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[Vector]

@Vector: I think I've suggested as much before, but you do seem like you could use meeting some friends whom you share significant interest-overlap with. It helps solve the loneliness thing pretty handily, and having people to remind you to look after yourself helps. Finding a new circle of friends, after I lost my old one to a series of relocations, has done wonders for my happiness and general sanity, in so many undetectable ways. Even something as simple as Livestreaming, to share some things I'd normally do by myself, with folks on the internet makes me happy.

I can't yet.  Sorry.  I honestly just don't get much, if anything, out of face-to-face conversations most of the time.  I'll go do it, and then... great, time wasted, I feel trapped, I'm exhausted.  I'm working on doing better with all of this, but frankly, a year ago I never had any chitchatty conversations of any sort with anyone.  Two years ago I was starving myself to get out of having to speak to anyone.  I'm doing a lot better than I was, but I'm not exactly capable of just running off and "finding a circle of friends."  I've never had one.  Heck, I don't think I've ever had a friend that was any degree of close off of the autism spectrum, and the ones who were "friends" received that label despite emotional and/or physical abuse.

So... I'm trying, but your advice is a bit like telling me to go running when I'm still on crutches because it will make me feel better.  Yeah, I'd love to.  I still can't really do that.  It's not out of sheer stubbornness.  It's because I had literally never had a "real conversation" with a back-and-forth on both sides and subject-changing until the age of 18 or 19, when I realized I was somewhat fucked up.  The net is different because of the severe time lapse and written content, so no one can see me fumble for words, get distracted by minor background noise, have my ability to produce facial expressions run out, or have to ask someone to repeat four times because I can't understand their (native) English, or blah, and blah, and also blah.

Meh.

I'm about as tired of this as I'm sure you guys all are by now.  But unfortunately, this is not something that goes away just because you decide you want it to, or with a week or two of concerted effort, or with just getting up the courage.  It's something I have to practice all the time.  It's something I have to get courage up for pretty much every day, to keep saying hello to people and giving compliments to strangers, and asking people about questions I'd rather try to sleuth off of other indicators and lateral thinking.

I've made a lot of progress over the past two and a half years, but going from basically zero socialization to where I am now has been a herculean effort.  I'm just not there yet.

[ein]

I want to play me some flight sims, but I have no joystick. :I
Unless you count the thumbsticks on my gamepad.

[scriver]

Life sucks, I suck, and the world's the size of a hole.
What a great fucking day this was.

[Rose]

I just realized I actually like using IE and WMP

[Angel Of Death]

I think I'm coughing up blood.

[CoughDrop]

I think I'm coughing

COUGHDROP TO THE RES-

up blood

Ah, oh well. Should probably get that checked out or something.

[Max White]

Don't worry, CoughDrop. Flu season is starting here, and I'm sure somebody will require your special kind of assistance.

[Angel Of Death]

And, I've got a bad headache. I've had MUCH worse but this is pretty painful.

It's probably because (oh, the irony) of something in the painkillers I've been taking.

[scriver]

That.. Doesn't make much sense, man. How much painkillers are you taking? And why don't you get that damn toe checked already? Because, you know, prolonged intake of painkillers are dangerous as well. Not to mention habit-forming.

...Or perhaps not habit-forming, I only said that because a friend's sister was addicted to the damn things, but that was probably more of a psychological thing than "physical" addiction. I don't know enough to say either way. I guess it also depends on the strength of the pills.

Still, get your ass to a doctor as soon as you can.

[Max White]

I have known people to get a headache from specific types of painkillers, and solved this problem by swapping brands. Although if this was down to the pain killer or placebo effect, I can only speculate.

[lemon10]

...Or perhaps not habit-forming, I only said that because a friend's sister was addicted to the damn things, but that was probably more of a psychological thing than "physical" addiction. I don't know enough to say either way. I guess it also depends on the strength of the pills.

Pain killer addiction is actually a pretty big problem, and AFAIK some of them do cause physical addictions worse then some illegal drugs.

[Max White]

*Watching the current state of the US of A in regard to it's weather patterns*
Sad now...

[Solifuge]

I think I'm coughing up blood.

I can think of very few scenarios where this is not a pretty big deal. If you have medical coverage, if the cough is semi-consistent, and whether or not you suspect it's caused by painkillers, you really ought to not be coughing blood, ever. If it's an option for you, see a professional about it. Losing lung function sucks, especially when you consider that whole breathing thing most folks do on a regular basis.

@Vector: you seem like you could use meeting some friends whom you share significant interest-overlap with.

