Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[ChairmanPoo]

Suddenly, existential crisis

Oh god oh god

EDIT: I loathe birthdays.  This is a secret which no one but myself knows IRL.

I don't blame you.  After college, birthdays went from excuses to party and get cool presents to a boring formality. 

Preach it man.

IMO it's even worse than a formality. It's a day I can ignore without any soul pangs, but nonetheless have to undergo the ritual greetings and such, and thank the people who congratulated me, and remember who they are to congratulate them in turn. It's kind of a chore.

Besides, there's this cosmic fluke that makes all my birthdays for the last 8 years to be punctuated by a failed relationship or attempt at relationship.

Damn, there should be a way to put the cool back into birthdays

[Vector]

...wow, guys. That just brought out insta-depression. Then again, it's not like you couldn't find someone to make out with if you really wanted to.

I get crushes on the least opportune people.  Ever.  It's not that I want to go just... make out with someone.  I actually have borderline-zero interest in that, which is not as fun as it sounds--since emotional intimacy ends up going with all kinds of freaking out about physical closeness and whether or not I might possibly be interested in something like that, augh.

I miss knowing what someone smelled like without that being a statement on their personal hygiene.  I miss being able to talk to someone about ... well, just about anything.  I talk about a lot of things here, but there's all kinds of stuff I don't bring up for various reasons.  I miss shivering and being warmed up by someone else's body heat, instead of just spewing out a litany of curses under my breath and shivering harder.

But there are so many things I don't miss that I don't bother.  I just sit around computing distances in terms of time whenever it occurs to me, and trying to grow up so that I'll be a good catch for the sort of person I'm interested in.

I guess it's sort of that I'm deeply lonely for that sort of thing, but I know that's just my hormones being a load of insufferable idiots and that the person I'm looking for probably needs some time to grow up, too.

[Footkerchief]

I guess it's sort of that I'm deeply lonely for that sort of thing, but I know that's just my hormones being a load of insufferable idiots and that the person I'm looking for probably needs some time to grow up, too.

For better or worse, we are animals and our happiness consists of hormones and neurotransmitters.  So give your hormones some credit.

[Vector]

I guess it's sort of that I'm deeply lonely for that sort of thing, but I know that's just my hormones being a load of insufferable idiots and that the person I'm looking for probably needs some time to grow up, too.

For better or worse, we are animals and our happiness consists of hormones and neurotransmitters.  So give your hormones some credit.

Yeah, they know what I want in the long-run, to be sure.  They don't seem to understand short-term logic, though.

[Aqizzar]

I love that idea that you can just walk out of your house and find people to eat face with.  It honestly baffles me that not just the idea, but the reality, is perfectly normal for some people.

The funny thing is, while I certainly miss the experience and wouldn't turn down the offer, it's not what I'm looking for.  Or Hell, it is, but it's not the top of my list.  I have never had a crush on anyone.  Yeah, full stop.  If I find someone genuinely attractive, and not just physically obviously since I'm not even sure how I would call that, I approach it rationally.  I think long term, almost certainly too long term, about what it would take to happen, and if it looks doubtful (as it almost always does), I settle for friendly acquaintance and just kinda hope that an opportunity presents itself.

And that of course is the problem.  I'm one of the apparently unusual people who doesn't have an inherent reservation against turning an established friendship intimate (not that I begrudge that, I'm just different), and going out into the world to find new people to start off intimate with (by any definition) is a skill I've simply never acquired.  Every real relationship I've had started by falling into my lap, and I'd be so blinded by my good luck that I didn't recognize how bad or empty it would usually turn out.

And if that sounds pathetic, it's amazing what a strain it is for me to not spill my guts here.  I'm straining for all your sakes.  Spilling my guts here would accomplish nothing and make me an even bigger whinging cretin than I already am, so I'm going to again try to make something useful of a weekday for once.

[Footkerchief]

I'm one of the apparently unusual people who doesn't have an inherent reservation against turning an established friendship intimate (not that I begrudge that, I'm just different), and going out into the world to find new people to start off intimate with (by any definition) is a skill I've simply never acquired.

It's not unusual... to be loved by anyone.  Seriously though, I don't have any statistics, but almost all the couples I know started off as casual friends.  Granted, they're a pretty nerdy bunch.

No matter what you'd say, you'd find it happens all the time.

[Cthulhu]

Veering away from relationships for a moment, holy shit I hate this math book.  It assumes you already know the things it's supposed to be teaching you, like this is a refresher course or something.

Dammit book, don't make me fail.  This is the last math class I'll ever have to take.

Seriously.  "Apply the difference quotient" is not adequate instruction, and the jumble of letters and numbers next to it isn't informative.

[Tellemurius]

taking a advance course?

[Ochita]

...wow, guys. That just brought out insta-depression. Then again, it's not like you couldn't find someone to make out with if you really wanted to.

I get crushes on the least opportune people.  Ever.  It's not that I want to go just... make out with someone.  I actually have borderline-zero interest in that, which is not as fun as it sounds--since emotional intimacy ends up going with all kinds of freaking out about physical closeness and whether or not I might possibly be interested in something like that, augh.

I miss knowing what someone smelled like without that being a statement on their personal hygiene.  I miss being able to talk to someone about ... well, just about anything.  I talk about a lot of things here, but there's all kinds of stuff I don't bring up for various reasons.  I miss shivering and being warmed up by someone else's body heat, instead of just spewing out a litany of curses under my breath and shivering harder.

But there are so many things I don't miss that I don't bother.  I just sit around computing distances in terms of time whenever it occurs to me, and trying to grow up so that I'll be a good catch for the sort of person I'm interested in.

