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[ToonyMan]

That makes you an enemy of yourself firsthand before anybody else.

[Vector]

That makes you an enemy of yourself firsthand before anybody else.

Yep.  At least I know my enemy very well.  Hopefully we'll keep fighting for a full hundred years.

[Aqizzar]

Ah, but happens when you get so used to antagonizing yourself that sitting around feeling guilty becomes more familiar and comfortable than working?  Then what do you do?  Seriously, I'm running out of answers here.

God, fucking winter of our discontent all over the place lately.

[Vector]

Ah, but happens when you get so used to antagonizing yourself that sitting around feeling guilty becomes more familiar and comfortable than working?  Then what do you do?  Seriously, I'm running out of answers here.

You find someone who you love and who makes you feel unbearably guilty when you don't do as they request--not by guilt-tripping you, just by having broken your promise.

That's my solution, anyway.

[ToonyMan]

I would just read more manga if I were you.

[Peewee]

We got 20 inches of snow today, and I'm the one who gets to shovel tomorrow. 

[Akigagak]

It is 7am.

I have been awake all fucking night.

God.

Damn.

Fucking.

Mooing.

Bastard.

Cows.

[Vector]

I don't know if I'm angry that people go on and on about how their SO is the only one who understands them because I think it's absurd and a bit face-rubby, or because I'm just envious and lonely.

I don't think it's the latter, but all the same I'm tired of that.  Also tired of posting here as a substitute for having close relationships.  Also tired of posting here about being tired of posting here, and tired of the process of getting back to work and de-lazifying myself again.  I've had to do this two or three times and every time it was fine, so I'm not worried.  But it's exhausting.

I miss having friends who aren't too busy crowing over relationships to spend time confiding in me.  It feels like it's so long since I've had a close friend, or thought I had a close friend, that I don't remember how to make them anymore--but unlike when I was younger, it's definitely something I want to do.  I don't want to go through life without that.

But, I can count myself lucky because, as my old friends post elsewhere about how deeply hurt they are by someone's statements, how miserable, how unfulfilled, how unhappy, I've realized that I just don't get hurt like that anymore.  I'm stronger than that, or at the very least I don't care so much what people say anymore.  I may be lonely, and I may still get odd looks, but I don't feel like a complete failure anymore and I have my priorities mostly in line.  Things are just basically... good.  I've hit a successful equilibrium and am working to move back into the life I really want to lead, but everything is working for once.  I think I'm lucky, boyfriend or no, crazy or no, lonely or no.


In similar news, some people have been PMing me and I keep forgetting to respond.  If you are one of the above people and I have not sent you a PM in the past 3 weeks or more, this is completely my fault, I think about you often, and I am working on getting off my ass to reply.

[ein]

It just occurred to me.
I acquired a copy of Windows 7 to run in vbox so I could play some games.
What do I use Linux for that I can't do on Windows?
GNOME.
And I've been meaning to try out openbox.
They don't really offer anything, just a few extra bits of customisation.
What do I use Windows for that I can't do on Linux?
A plethora of games that don't run in Wine, some multimedia programs including Paint.net and Flash, ye gods, Flash support for Linux is horrifying.
What else?
Well, headphones hardly work for me on Linux and I seem to have trouble running multiple programs on one sound device, leading to awkwardness such as music going through my USB 'phones and then you hear the sounds of some poor little fairy getting raped by a tentacled fleshy mass pouring forth from the onboard speakers.
So I was thinking, I have this copy anyway, why the hell do I not just backup my HDD, nuke it, and install Win7?

[Aqizzar]

I miss having friends who aren't too busy crowing over relationships to spend time confiding in me.  It feels like it's so long since I've had a close friend, or thought I had a close friend, that I don't remember how to make them anymore--but unlike when I was younger, it's definitely something I want to do.  I don't want to go through life without that.

I suppose you can feel a little less lonely, when I say I've had this exact same experience myself.  It's been gnawing at me more and more for a year or so now, but it's really starting to come how now that I don't even have classes to go to anymore.  Maybe my problem has nothing to do with yours, but at least it's given me an opportunity to say something.

Spoiler: I'll just spoiler this bullshit. (click to show/hide)

I spent years of my life simultaneously unable to leave my house much, and genuinely afraid of what would happen if I left my little room.  I had friends, nerdy friends like myself, but I was fine with that because we all had the same interests, and got to be really good friends.  But I didn't get to see them outside of school much.  Partly because of that fear of leaving my room thing, which I consider at least somewhat legitimate, because leaving my room meant dealing with my drugged-out father and his insane "friends".  Which may have proven to be unfounded it retrospect, but the more I look back on it, the more obvious it is to me of just how anxious and defensive I was all the time.  This compounded with taking several beatings in-school, and my general problem of being apparently famous without ever knowing why.

It took its toll.  By the end of highschool, I'd calmed down a bit and was able to hang out with my established friends more, but it actually made me nervous and a little angry when unfamiliar people would start talking to me, especially if they asked me who I was, because I always assumed the worst.  College was of course completely calmer, aside from my shitty one-semester of living in a dorm.  But as naturally happens, my circle of friends from highschool kept dwindling away.  I got a little less defensive and paranoid over time, but situational problems (moving back in with family namely) and doing bad in class (since the "family" I moved in with was dysfunctional as all get out) kept shooting down my confidence.

I realized quickly that I could finally get out on my own, and tried to make new friends in college, but while I'm apparently a great conversationalist, I could never make a relationship that amounted to much outside of the venue is was formed in.  Oh, I had class friends and work friends, sure, but I would never really know them any longer than we had a schedule together.  And then right as everything started coming together for me, I got me and my last two highschool friends thrown in jail, and spent more than a year just working my ass off in school and my job to keep all my shit together.  We've barely done much since then, and the last guy hasn't called in months.  I finally joined some clubs and made outside friends in my last semester of college (and found out said clubs didn't exist earlier, so that's a wash), but I haven't seen or heard from them since December either, despite my attempts to get back in touch.

Now I sit here with the daunting realization, that I don't know how to meet people anymore.  And even when I do meet people, I don't know how to turn an acquaintanceship into a meaningful friendship.  Sure, online-dating services have their fun, but that shit never went anywhere.  When you don't actually have any real friends that you can invite somewhere or who invite you, where do you go to meet more people?  And what do I say to them to make that into a more common thing, that doesn't sound horribly creepy and make me trip over my self-consciousness all the time?

[ChairmanPoo]

The trick is in activities. I want to meet people in courses and shit.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Blergh.. Feel sick, think I may have whatever Yumi's got.

[ChairmanPoo]

Anthrax Leprosy beta

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Pretty sure it's just a stomach bug, There aren't enough people who want to kill me to do that.

[Lord Shonus]

If I like a girl, and we get along, it invariably turns out she's a lesbian. Got nothing against lesbians, but this is getting ridiculous. Sixth time this year I've been turned down for that reason.