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[fqllve]

I don't particularly hate them, but I've had to kill a few in my day. My cat used to catch them and torment them for hours, so I'd snap their necks as a mercy kill. Always made me feel bad.

I sissied out this time. Put the chip bag into another chip bag into another bag, tied that, put that in the garbage can. Little bastard will probably chew his way out though.

[Realmfighter]

My mother once put a mouse into a bag, and threw him outside into the cold.

I pointed out the illogic of it, as she was saying this was better for it.

She told me to shut up.

I did.

[Taco Dan]

We owned mice once, then they died while I was on vacation. How did we afford vacations back then? Oh yeah, my dad actually had a steady job.

[Cthulhu]

Apparently I'm the village two-wheeled device when it comes to complaining and acting like a scene kid.  Sooooo tiiiired of iiiiiit

[ToonyMan]

Looking back I went to check when I first started watching like actual anime and the whole Japanese culture jazz.  I thought it was December 2008 with Baccano! and Detective Conan.

It was actually December 2009.

I seriously have no idea how I could have screwed that up.  I actually watched One Piece when I was in middle school, but I don't count that because it was 4kids and I was stupid.  Same goes for Pokemon and Digimon I guess.


Thinking now, I have changed a lot.  I've always had a hatred of my past self and this still holds true.  It seems everyday when I wake up I feel like a better person.  I have no idea when this will subside.  This might sound like a good thing, but having extreme loathing of oneself isn't a good thing, at all.  That would be self-esteem right?  Yeah, I always pull my best STRONG facade, but it's not honest with myself.

I'm trying my best in using larger vocabulary for the reading section of the SAT college thing.  I'm taking it a second time in December.  I am failing miserably.  Not sure how to magically learn new words as I think.  Guess I have to look new words up, unfortunately I have no idea what words they want me to describe in the test.  This makes everything very difficult you know.  Spelling is worse, just this paragraph alone I had to spell check like five words, maybe it's just a typing quirk.


I have unfortunately gotten into a habit of Duke being on Steam daily, so when he isn't I have extra time to kill I usually wouldn't have.  Currently that has been on Monster and Fairy Tail, both good shows in their own right.  Both anime.

Oh no.

I don't know what to think of this, as I type this I'm listening to Touhou and Vocaloids.  I would usually play dumb and say I don't know anything, but I do.  To be honest I frequent 4chan daily.  Not just /co/ and /tg/ either, oh no.  All the (work-safe) Japanese boards as well.  Like /a/, /c/, /m/, /jp/ you know.  It's not bile fascination either or morbid curiosity either.  While yes I only lurk I go there sincerely.

What I'm saying is, in the past year of my life (December 2009 I would say), I've become a complete otaku.

Otaku.

:|

And nobody knows, I can't tell anybody.  It's a sooper secret.  Why am I doing this to myself.


So yes, I have worked out how to be sociable and conquer my fears of the dreaded public.  Which was complete bullshit in the first place.  When I first started posting here I hated humanity.  HATED IT.  I don't hold those fillings anymore, at all.  Not a drop of me would move that way.  Hating humanity is called nihilism right?  Yeah, I hate nihilists now, they piss with me off.  Not going to go farther with this.


I know this post is probably mangled with different things going on in my mind right now, but I can't stop.  I won't stop.  I'm not the most vocal person in real life if you couldn't tell already.  During shop last week I checked troper tales on tvtropes and was almost completely disgusted.  Besides nihilism the second most thing I hate is somebody trying their drat darnest to be unique or special.  Don't ever look at the 'Brilliant But Lazy', 'Genre Savvy', or anything else that gives people the perfect opportunity to talk about how smart and savvy they are and how alone they are in "this world".  I just want to read god damn anecdotes, not your life's problems.

Whatever, I'm typing this into the Happy thread reply box, but I'm going to switch it over to the Sad thread for how the general mood is.


Friday night I watched more Monster.  In that show is a character by the name Wolfgang Grimmer, he is second only to Tenma.  His smile may have started artificially, but I can see when it's sincere.  That is the best smile I have ever seen.  Last night I laid in bed listening to the World's End Dancehall thing I found, it was the chorus version with like all the vocaloids.  I started to smile, I mean, why not?

