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[Tack]

I was trying to convince some guys that Hellsing was cool, and then this idiot links a video of the protagonist pushing a rifle through a woman's chest.

NOT EVERYONE HAS A BLOOD FETISH, IJJIT!

[ein]

That goes a little beyond blood fetish, man.

[Tack]

Alright. Torture fetish. Whatever.

[Sir Pseudonymous]

Trying to solve the situation with the friend of mine with whom I got in a drunken fight over a chair.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(8:21:12 PM) Me: remember when you called <name>, and he was shitfaced with a few other people?
(8:21:41 PM) Other person: Yea... you being one of the few people.
(8:21:47 PM) Me: yes
(8:21:53 PM) Other person: Mhm..?
(8:22:57 PM) Me: he got drunk on my dime, which I didn't really mind, then spent the whole night insulting me for being cheap (admittedly I have been recently, on account of having no money to spend in the first place...), while drinking the beer I paid for, then decides he wants the couch I'm laying on
(8:23:13 PM) Me: he tries to get it by jumping on top of me
(8:23:49 PM) Me: burning a hole in my shirt with a cigarette, intentionally or otherwise I don't really care, because I'm not going to hold a grudge over drunken bullshit
(8:24:00 PM) Me: biting me when I try to remove him
(8:24:10 PM) Me: then spitting on and taunting me for the next hour
(8:24:36 PM) Me: before driving off in the morning while I run after his car, because I responded violently to that bullshit
(8:24:53 PM) Me: then blocks me, and has refused to so much as talk to me since
(8:26:06 PM) Me: I just want to bury this, because it's a fucking retarded thing to hold a grudge over
(8:26:35 PM) Other person: Do you maybe want me to ask him to talk to you..?
(8:27:16 PM) Me: I asked <someone else> to tell him to unblock me, and haven't heard anything
(8:27:35 PM) Me: I talked to another friend of his last week, who said he'd relay what I said, never heard anything else
(8:30:33 PM) Me: so I don't know how much good it would do :/

What's the only response I get after that?

(10:04:53 PM) Other person: TROOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLLLL
(10:05:00 PM) Other person: He wanted me to relay that to you...
(10:06:02 PM) Other person: ....

This is just a mindbogglingly retarded situation. It is entirely antithetical to any way he has ever acted. He doesn't act this way towards people who are his sworn enemies, with whom there's been years of bad blood. And yet he's decided to act like a retarded child. It's just fucking incomprehensible.

[Tack]

Owned.

How about you just have nothing to do with him?

[Vector]

I've been more irritating and aggressive recently, and it bothers me.  It's not right.  I wanted to become stronger, not more irritable and nasty.  I guess part of it could be loneliness or lack of challenge, but that's just excuses.  Fact: I seek out competition to crush so that I can stop feeling so miserable about myself, because no matter what I do it never feels like it's enough.

I could track it on backwards through my childhood and pin it on all kinds of events and developmental pressures, the creation of an internal locus of control, the experiences of an individual who barely spoke--but that's all bullshit excuses.  The sad part of all this is that I know I'm just going to look for someone safe to force into feeling inadequate, rather than actually fixing the root cause.  This is because I don't know how to fix it.  No matter how much work I do or how many people I catch saying "Oh mannnn, Vector, I wish I were more like you!  You're going to do great things one day!", I just feel, over and over again, that it isn't enough.  Nothing will ever be enough.  It's not about compliments or accomplishments, friends made, organizations run.  It may not be about anything.  It's just hunger, I guess.  It's fear.  Fear of never being wanted or useful for anything.  Hunger for the acceptance that always seems to be missing.  I'm not depressed; this is just who I am--who I always have been, for as long as I can remember.

Rosewood was right.  I am needy and anxious.

[Akigagak]

I've been more irritating and aggressive recently, and it bothers me.  It's not right.  I wanted to become stronger, not more irritable and nasty.  I guess part of it could be loneliness or lack of challenge, but that's just excuses.  Fact: I seek out competition to crush so that I can stop feeling so miserable about myself, because no matter what I do it never feels like it's enough.

I could track it on backwards through my childhood and pin it on all kinds of events and developmental pressures, the creation of an internal locus of control, the experiences of an individual who barely spoke--but that's all bullshit excuses.  The sad part of all this is that I know I'm just going to look for someone safe to force into feeling inadequate, rather than actually fixing the root cause.  This is because I don't know how to fix it.  No matter how much work I do or how many people I catch saying "Oh mannnn, Vector, I wish I were more like you!  You're going to do great things one day!", I just feel, over and over again, that it isn't enough.  Nothing will ever be enough.  It's not about compliments or accomplishments, friends made, organizations run.  It may not be about anything.  It's just hunger, I guess.  It's fear.  Fear of never being wanted or useful for anything.  Hunger for the acceptance that always seems to be missing.  I'm not depressed; this is just who I am--who I always have been, for as long as I can remember.

