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[smigenboger]

I use Axe Essence scented stick, (not the anti-perspirant, the gel stuff), and people really like it, including me. Of course, it's not a spray, so it's not overpowering. I'm under the idea that if one-fifth of your outward senses appear great, you only have to focus on four other ones. Since I look better than average, sound average, feel better than average, and I assume taste average, adding smell at 100% is a nice boost.

On a sad note, my well-toned shoulders are really tight, and I may get a massage for them and my neck. I've never had a professional massage before, so it feels like it's going to be awkward.

I also had a very dirstubing/interesting dream, but probably NSFB12

I don't smoke, but for some reason I miss smoky bars and bowling alleys. Its like playing BF2 on a server with no vehicles, it's just missing that extra part that made it special

[Vector]

You guys have reminded me that smoking is utterly verboten across American society.  That means we'll never again see the dramatic ennui of the 1920s-50s, when everybody smoked all the time, with the wisps glinting in the lamplight, and elegant holders and cases abounded.  That makes me sad.

Yes, but that's because we already have France to do it for us.  Seriously, take a trip over there and you'll find that everyone pretty much bleeds ennui.

[smigenboger]

Everyone seemed to smoke in Greece, too. Not so bad in Italy

[Jakkarra]

Gene pool needs chlorinating

[buckets]

Gene pool needs chlorinating

I love it how the add is bigger than the fail picture.

In other news, it looks like my computer is fucked. Network errors, random freezing, and bluescreens makes me think it's a motherboard issue. It's fine though, it's not as if I needed to work on my showreel, or use the internet to find work. If all goes well I should be able to afford to repair this peice of shit early next year.

It's funny how other people's computers last for years before the crap out, I'm lucky to have mine last one. At the worst possible time too :/

[RedKing]

I think America may actually have some of the lowest adult smoking rates in the world. Because in my travel experience, every other fucking nationality on the planet smokes like a chimney. Except maybe some of the sub-Saharan countries where they can't afford cigs. Or upper Scandinavia, because they need full lung capacity when winter comes and they have to outrun polar bears.

 

[Itnetlolor]

Spoiler: Experience rivers... (click to show/hide)

 Fuck you rivers. Fuck. You.

Short story: Calm crystal peaceful waters, barely any wind or anything. Upon stepping foot into the water with the kayak in tow, a hurricane suddenly strikes and I could go no further than 100m from my embark point without getting blown into a barnacle-ridden dock or a shore full of oysters. I think nature hates me. I got soaked without going into the water either. The chop got a good half-foot tall in almost no time and the wind went from less than 2 mph to 10mph against my heading constantly (even when heading back) the instant I embarked.

To make things (or God) more comically sociopathic, upon getting home (and after paying for the 15 minutes (10 if you include me cursing my brains out on an oyster shore cutting my fingers paddling like hell out of it)) everything calms down and is serene again. Also whenever I was dead exhausted after trying to avoid getting smashed by the shore, everything calms down.

I'm God's chew toy. My only other time off in the day to be peaceful in nature, and it tries to kill me. And everybody warns me AFTER the fact. I guess you can say I had fun on my short adventure kayaking.

On the bright side, I didn't have to pay the full hourly price for just 15 minutes of "sailing". I essentially had to use my oar as a sail whenever I wore myself out. Still, that's 5 bucks I'll no longer see for an experience not worth a damn minute aside tons of exhaustion, anger, and failure. Make things worse, I am experienced at kayaking, I can actually get a good speed and endurance going, and I couldn't go 100m away from where I started no matter how much effort I put in.

EDIT:
I've been asking God the entire time "I've been mostly good my whole life; what did I ever do to piss you off?". It only resulted in more punishing conditions. Well, if God no longer wants me in His religion, I'm here to stay, either to piss Him off, or until I get some answers out of Him. If He no longer likes me, I'll just egg him on to smite me one way or another until He does. He's the one that has to pull the trigger. When He does, I can bug Him for His eternity; make Him see how that feels for once.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Experience rivers... Fuck you rivers. Fuck. You.

