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[MetalSlimeHunt]

Sounds like this thread just got some actuality to it.

[Vector]

Spoiler: Vector whines the dust (click to show/hide)

I need to go back to school.  It's easier to keep my emotions safely battened down when I'm around people I don't know.

I... really miss my professors.  Thinking about them brings tears to my eyes.  They remind me of my grandfather, who was a mathematician--but I never really knew him, because first I was terrified of him and then Parkinson's rotted his brain.  They always reminded me of everything I considered good in the world.  Strength.  Honesty.  Diligence.  Gentleness.  Honor.  Curiosity.  Patience.  Vigilance.

I feel bad for complaining about this, because it's going to be only four or five more months until I see them again.  A temporary plight, really, which should be endured.  As I continue on in this extended "vacation," however, I find that they're the ones I miss more than anything else in the world.  Not love, not camaraderie, not the people I considered my friends, not freedom, not my dreams: I miss my mentors.  I miss their stupid nervous tics and anti-social habits.  Hell, I even miss the way they smell--like books and unwashed linen.  A very gray, watery thing.  I miss the 10-flight climb to the top floor and being yelled at in the elevator because I had read a popularization.  I miss being told that my questions were stupid and that my answers were wrong.  I miss their unshakable faith in me, which no one else has ever had.  I miss being around people who will walk away mid-sentence or yell in your face when your reasoning is incorrect, simply because there is no reason to allow you to continue.

I miss those men who would hear the fire alarm ring and just stand in the classroom and continue to lecture, or run outside with chalk and mark up the outside of the building.  I miss being expected to know absolutely everything asked of me, from the time to the mathematics course catalog to the proof that every compact metric space is complete.  I miss being bowed to when I managed to outsmart the professors.  Their thick, nearly incomprehensible accents... everything about every single one of them, that have become the sign that all is right in the world.

I wonder if I'll be able to stifle the impulse to shout "finally, I'm home!"

[Grakelin]

It sounds like you're in love.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Sounds to me like you are enamored with the life of a professor. Perhaps you should consider becoming one.

[Tack]

I DON'T THINK YOU TRUST... IN.... MY...
SELF-RIGHTEOUS SUICIDE!


But seriously, suicide is stupid. When you've got the balls to kill everyone who's made your life hell, then you've got the balls to kill yourself. Five feet of nylon cord is the pussies way out. And besides, we need all of the awesome grandparents we can get.

Me? If I ever commit suicide, it's going to be from trying to paddle a Kaiyak. From a Skyscraper- Into a Kiddie Pool.
Metal.

[Vector]

It sounds like you're in love.

I probably am.

Sounds to me like you are enamored with the life of a professor. Perhaps you should consider becoming one.

I'm going to become one.  No question about it.  Well, okay... some questions, from time to time, about whether or not I'm good enough--but other than that, I think it's the thing I want most out of life.

[Rose]

just sayin

[Medicine Man]

I DON'T THINK YOU TRUST... IN.... MY...
SELF-RIGHTEOUS SUICIDE!


But seriously, suicide is stupid. When you've got the balls to kill everyone who's made your life hell, then you've got the balls to kill yourself. Five feet of nylon cord is the pussies way out. And besides, we need all of the awesome grandparents we can get.

Me? If I ever commit suicide, it's going to be from trying to paddle a Kaiyak. From a Skyscraper- Into a Kiddie Pool.
Metal.

YEAH!5 feet of nylon cord is the pussies way out.Everyone knows people who aren't pussies use 5 feet of piano wire!

[Tack]

Dude, that shit would sever your-

Metal.


Anyway, I happen to have come to the realisation that I AM in love!
It's teeny and disgusting and I want it to go away already.

[Aqizzar]

I'm going to become one.  No question about it.  Well, okay... some questions, from time to time, about whether or not I'm good enough--but other than that, I think it's the thing I want most out of life.

You just said one of the things you enjoyed was when professors would figuratively doff their hats to you for outsmarting them.  And you're worried about not being good enough?

[Vector]

You just said one of the things you enjoyed was when professors would figuratively doff their hats to you for outsmarting them.  And you're worried about not being good enough?

Yes, well... it's kind of irrational, as you pointed out.  That said, I have a pretty clear idea of just how far I need to go.  Just because I can trump all the undergraduates doesn't mean that I'll be able to do good graduate work, and being able to do good graduate work won't mean that I'd be able to become a good professor.  It's a long and chancy road ahead.  One I welcome, to be sure, but I can't say I'll succeed with absolute certainty.

Thank you, though, for your kindness =)

[Aqizzar]

I can't help but think this sounds like a backhanded compliment, but going by the general quality of undergraduate math professors I've know, speaking as a non-mathematics major mind you, I can't see how the application process could be very difficult.  If you're of such a caliber that you're as torn up over it as you are, I don't see how you couldn't burn your way into the upper echelon of academic mathematics.

[Vector]

Well, I'm hoping to teach at one of the big-name schools (more motivated students, typically.  That's important) ... so in reality, you have to be pretty ridiculously good.

Yeah, I'm sure I could make it somewhere, but as usual, I want to be one of the best and consider anything else failure 

[smigenboger]

Well, I'm hoping to teach at one of the big-name schools (more motivated students, typically.  That's important) ... so in reality, you have to be pretty ridiculously good.

Yeah, I'm sure I could make it somewhere, but as usual, I want to be one of the best and consider anything else failure 

No gradual steps up?

[Tack]

To be honest, I consider you some sort of Mathematical deity. I feel like you would strike down any self-respecting teenager who could not calculate their times tables up to 12 in their head.

Also- This has just been bursting inside me. Is that an emu egg? It looks like an emu egg.