Too bad the reason I'm smiling I keep secret from every person I know besides my brother, who is also an anime fan (probably thanks to me), but he's young enough to be way more open about it.  He even bought manga volumes like I did.


I've always marveled at Vector's ability to get general concerns and replies in this here Sad thread.  I've always had a hard time comforting somebody unless their name started with a D and ended with a e or 0 depending on who you ask.  Maybe it's just because I have to get more connected with the person first.


In a more gloomy note.

I feel completely alone in this town of mine, I'm sorry for contradicting myself earlier with the (hates people how drive themselves as unique and alone in the world), however I know this is my problem.  I have no spine, I know if I actually showed it I would get results.

Even worse I don't talk about my problems, maybe that's for the worse.  I'm having girl trouble currently as well, but the only person that knows that is me.  Until you read this, maybe Tack knows.  I think he does.


To prove that if I had back bone I could get results let me tell an anecdote from last week in shop again.  Browsing tvtropes after finishing my lcd counter or something one of my classmates comes up besides me.

It was my cousin who I've only actually got a friendship with in the last two years.  When I was a freshmen and sophomore in school nobody really knew me, not even in shop.

I knew he was a huge fan of Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy (he played VII when it first came out as a kid and thought of it as the best game ever).  He's like, "you're on this site again right yeah" it was pretty obvious.  I was on the Adult Swim page when he noticed Tenchi Muyo and was like, "WOAH, I remember that haha!"  He said he remember another show with a chick and a guitar on Adult Swim.  And humbly I said Fooly Cooly.  He was like YEAH yeah that one.  He laughed a bit, I didn't really make any moves but I was surprised he knew that (even though it was on Adult Swim).  He didn't really question how I knew it was Fooly Cooly, but whatever.  I have told him of Dwarf Fortress and Homestuck, but he hardly cares and I don't blame him.


Very very recently I finally added two kids I'm friends with on Steam, I completely forgot about the Kamina.  He noticed it was an anime avatar and nothing else, he didn't even say anything besides it was an anime avatar.

I wish he did ask.

:\



tl;dr  Toony can't bring himself to tell anybody his anime love and continues to suck

[Duke 2.0]

tl;dr  Toony can't bring himself to tell anybody his anime love and continues to suck

The first you just sort of overcame here, and the second was never true and I don't think you have it in you to make it true.

 There are quite a few things to address, so I'll start one one and see how things evolve. Everyone has trouble comforting each other. When you first know a person and wish to do it you don't know enough about them to know what to use. When you know somebody very well you start factoring in too many things and overcomplicate the situation. And always the general fear that you'll screw up and make things worse. But generally the smallest things have the most effect.
 Keep going! You can make it! Things will get better! We care about you!

 These words on some random image directed at nobody and everybody got to me, just take the stab. Perhaps the fact that somebody tries is enough. And usually that is where difficulty arises. this I have no answer for as I'm dealing with it too, but don't sell yourself short!

[Footkerchief]

Anime makes lonely people lonelier.  Cut back.

[fqllve]

tl;dr  Toony can't bring himself to tell anybody his anime love and continues to suck

There's no reason to be ashamed of liking anime, dude and you'd be surprised by how many people watch it but don't really talk about it. I'm living in a small southern town right now and a lot of the people I've met here around my age are either fans or like a couple shows. I haven't really met anyone who hates anime on principle and definitely no one who hates anime fans.

None of my friends, (all ha ha, three of them) actually like anime at all. But they haven't thought any less of me to know that I do. Mostly they just ignore my recommendations and I keep my mouth shut about it knowing they don't really want to hear. Most people aren't so narrow-minded as to assume that anyone who likes anime is an idiot. And even if someone is, it becomes a lot harder for them to make that judgment if they already know you a little bit.

