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[Vector]

I did some good stuff today--watched anime, ate some good food with lots of vegetables, caught up on my mafia game, read a novel, but I'm still ...

I feel like a failure, and I think I really need to go talk to someone or something.  This is just... I just can't do this any more.  I can't.

I'm sorry to admit it.

[Max White]

Don't be sorry to admit when you are stressed out.
Do they have those free phone helplines for depression and related issues where you are? When you need to talk to somebody, they can be life savers. We have lifeline here, and they offer free counselling, I'm not sure what services are there for the US of A.
Or, if such an option is either unappealing or unavailable, you have us. You know us. You can talk to us. Although I can't say that we are trained for this, I can say that we are all human, and often that is enough.

[Vector]

We do, but I don't want to.  I don't need it that badly.  They can talk to someone who needs it a lot more than me.

Maybe I'll say something some other time.

Today, I suspect I'm too fucked up by the new student in the class, new teacher, and... and, mostly, the fact that we're not sitting in the same desk configuration anymore.

This is one of the reasons why I hate myself at times.  It's something so small and so stupid.  I'm not fit to be around people because my brain fucks with me when geometric patterns are altered.  Little things.  Who can stand to be around someone like that, so easily disturbed, so coldly serene about the things that "matter?"

I also got another email from guess-who.  Shaken.

[Max White]

Because being dismissive of things that are upsetting you is a great way to solve problems.
Now I'm a huge advocate of the idea that if somebody doesn't want to talk about something, then forcing it out of them just so you can get a self righteous feeling of helping despite not know what you are doing is a dumb thing to do. However if you want to talk, even a little, then don't try and justify not addressing the issue. Just do what you need to, and don't second guess.

[MaximumZero]

Vector, I know that it's of little consolation and consequence (especially coming from a half-wit neanderthal like myself,) but here, you have respect. I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly would want to hang around someone such as yourself. You're intelligent, witty, and have razor sharp deductive skills. Anyone who cannot appreciate the drive, talent, tenacious nature and passion that you display could not possibly understand what it means to see a beautiful human being. Sure, none of us are perfect, but there is a driving force for change in humanity toward the greater betterment among us, and I for one, am proud to know such a person (with as limited a contact as I could possibly know you over the internet, mind you.) I'm not trying to put you on a pedestal here, I understand that you're human, just like everyone else, but at the same time I would like you to know that there are people out there that admire you, that think you're beautiful and majestic just the way you are.

Anyone who doesn't? Well...they're the ones missing out, aren't they? (I would normally say, "Fuck 'em", but that doesn't really seem to fit your style.)

[sonerohi]

I've been trying to think of comforting words, but MaximumZero took all the cool shit, so I'll just back him up. Vector, you are pretty damn awesome. This may sound weird, but you are sort of a role model to me. I built my ego around being smarter than other people in a belittling way, and I'm trying to change that because you show how to be an intellectual in an encouraging way. You teach people, constantly, and give more damns and try harder than anyone else I know. You smash prejudice in the head and stay humble. You deserve happiness more than all the people I know who are happy, and I hope you get a metric boat-load of it.

[sluissa]

Ditto what they said, Vector, based on what I've read on these forums you seem like a pretty cool person.

My personal sad thing:

My pet rabbit passed away a couple of hours ago. I had him for just over 6 years. I know he had a relatively good life. But I still regret I didn't do more for him. As much as a pain in the ass he was, he was cute, and had his own personality and was definitely smarter than he let on... I'm going to miss that little eating, pooping, shedding ball of fur. If nothing else, he entertained us on occasion. Goodbye, bunny rabbit.

[alway]

I wholly agree with the previous posts. You're a role model to me as well, for the same reason as you are to sonerohi. I will also add that what seems to define you more than your talent or success is that you actually care. You aren't where you are because of a lust for money, power, bragging rights, or any number of other egocentric reasons; you are there because you actually care about what you are doing; you are there to learn and make the most of your life. Most go though life with little more than a 'meh' and a twiddling of thumbs, doing what they do merely because it is another thing on their checklist of things to be done with.

[KaelGotDwarves]

Spoiler: If this was a game of your childhood, it will invoke strong feelings (click to show/hide)

[Realmfighter]

Shit, I read a lot of Web fiction, lots of it in the LGBT genre, and recently a lot websites went down.

Turns out, the guy who was hosting the sites died and his family turned off the server.

Rest in Peace, [name redacted].

[Darvi]

Spoiler: If this was a game of your childhood, it will invoke strong feelings (click to show/hide)

If by "childhood" you mean "a few years ago", then yes.

[Rose]

Shit, I read a lot of Web fiction, lots of it in the LGBT genre, and recently a lot websites went down.

Turns out, the guy who was hosting the sites died and his family turned off the server.

Rest in Peace, [name redacted].

Yes indeed. Rest in peace, [actually very generic name redacted]

[Grimshot]

.

[Realmfighter]

Yes indeed. Rest in peace, [actually very generic name redacted]

I know Crystal Hall had his name on it, but Joy of Joys it was down by the time I was writing my message, so I went with the name given by the person who hosted her own website but lost her forums.

[Max White]

Why do I get the feeling that there are references being made to a subculture that I am not part of?