Suddenly, I begin to understand why people turn to religion. It's a hell of a lot easier when you have someone else to tell you what to do.
My ex told me last night that even if she knew religion was an illusion, she'd keep believing it. This from someone who always told me that she wanted truth above all else.
Sure as hell, it was alot easier when I was younger and actualy believed in something. Its easy as hell when you can just kneel and pray and actualy believe something will come out of it, it gives you hope when you have nothing else to turn to. Too bad it doesn't work after you realize there's a pretty big chance none of it is true and stop believing completely.
Anyways, today on college, this nice girl that has aways talked to me ever since I started taking the morning classes sorta drifted away while we were discussing everyday stuff and started talking about how she sorta broke up multiple times with her boyfriend during the last month and how she's not sure of how it'll end, then some time later after classes she got extra friendly with me.
Whats odd is that after asking around a bit I found out that they only started fighting about 2 months ago, which was when we first met. She knows I'm gay, but now I'm scared I may have indirecly caused it in someway, which doesn't make me sad, but makes me feel weird as hell.
EDIT: I also sorta fainted today, but apparently it was just sleep deprivation, it was even pleasant in some way
, but its sorta creepy when you're watching tv on bed then you suddenly open yours eyes seemingly a second later, half of your face is numb and you notice 20 minutes passed.