I guess it's sort of that I'm deeply lonely for that sort of thing, but I know that's just my hormones being a load of insufferable idiots and that the person I'm looking for probably needs some time to grow up, too.

Well the crushes on most inopportune people goes for me. Not the physical part. Infact I guess you could say its the opposite. Still... Hormones.

[Aqizzar]

Dammit book, don't make me fail.  This is the last math class I'll ever have to take.

Seriously.  "Apply the difference quotient" is not adequate instruction, and the jumble of letters and numbers next to it isn't informative.

Doh ho ho.  The advanced textbook written by a stodgy old professor somewhere who's been teaching so long to students who crib his notes from previous semesters, that he doesn't fully grasp that people don't inherently know what he's going to explain before he explains it.  If academia is supposed to teach you how to think critically and informatively, it is not by imparting knowledge, but by hiding it in the curriculum equivalent of Burmese Tiger Traps.  When you can snatch the fly of differential equations from the book's palm, you will be ready.  Until then, wax on wax off, and you'll be graded on something completely unrelated to the waxing.

[Taco Dan]

Spoiler: Blurg (click to show/hide)

[MaximumZero]

I love that idea that you can just walk out of your house and find people to eat face with.  It honestly baffles me that not just the idea, but the reality, is perfectly normal for some people.

I will admit, I was quite the extreme example (judging on how I behave now), when I was younger. I've never really connected physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. My need for physical intimacy is more like hunger than anything else, and nothing and no one I've found could ever sate it completely, this unfortunately including my wife. Really, at least for me, they're two completely separate animals to feed (those being physical/emotional.) Finding someone to sleep with was always extremely easy, almost too easy at times. This is probably why I'm a salesman now, seeing as the two actions(?) use all the same techniques and tactics.

*shrug* tl;dr: I don't think you're unusual, Aqizzar, I just figured I was a manwhore.

[Mindmaker]

I still have a serious problem with knowing when to make the first move, so thanks for opening up that old wound, thread.

Goddammit, if it wasn't for the humorous tangents, I don't know why I'd even bother opening this thread.

That's a risk you have to be ready to take, when opening it.
This thread has made me sad countless of times.

But yeah, long-term relationship wise, I've got a very particular type, which is very hard to find- mostly because they aren't the kind of girls that are looking to be found.
But, I suppose I'm not the kind of guy who goes out looking, either.
Now how many people here are in the exact same boat? I'm guessing vast quantities.

Well, you can move over, as I'm going to need some space in there too.

That doesn't make me sad, really; I've had a few opportunities to since, but I've never been looking for physical relationships or flings.

Neither do I.
A emotional relationship what I was always looking for. Looks didn't really matter that much, at any time.
That far I've only had one offer for a one-night-stand, which I declined, even though it would have worked from a purely optical angle.
I just wasn't what I was looking for and in addition that sort of thing just seems wrong to me, since there's no emotional attachment involved.

I wish I didn't rely quite so heavily on outside encouragement to push myself to do things, though. I let outside opinions influence me strongly, and take written word and expert opinion as truth more often than I'm driven to question it. Not sure if it's a matter of self-confidence or what, but it irks me when I catch myself doing it.

My carving for appreaciation is a horrible thing. The opinion of any person which is important to me can stop me dead in my tracks, in whatever I'm doing.
I often feel like a giant pile of unspent potential...

Man popping into this thread was a mistake, this is all so depressing for someone who wishes she could be there in person for someone.

I know that feeling. I often wish bay12 was some sort of real-life village.

On top of that I seem to be developing insomnia again since I got absolutely no sleep and now no one is awake and available to talk to.

When I'm typing my posts, I can be sure that the people which I'd like to read it, are either asleep or at work and by the time they are online, it has already vanished behind pages of others, forever forgotten, forever unread.
Most of the time I can't even properly join a discussion, since it has started as well as ended, by the time I come to read it.
On weekends, when I'd have the time to talk to my friends online, they are mostly being busy with some kind of socialising and barely online.

Try finding someone living in an odd timezone. They will be online, while everyone else in your area is already asleep.

I miss knowing what someone smelled like without that being a statement on their personal hygiene.

A close friend of mine, had a very acute sense for these sort of thing.
If felt odd at being complimented on your natural smell.
I even started wearing odorless anti-perspirants, since at that time, she was the person I spent most time with and anything else would bother her.

I miss being able to talk to someone about ... well, just about anything.  I talk about a lot of things here, but there's all kinds of stuff I don't bring up for various reasons.

We have that in common.
I envy women for being able to be so open to each other about anything.
If I'd try doing such an "unmanly" thing in a same-sex group, I'd have my sexuality questioned before I could even finish a sentence.

This is all for now.
The only thing I could add, is quoting Aquizzars post an putting a "this" under it, which however would lack class.

[Vector]

Seriously.  "Apply the difference quotient" is not adequate instruction, and the jumble of letters and numbers next to it isn't informative.

I actually have no idea as to what that means.


We can be textbook-stabbing friends, though, because this textbook is SO FUCKING INADEQUATE.  Whoever wrote it thinks his readers are mathematically immature idiots who will take "hey, look over here at this picture!" as a statement of proof.

I am going to finish taking notes on this chapter, and then I am going home to settle down with Messrs. MacLane, Artin, Bourbaki, Lang, and Birkhoff.  RAAAAGE!

At least his typesetting is okay.  That's a godsend.

[lordnincompoop]

I'm currently using next year's textbook, which I actually find more hostile than the textbook for the year after and this year's. I can understand it, but I'm having a harder time at it because the explanations are rather vague.

Not to mention I'm trying to get through this even faster that I'd like to, because I sure as hell want that head start, and another guy in my class is even further ahead. Call me childish, but I resent it anyways.