Did something happen, or was it just due to general drift over time? You can probably patch things up with some effort, but if she's committed to cutting things off, it's probably not a relationship worth maintaining. What little I've heard of this person makes her seem flighty and selfish, and not the sort of person I'd want to be around. You certainly know her better, though.
Either way, that can't be a pleasant feeling, no matter what comes of this. I'm sorry. :/
I think it's a realization that Thyme ruthlessly prioritizes, and whatever is making her happiest at the moment is what she prioritizes. She doesn't care about building long-term. She cares about instantaneous gratification. As such, I'm lower on her priorities list because, unlike her other friends, I'm not a toady--and I'm not an awesome genius like they are, either. Much like things with Rosewood, I could "fix everything" by showing up and just making them feel
spectacular about themselves, but that doesn't make me happy... it just makes me feel like a bit of a loser.
And by "I'm not a toady" I mean not that I'm intentionally nasty, but that I am sometimes a bit blunt about things like "well, if your parents are telling you that you spend too much money, maybe you should work out a budget with them." Also things like "If you're constantly too tired and failing your classes, maybe you should forsake one afternoon with the boyfriend you see constantly in favor of a. sleep and b. studying for midterms." Her response was jerkishness and a virulent post on a message board we both frequent (which has about 5 active members + 1 lurker, so it's a slightly bigger deal).
It isn't that she's committed to cutting things off, or that she finds me abhorrent. It's that she doesn't actually talk to me anymore, preferring to discuss how cool she and her drinking buddies are, how cute her boyfriend is, how smart she is, how fun her D&D game has been of late. I tell her about something good that happened recently; she says "cool." I tell her about something difficult, she says "Aww," "Ah," and "I see," alternated. I say "I wrote this short story, and I value your opinion, and I'm trying to get it polished up by Thursday. Do you think you could do a close reading for me?" and she says "Ahh." This is after she already said she was willing to read it, almost two weeks ago.
But she isn't, because she always has something "better" to do. She won't admit that, either. No matter what it is... chatting with her school friends via IM, doing her homework (completely understandable), hanging out with her boyfriend for the fifth afternoon that week, IMing her boyfriend about Magic cards, playing D&D, talking about D&D, obsessively cleaning her room, watching a movie with her hall-mates, playing video games by herself, drinking.
I'd be okay with this if she said "Well, Ergy, I'm sorry, but I don't think I'd be able to do it justice now that I'm not writing anymore" or some other sort of polite social facefault. Perhaps "I'd really like to focus on the things I care about," if she was feeling particularly antisocial and arrogant that day. Not this "I'm going to ignore you until you get the point: I don't care about your writing, I don't care that much about you, and I especially don't care to give you the dignity of informing you of this. My priority is always me."
We used to switch off playing video games in high school, but we don't do that anymore because she'd rather exercise her social disabilities for great profit and be that awesome autistic kid playing alone in a closet (I'm not kidding). She used to occasionally run a D&D game, which I and her other friends from here would play; don't do that anymore because she could be playing Starcraft with her college buddies and it couldn't possibly be as awesome as her game at school. Don't talk about anime because our tastes diverged brutally and it's something she shares with her college buddies. Don't talk about books because she doesn't read. Don't talk about math because she sucks at it and would rather complain about her problem set and get help from, you guessed it, a male college friend who just happens to be a "savant" (because autism is the best thing ever, folks! It's like a neat little club of people who can't communicate with anyone, which you enter by deciding you're a special little cupcake who has Problems). Don't talk about writing because she doesn't write and doesn't care to accept what I'm offering to share.
Nope.
Now, if I were a proactive individual, I'd tell her about all this. At this point, though, I've had it. I dealt with the refusal to be minimally polite. I dealt with her superiority complex and attitude that it's good to be evil, materialistic, and short-sighted. I lived with her effectively non-extant contribution to my life, save as someone to "socialize" with who occasionally sent me a self-congratulatory letter. I listened to her petty complaints and dealt with her inability to let good things happen to other people without one-upping them.
I rationalized that it was fine because I was such an annoying person--same old tired argument that kept me tied to Rosewood, sadly.
Nah. I'm not exactly depressed anymore, save the occasional moodswing down and serious discussion topic. I have a reasonable sense of humor, no longer miss Rosewood/relationships/whatever at all, and have enough social skills to handle myself well. I have some self-confidence and self-respect for the first time in my life. I'm no longer accepting the "you initiate contact and I'll never contact you" deal from anyone--nor the "you give me condolences and never criticize me after 9 years of relationship or I'll snap at you/wall you off" contract.
There's been time for things to re-balance. They've only become more disparate and unreasonable. No more of this muck. Forget smarmy considerations of things like "intellectual prowess." Clearly, that's not a good thing to optimize for, because what it gets you is "brilliant" assholes. Ah, well... lesson learned, I suppose.
My condolences are yours.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9791423 times)