What brought that on? And... not trying to be a dick here, but did you explicitly mention to your psychologist your reasons for thinking you might have bipolar?
First off, I don't have it--the happy needs to be a lot more happy. This is just ye olde atypical depression. Second off, yes, I did.
I realized that I used to be a much stronger person. They used to call me "the rock" because I never reacted to anything. I didn't need anybody. I wasn't lonely. I spent most of my time studying, and mostly enjoyed life.
Under the influences of Rosewood, years of "friends" dumping on me, scholastic pressures, and my parents, I've become someone who doesn't care about anything. My mother expects unending compassion and obedience, my teachers expect bottomless diligence and courage, and my friends expect me to always be cheerful. My parents threaten abandonment/institutionalization when I get too depressed, and my purported friends go ahead and abandon me themselves when it suits them.
The people who said they'd help teach me social skills in a friendly environment decided that patronization and treating me as though I'm retarded would be a better course of action, should I happen to screw up and miss a social cue. Psychologists can't help me out, either, because my skills are too poor and specialists only want to work with children (oh, and my parents haven't been told about my diagnosis because they don't believe the particular disorder exists). Doesn't help that, should I end up needing anti-depressants or some other sort of medication, my parents will just yell at me more and try to scare me out of it.
Slowly, I've transformed from an intelligent young woman with a bright future to a dullard, who has been routinely abused for so long that she doesn't know what a good relationship--of any sort--looks like. I'm not going to say that none of this was my fault. I'm a hard person to get along with, and I guess I'm pretty weird, too. I've been doing my best, though, and others have been intentionally cruel to me. Nonstop. Some have been kind, as well, but by and large I've mostly been beaten up by life to the point where I really can't move forward anymore. I can't go anywhere but straight down.
I imagine you'd be depressed, too.
Why in the world are people staring at you when you go outside?
I don't know. They do it even when I'm dressed normally. My mom thinks it's because I have hair down to my knees, though that doesn't explain why they do it when they can't see my long hair. Maybe it's because I look crazy. I've got no idea as to which social conventions I'm breaking at a given time, so who knows. Mostly, I wish they'd quit.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9792562 times)