Hahaha, man I feel depressed. Almost down enough to use ellipses. I think I need a motivation to drive me because I don't have anythiiiiiiiing right now. I felt pretty down this whole weekend. I think my enjoyment of things would multiply hundred fold if I felt positive, but I really don't feel positive at all. I really do keep to myself too much. I don't let anybody hear my problems and I suffer from within. So why don't I say something?! I don't know I don't know I don't know. Thinking about it, the only thing I could tell them was "I don't ever feel happy" and then what from there? I can't predict people's responses too well but they'd probably want me to figure out how to feel good? I don't feel good, at all. I feel entirely foreign to my own body and I want out. I want to be free and released, airborne like a wispy spirit. I don't want to be locked in a shell that responses with monotonous yeses and nos. If my parents told me to go out and hang with my friends I wouldn't be happy with that either. I actually enjoy being with myself on a computer or some such, because I actually get to leave this world at least partially. What I don't enjoy is having to "live my life". Hrrmmm, I guess that makes me want to be a complete nobody right? I've already said to myself every night that I want to be forgotten, that way my parents and family and friends wouldn't feel any grief if something happened to me, but that isn't going to happen. I can't be forgotten and there's nothing I can do about that.
I'm pretty sure I've already contradicted previous statements I've made, but this is how I feel right now.
Very very very very very sad.