But the worst thing that I've come to terms with is some self-awareness of wanting to keep these sorrows around. I'll be moping on my bed and realize that this entire charade is completely silly and ridiculous. All my fears and problems are petty little things that I am holding onto in a desperate grab for... I dunno actually. Probably some feeling of inadequacy that would somehow be filled by having problems to show off and be acknowledged.
I don't know how common or not it is, but I understand what you're saying. Not to be insulting but, it's angst. You feel genuinely bad and have genuine anxiety about genuine problems in your life, but you feel like it would be petty to consider what are
ultimately just a host of small problems to be that big a deal compared to anyone or anything else. And all I can say is, don't think about it that way. Your life is your own, and whatever's bothering you in your life is a real problem. Just because you know that out there in the world are other people dealing with stuff you think is less petty doesn't make yours any less real.
I don't know what the best way is to just bring them up, but friends and real relatives will always acknowledge your problems if you bring them out. That's what they're there for.
As for the specifics, the stuttering and social anxiety is hard to cure, I know. I was never bad with stuttering, but I tend to when I'm excited or tired; I just try to be really deliberate when I'm talking, which has the added benefit of making you sound sophisticated and commanding. The anxiety, well, that's harder. People I'm familiar with I communicate with easier, so when talking to unfamiliar people, I just remember that they're nowhere near as attentive to me and my inner conversation and panics as they are to their own lives. You are never as important to a conversation as you think you are. So once I'm convinced I'm not being judged, I just make a conscious effort at being witty an personable, or just prompt things so someone else can talk for a while, and soon enough there's no awkwardness at all.
Inadequacy... I'm not going to try to get into your head, but if I had to guess, I'd guess that having a brother who's getting married in another country, and father who belittles you as often as it sounds, would make anyone who is on top all that just getting started with the grand mindfuck of college feel
very inadequate about their small place in life. There's nothing wrong or unnatural about feeling that way. I think that's one of those kinds of problems isn't so much beating you up itself (using a general "you" here), as it is about the fact that it exists when you think it shouldn't beats you up. And as such, once you stop thinking the feeling shouldn't be there, it'll almost feel like it isn't, because you're not anxious about it.
And everyone has every right to feel distraught over losing a dog, especially a young one to an accident. My father is a full grown man, and after his dog died a slow death after a full life, just talking about dogs would make him almost inconsolable for more than year. We wouldn't keep dogs around if we didn't care about them.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9452464 times)