A few days ago I had this sudden, crippling attack of fear at the prospect of going to a four-year college and no longer cruising through Community College which is basically High School 2: Electric Boogaloo. Now I keep having sudden rushes of anxiety when I think about it. Oh well. I've stumbled through worse things without knowing what was going on.
I wish I could tell you that will get better, but it probably won't. It was mostly my own fault, but the entire time I was in college (with no Community breezer inbetween), I always had this little fear in the back of my mind that one day, soon enough, I'd get a letter or a phonecall saying that my money wasn't good enough. That I should be going going gone. Hell, even after I graduated, until the day my diploma arrived, I kept expecting a "we regret to inform you" letter. Once I actually got it, I knew terror like I'd never known terror before. Because after going to school for nearly twenty of my twenty-three years of life, for the first time ever, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do tomorrow.
But then, I stumbled through grade school without knowing what was going on, through high school without knowing what was going on, through college (four years in six no less) without having a fucking clue what was going on, and now maybe possibly getting a real job without knowing what I was ever supposed to be doing. Point is, the anxiety is as meaningless as it is inevitable. Plans and goals are for overachievers, shit works itself out if you just keep doing what you think you should be doing today.
Having a terabyte hard drive after languishing for years in 140gb hell is giving me horrible habits. I just looked around on my computer and realized I haven't deleted anything since I got the new hard drive. It's a mess.
Yeah, I have a terabyte myself now, and everything thing in the world to fill it. After years of juggling between three or four installed games on 70ish gigs, this is going to be a trainwreck.