I shall be romantically fulfilled by co-authoring papers with my favorite mathematicians, destined to content myself with passing glances and the innuendo of ergodic matrices. Topology, algebra, continuous functions, and metric spaces... all of these shall express my love, my hope, my regret, as surely as bouquets of flowers did in the Victorian era. They shall say "BUT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY ELEMENTARY AND TRIVIAL WE DIDN'T LET DUMB PEOPLE GO TO SCHOOL IN POLAND" and I shall swoon and say "Let G be a group and G' a semi-group and now we shall define an isotopism phi" and that will have to be enough, because Albert's theorem should be enough for just about anyone anyhow.
Like kisses in the rain, the reddest of roses, a lover's gentle embrace... no, mathematics shall be the language of my affections! The reddest of redrom, elegantly expressed but never understood! Such is my heart-rending destiny!
Holy crap you're good at that. Sing it girl, sing those matrices.
You're also creative, and it seems like you've had a fairly hard row to hoe. That would exhaust anyone.
Maybe all you need is a change of scene. A little something, no matter how small, to remind you that everything is progressing, will progress, and will be fine. Slightly different food, a different haircut, whatever, to reflect on and appreciate.
I'm pretty sure it's some of those. I've never thought I had a "hard row to hoe", I've always felt like I've had everything handed to me, at least compared to a lot of the people I meet. But that doesn't really diminish what I do put up with. I was going along fine for a while, with intermittent work, no money, and bad grades, but I had friends and free time so I felt alright most days. Then all at once, I got a physically demanding job that soaks up what used to be free time and defines my schedule; spent a few days in jail and a combined $6000 to regain the privilege of mooching off my relatives and looking over my shoulder whenever I go outside; lost touch with essentially all of my friends for not unrelated reasons; and cracked down at school for lack of anything better to do, so I could look forward to graduating within six years.
And that was two years ago. Since then, my days consist almost entirely of work, class, slacking off, and catching a few hours sleep a day, wherever I can wedge it in with a semblance of a normal day. I bitch about it because that's how I entertain myself, but I think it's barely an imposition, certainly not enough to keep me from doing what I want to. But I suppose it really is. I thought I finally shook things up when I cut off half my hair, put my car up for sale, and tried online dating, but fuck me if any of those things worked.
I need to get out of this house more than anything. Just three more months of school, and I can leave this dreary bullshit behind. I'm just afraid I won't be able to pull it together in time this semester, and nothing would screw me up more than blowing this at the last minute and having to kick around for one more empty half-a-year.
AQIZZAR NEW SCOOBY DOO EPISODE
I would quip "and there I go forgetting the important stuff", but I'm not in the mood to cheer myself up. I'll watch it, but damned if I'm going to let myself fob off this nice cozy rut I've got going.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9717015 times)