You know, that's that thing. What would it mean to come out as an anime fan for you? Would you start wearing one of those cat-ear hoddies or something? I doubt you'd switch from hiding it to screaming it, though some people do just that. But who's going to introduce themselves "Hello, my name is Toony and I fondle anime girls in my dreams?" How would you like to be open about it? What parts of yourself do you feel like you're having to censor? And probably most importantly, why are you ashamed at all? There's no reason to be ashamed because you like anime, and there's no reason to be ashamed because you're afraid to admit it.

[Heron TSG]

Toony, it is okey-dokey. Though I do not enjoy most Anime, I enjoy you. Your Anime is not you. You are you. You enjoy Anime. I enjoy you who enjoys Anime. This is fine by me.

Spoiler: Wow, this image came in handy. (click to show/hide)

Anime makes lonely people lonelier.  Cut back.

Not helping, methinks.

[ToonyMan]

I'm just lonely finding other anime fans, not lonely in general.  As I said above I have a ton of people I can talk to fine now.

[ein]

Looking back I went to check when I first started watching like actual anime and the whole Japanese culture jazz.  I thought it was December 2008 with Baccano! and Detective Conan.

It was actually December 2009.

I seriously have no idea how I could have screwed that up.  I actually watched One Piece when I was in middle school, but I don't count that because it was 4kids and I was stupid.  Same goes for Pokemon and Digimon I guess.


Thinking now, I have changed a lot.  I've always had a hatred of my past self and this still holds true.  It seems everyday when I wake up I feel like a better person.  I have no idea when this will subside.  This might sound like a good thing, but having extreme loathing of oneself isn't a good thing, at all.  That would be self-esteem right?  Yeah, I always pull my best STRONG facade, but it's not honest with myself.

I'm trying my best in using larger vocabulary for the reading section of the SAT college thing.  I'm taking it a second time in December.  I am failing miserably.  Not sure how to magically learn new words as I think.  Guess I have to look new words up, unfortunately I have no idea what words they want me to describe in the test.  This makes everything very difficult you know.  Spelling is worse, just this paragraph alone I had to spell check like five words, maybe it's just a typing quirk.


I have unfortunately gotten into a habit of Duke being on Steam daily, so when he isn't I have extra time to kill I usually wouldn't have.  Currently that has been on Monster and Fairy Tail, both good shows in their own right.  Both anime.

Oh no.

I don't know what to think of this, as I type this I'm listening to Touhou and Vocaloids.  I would usually play dumb and say I don't know anything, but I do.  To be honest I frequent 4chan daily.  Not just /co/ and /tg/ either, oh no.  All the (work-safe) Japanese boards as well.  Like /a/, /c/, /m/, /jp/ you know.  It's not bile fascination either or morbid curiosity either.  While yes I only lurk I go there sincerely.

What I'm saying is, in the past year of my life (December 2009 I would say), I've become a complete otaku.

Otaku.

:|

And nobody knows, I can't tell anybody.  It's a sooper secret.  Why am I doing this to myself.

No you're not.
At least not until you have figurines.
Or a body pillow.
You don't have those, right?

So yes, I have worked out how to be sociable and conquer my fears of the dreaded public.  Which was complete bullshit in the first place.  When I first started posting here I hated humanity.  HATED IT.  I don't hold those fillings anymore, at all.  Not a drop of me would move that way.  Hating humanity is called nihilism right?  Yeah, I hate nihilists now, they piss with me off.  Not going to go farther with this.

Misanthropy. Nihilism is about morality/ethics.

*more long stuff*

It's okay man, you win some and you lose some, but life just keeps on living.

[Cthulhu]

I am also guilty of Karkat-like past self loathing.  I can't think of myself any further back than a few months without cringing.

[fqllve]

I am also guilty of Karkat-like past self loathing.  I can't think of myself any further back than a few months without cringing.

That isn't normal?

edit: That wasn't some stupid coy semi-joke. I always assumed that past self loathing was a natural reflection of the huge amounts of growth we do in shorts amount of time.

Most people at least hate their teenage selves right?

[Realmfighter]

I do not hate my past self.

My future self is a prick though.

[ein]

My memories are hazy.
I don't have enough of me from a long time ago to do any self-loathing.
I do remember certain life-altering milestones, so I know I changed quite a bit.