I can't yet.  Sorry.  I honestly just don't get much, if anything, out of face-to-face conversations most of the time.  I'll go do it, and then... great, time wasted, I feel trapped, I'm exhausted.  I'm working on doing better with all of this, but frankly, a year ago I never had any chitchatty conversations of any sort with anyone.  Two years ago I was starving myself to get out of having to speak to anyone.  I'm doing a lot better than I was, but I'm not exactly capable of just running off and "finding a circle of friends."  I've never had one.  Heck, I don't think I've ever had a friend that was any degree of close off of the autism spectrum, and the ones who were "friends" received that label despite emotional and/or physical abuse.

So... I'm trying, but your advice is a bit like telling me to go running when I'm still on crutches because it will make me feel better.  Yeah, I'd love to.  I still can't really do that.  It's not out of sheer stubbornness.  It's because I had literally never had a "real conversation" with a back-and-forth on both sides and subject-changing until the age of 18 or 19, when I realized I was somewhat fucked up.  The net is different because of the severe time lapse and written content, so no one can see me fumble for words, get distracted by minor background noise, have my ability to produce facial expressions run out, or have to ask someone to repeat four times because I can't understand their (native) English, or blah, and blah, and also blah.

Meh.

I'm about as tired of this as I'm sure you guys all are by now.  But unfortunately, this is not something that goes away just because you decide you want it to, or with a week or two of concerted effort, or with just getting up the courage.  It's something I have to practice all the time.  It's something I have to get courage up for pretty much every day, to keep saying hello to people and giving compliments to strangers, and asking people about questions I'd rather try to sleuth off of other indicators and lateral thinking.

I've made a lot of progress over the past two and a half years, but going from basically zero socialization to where I am now has been a herculean effort.  I'm just not there yet.

I am not a chatty person. I have long periods of silence when in conversations, when I do talk I get lost on tangents that few can follow, and I stutter over relatively simple words. My thoughts often go in multiple directions, and as a result I try saying two words (or even full thoughts) at the same time, resulting in a portmanteau at best, and a grammatical travesty at worst. I've added "...and Shit", "Fucking" and so on to my vocabulary to create verbal handholds for people to hang on to, because I found myself doing this so habitually that I was failing to communicate. I fall into the mode of Entertainer when in large groups, which is basically an exercise in impromptu theater; I put myself in the role of a self-confident, charismatic, and funny guy, and pretend to be that person until I can leave the stage.

My friends don't expect conversations out of me. They expect me to be quiet and thoughtful, and when I do speak to alternatively stumble over anything I try to say, or sound like a mildly entertaining and snooty nerd with a stick up my bum. Any of the people I want to let close to me understand that, at least to some degree, and chattiness has never been a prerequisite of our relationships.

If I'm telling you to "go running on crutches", realize first that I've got a cane and a gimpy leg myself... and secondly that it's not a matter of running at all. Friendships aren't about being chatty, nor is their sole defining function Conversation. They're an exercise in a basic tenant of being a social creature; being together, sharing daily experiences, and having mutual concern for one another. Think of friends like a herd; when a friend is doing poorly, the rest help them until they're strong again. When they're out and about, they pool their senses and judgment to watch out for danger, and find good experiences to share. Yes, talking is involved, but it's no more what defines friendships than paints are what defines a creative spirit.

I apologize if this sounds like I'm harping on you; I only mean to explain that we may be operating under different definitions of "friendship", with a different set of expectations and assumptions about what they are. Going out and being a social creature (not talking to folks, but being a part of a community) is what I'm suggesting, in whatever capacity you feel fit to. That's what makes me happy, and it might work for you too.

[Vector]

Erm...

What part of "going out and being a social creature" doesn't involve conversation?  I mean, let me just ask: how do you recommend getting along with people (outside of a couple of dudes in math class, which is cool but fixes nothing because we don't have anything to do with each other outside of doing cute problems in a vaguely-together sort of way) without conversing with them?  I've already discovered that four short conversations gets me up to "friendly acquaintanceship," but that's already pretty tiring and most of my repetoire is basically bad math jokes and asking about majors.

The thing is that my "trying hard to get along with people" looks like most people's "don't give much of a fuck."  I figure I've made progress if I answer "so, how are you" in a timely manner, rather than just saying "errrrr" as I try to remember the set social response to that, or, worse, say "thank you" because I've vaguely realized that someone just did something for me.

Yeah, friends are like herds.  Do herds say "come join if you have basically nothing to offer us but a bunch of factual data and a near-endless font of math cultural information?"

No, that's called a job in academia.


The reason why my post was talking about "conversation" was because I was talking about "conversation," not about "chattiness."  But whatever.  That's okay, too.

[Il Palazzo]

Yeah, friends are like herds.  Do herds say "come join if you have basically nothing to offer us but a bunch of factual data and a near-endless font of math cultural information?"

Curiously enough, all my 'herds' basically said "come join if you have basically nothing to offer but your presence and letting us know that you enjoy our company". But that might be just me and my fantastic personal charisma(I miss my Cartman avatar).

I believe Barbarossa's quest to become a social creature is a good source of information on the subject.