Rosewood was right.  I am needy and anxious.

Hey now. We all are. It's how we've stayed around and at the head of the food chain. Fear and that hunger you described are what kept, and still keep us going. And yes, you will do Great Things One Day, Vector, you're smarter than most, and clearly push yourself to do better, even when people say you're already doing enough. Don't listen to them, you might start to think they're right.

And, don't start taking the words of people that have hurt you to heart. Speaking from experience, that's a very bad place to go. Hope you don't mind me saying this.

[Duke 2.0]

I've been more irritating and aggressive recently, and it bothers me.  It's not right.  I wanted to become stronger, not more irritable and nasty.  I guess part of it could be loneliness or lack of challenge, but that's just excuses.
  It's not about compliments or accomplishments, friends made, organizations run.  It may not be about anything.  It's just hunger, I guess.  It's fear.  Fear of never being wanted or useful for anything.  Hunger for the acceptance that always seems to be missing.  I'm not depressed; this is just who I am--who I always have been, for as long as I can remember.

I appreciate you being eloquent enough to state my own fears on myself. If you do find a way to stay strong, be sure to share it with the world.

[smigenboger]

Eh, go out and do something you like to do, that isn't skill-based. Are your hobbies completely based on skill or something?

I found drinking to not be very fun without others since most of my happiness-making activities are based on some sort of skill, aside from passive media. Once I figured that out, life became more enjoyable.

Go to a movie or watch a concert or something. Whatever you try, don't geek out on it, as that ruins the exercise.

[Acanthus117]

My monitor is plagued once more by the dreaded PINK TINTING

I CANNOT PLAY DF WITH THIS MONSTROSITY

[JoshuaFH]

Don't worry Vector, if you're anything in real-life like you are here, then you're just being overly hard on yourself. You're a great person and I really respect your opinion.

[Solifuge]

I've been more irritating and aggressive recently, and it bothers me.  It's not right.  I wanted to become stronger, not more irritable and nasty.  I guess part of it could be loneliness or lack of challenge, but that's just excuses.
  It's not about compliments or accomplishments, friends made, organizations run.  It may not be about anything.  It's just hunger, I guess.  It's fear.  Fear of never being wanted or useful for anything.  Hunger for the acceptance that always seems to be missing.  I'm not depressed; this is just who I am--who I always have been, for as long as I can remember.

Every human being on this planet seeks acceptance. Some people seek it in proving their skill and expertise to their peers. Others seek it in financial wealth and success, or whatever other Social Rubric they choose. It's the civilizing instinct in us that does it... the same little spark that makes us come together in settlements and help one another, and prove our value to others in the communities we live in... to "earn" our right to life and happiness. Same is true, even in virtual places where we share our joys and sorrows with people we may never meet.

We all seek confirmation that we're successful, good beings, in ways both subtle and obvious. Its not something that makes you weak or needy... it's something that makes you Human.

You won't be able to find contentment until you are happy with yourself, and appreciate your abilities and your present position. It doesn't mean you have to stop trying to do better... it just means that you probably aren't accepting your past and present success as legitimate, because "you could always have done more, or done it better."

I think you're a pretty rad person, from my distant vantage point. I would give you all of the high-fives... all of them. However, even that, though written in earnesty, won't help you find the contentment you, as a human, naturally seek. You won't find that until you can be happy with yourself. And to be truly happy with yourself takes a fair chunk of self confidence. Luckily, that's just a matter of willingness to believe yourself, and acceptance that right now, you are precisely what you should be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ3c8_ZTNrg&feature=player_embedded#!

Captains Log, stardate two point- something... fucking, got- taken to much LSD.
I got to get off this planet. My crew, my ship, too... lackadaisical, too stoned to even... respond.
I need some sort of a remedy. I need to- need to contact the ship's surface.
Go two times, go two times- time to poison the line to take the dime...
I've never taken so much LSD in my life.

For a second in that song, I couldn't breathe either... laughing too hard. That was awesome.

[Grakelin]

I was on /b/, and this guy was taking names to sign on a card to send to some 90 year old dude with no family or whatever (William J Lashua, and it turns out he has a family).

Dude spelled my name wrong.

Spoiler: From /b/, may or may not be SFW (click to show/hide)

Mine is in Green, from Canada.

[Tack]

For some reason I've been getting a lot more irritable and aggressive lately too. I don't know what is causing it, it could just be having to deal with my own company for this long, but I've noticed it having an effect on me in the forum, anyway.

I'd think of something to say for you, Vector, but I'm kinda blanking out here. So I'll just say what I'm thinking right now. For as long as I've ever known you you've been decisive and strong. If you were ever needy or anxious, then I'd have noticed by now.

[smigenboger]

Seems like deprived may be a better term than needy, everyone seems needy when their basic needs aren't met.