I much as I do.  And this will almost always be obligatorily in the sad thread.  It's like a really tall well you fell in by accident and can never climb out of without help.
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KaelGotDwarves

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32791 on: July 12, 2011, 06:41:58 am »

Toony - Please don't take this as a personal indictment of your lifestyle, but I genuinely think it would help you.

Go outside and explore more.

There is life beyond the windowsills of reality that we call our keyboards and peer through monitors out at. Sometimes we find ourselves in the same day to day grind with no escape in sight.

It's times like these when my creeping depression sneaks back on me that I say, "fuck it" and take it to the world. We could be doing anything in the world, with anyone in the world - the possibilities dance slightly outside the realms of our perceptions, within the confines of our ability to learn, trust, and love. Tell yourself that you don't need money. You don't need attention. Just take to the road and stars with nothing but yourself and your own abilities. There are places out there that you can see that you have never seen, things to learn that you have not yet learned, and friends that you have yet to meet - and you might not see, learn, or become friends with them because of limits, because of our failures as human beings, because we have only so much life before our physical shell breaks down - but make the effort anyhow. To do so in spite of all possibilities and odds against us, that is to develop strength, courage, love.

And in doing thus, we create for ourselves the meaning in our lives - and make a few friends along the way.

No excuses, you start living the way you want to live - today - or work your way up to that point, mentally and physically stronger every day. Take chances, make mistakes, get messy ;)

Grimshot

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32792 on: July 12, 2011, 06:50:24 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 I can't help with friendship, I haven't been successful in that. I will say that opening up will help a lot, or atleast it has helped me a lot.
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Miggy

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32793 on: July 12, 2011, 07:40:49 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Wholeheartedly agree.

The year before I moved off to college I had a year off. I did nothing the entire year but sit inside of my room playing video games. I barely ate, I didn't socialise with anyone but my internet friends, I didn't go outside unless the circumstances required it. I was a die-hard turbo-nerd, and pretty apathetic too.

Moving to college changed everything. I simply sat down and decided with myself: No more. I will not sit inside and turbo-nerd it out. I do not have fun, in fact it makes me miserable.

The grand change of scenery and situation really helped overcome everything. I now barely play any videogames whatsoever. All the time I used to spend on video games I now spend on learning the piano instead. I'm acquiring a skill I didn't have before and I am genuinely friggin proud of myself.

Before, in what I guess is equivalent to the american high school, I never really tried hard to earn my grades. I've always had the things come pretty easy, I'm almost priviliged in that way, but I never tried to focus and channel it, I never tried to aim for the stars and see how far I got. Now I genuinely do study for my grades and it is paying off. My first year of uni I got straight A's, highest marks possible. My team mates nearly consider me inhuman because of the apparent ease I have with the things, but I know it is because I work for them, so I do not feel embarrassed or ashamed of being priviliged.

I still struggle with social things, but now I am proud of who I am, how I got here and of what I can become. While I find some things difficult, I am certain that I can work it out with time. Even now, I find a lot of social workings much easier than I have ever before.

Tl;dr when I moved off to uni, I decided to change everything and get a life. It was remarkably easier than what I had anticipated, and remarkably better too. Discarding the methods I used to work with did not feel like abandoning my personality, or betraying my identity. It felt like cleaning up in the things that was wrong with me, leaving only the things that was right. And now I feel clean and so much better.
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Bauglir

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32794 on: July 12, 2011, 08:49:52 am »

@Toony

I don't know if I've had any similar experiences, but I do know that last winter, I was getting to a point where I didn't care about much of anything. No friends I hung out with, really, and on the occasion I did, it felt like an obligation more than anything I wanted to do. Only did stuff to get my work done and get through the day, so that I could play some game or sleep or something else where I didn't really have to think. I don't know if your mind works the same way mine does, but the best thing that worked for me was starting to make things. Just some craft that you can work on for hours at a stretch and have some real, tangible thing to show for it at the end. But, regardless. Good luck.
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“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Jopax

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32795 on: July 12, 2011, 09:30:41 am »

Toony sorry but it's too hot for me to read trough all that and give any kind of advice X)

And on the topic of weather, you know how wikipedia says that it can get punishingly hot in my city, well this is one of those days, the sky is very cloudy, but it's still rather sunny, there is no real difference in temperature between sunlit parts and those that are in the shade.And while i was taking what turned out to be a pointless trip up the hill i saw on one of the thermometers 39 degrees, so yay, time to stay indoors for a few days and hope my windows don't melt.
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Lysabild

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32796 on: July 12, 2011, 10:00:28 am »

And on the topic of weather, you know how wikipedia says that it can get punishingly hot in my city, well this is one of those days, the sky is very cloudy, but it's still rather sunny, there is no real difference in temperature between sunlit parts and those that are in the shade.And while i was taking what turned out to be a pointless trip up the hill i saw on one of the thermometers 39 degrees, so yay, time to stay indoors for a few days and hope my windows don't melt.

I'd die where you live, I think 25 degrees is HOT and I want to die at 30. :<
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Rose

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32797 on: July 12, 2011, 10:01:08 am »

Why do I get the feeling that there are references being made to a subculture that I am not part of?

Maybe.

mostly people that either like reading TG stories, or superhero stories, or just like having a collection of stories in one universe that's freely available. (I'm in the last one)
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The Merchant Of Menace

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32798 on: July 12, 2011, 11:05:31 am »

Bleh, The 12th's being held where I live this year.
I hate marching bands >,<
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Grimshot

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32799 on: July 12, 2011, 11:34:24 am »

 Looks like I do have a fever. My normal temp is 97 degrees I'm around 100 degrees atm. If I remember right I don't have to worry until 104 degrees though. Still sucks to be sick, now I have a bad headache and a slight cough. Also my damn vision is more blurry than usual and its driving me crazy.
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Darvi

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RedKing

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32801 on: July 12, 2011, 01:32:25 pm »

It's about 38-39C (around 100-102F) here today, with humidity over 50%. Heat index is currently 116F (46.67 C)

Actually didn't feel all that bad to me when I went outside to grab lunch.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32802 on: July 12, 2011, 01:38:11 pm »

Woah, you're right. I didn't even notice it until I checked just now. It's like trying to breath gelatin.
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xtank5

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32803 on: July 12, 2011, 03:40:04 pm »

My throat hurts from the chemo.

I've been in the hospital since June 28th and have been undergoing treatment for leukemia for the last 6 days.  It's taken so long to start treatment because when they first started treatment, the dying cancer cells released too much potassium into my bloodstream and stopped my heart, so I had to spend severall days in the ICU, and then even more time just trying to get my kidneys to function properly again. 

And now I'm stuck here for the next 25 days.  Fun times ahead.
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Mindmaker

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #32804 on: July 12, 2011, 03:55:21 pm »

I seem to get an visual illusion, where there is an unchecked message in my inbox.
When I focus my sight on the button, it's gone.
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