Short story: Calm crystal peaceful waters, barely any wind or anything. Upon stepping foot into the water with the kayak in tow, a hurricane suddenly strikes and I could go no further than 100m from my embark point without getting blown into a barnacle-ridden dock or a shore full of oysters. I think nature hates me. I got soaked without going into the water either. The chop got a good half-foot tall in almost no time and the wind went from less than 2 mph to 10mph against my heading constantly (even when heading back) the instant I embarked.

To make things (or God) more comically sociopathic, upon getting home (and after paying for the 15 minutes (10 if you include me cursing my brains out on an oyster shore cutting my fingers paddling like hell out of it)) everything calms down and is serene again. Also whenever I was dead exhausted after trying to avoid getting smashed by the shore, everything calms down.

I'm God's chew toy. My only other time off in the day to be peaceful in nature, and it tries to kill me. And everybody warns me AFTER the fact. I guess you can say I had fun on my short adventure kayaking.

On the bright side, I didn't have to pay the full hourly price for just 15 minutes of "sailing". I essentially had to use my oar as a sail whenever I wore myself out. Still, that's 5 bucks I'll no longer see for an experience not worth a damn minute aside tons of exhaustion, anger, and failure. Make things worse, I am experienced at kayaking, I can actually get a good speed and endurance going, and I couldn't go 100m away from where I started no matter how much effort I put in.

EDIT:
I've been asking God the entire time "I've been mostly good my whole life; what did I ever do to piss you off?". It only resulted in more punishing conditions. Well, if God no longer wants me in His religion, I'm here to stay, either to piss Him off, or until I get some answers out of Him. If He no longer likes me, I'll just egg him on to smite me one way or another until He does. He's the one that has to pull the trigger. When He does, I can bug Him for His eternity; make Him see how that feels for once.

God can be kind of a jackass at times. Omnipotence is boring.

[Dwarf]

Or, you know, realize you had bad luck.
(Sorry if all the God rant was sarcastic and I didn't notice)

[Itnetlolor]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Experience rivers... Fuck you rivers. Fuck. You.

Short story: Calm crystal peaceful waters, barely any wind or anything. Upon stepping foot into the water with the kayak in tow, a hurricane suddenly strikes and I could go no further than 100m from my embark point without getting blown into a barnacle-ridden dock or a shore full of oysters. I think nature hates me. I got soaked without going into the water either. The chop got a good half-foot tall in almost no time and the wind went from less than 2 mph to 10mph against my heading constantly (even when heading back) the instant I embarked.

To make things (or God) more comically sociopathic, upon getting home (and after paying for the 15 minutes (10 if you include me cursing my brains out on an oyster shore cutting my fingers paddling like hell out of it)) everything calms down and is serene again. Also whenever I was dead exhausted after trying to avoid getting smashed by the shore, everything calms down.

I'm God's chew toy. My only other time off in the day to be peaceful in nature, and it tries to kill me. And everybody warns me AFTER the fact. I guess you can say I had fun on my short adventure kayaking.

On the bright side, I didn't have to pay the full hourly price for just 15 minutes of "sailing". I essentially had to use my oar as a sail whenever I wore myself out. Still, that's 5 bucks I'll no longer see for an experience not worth a damn minute aside tons of exhaustion, anger, and failure. Make things worse, I am experienced at kayaking, I can actually get a good speed and endurance going, and I couldn't go 100m away from where I started no matter how much effort I put in.

EDIT:
I've been asking God the entire time "I've been mostly good my whole life; what did I ever do to piss you off?". It only resulted in more punishing conditions. Well, if God no longer wants me in His religion, I'm here to stay, either to piss Him off, or until I get some answers out of Him. If He no longer likes me, I'll just egg him on to smite me one way or another until He does. He's the one that has to pull the trigger. When He does, I can bug Him for His eternity; make Him see how that feels for once.

God can be kind of a jackass at times. Omnipotence is boring.

I know, but still, does He have to target specific people habitually like a schoolground bully? There have to be bigger losers than me to screw around with, or is my commentary on such incidents just too entertaining for Him?

[Vector]

Bleh.  I guess this is finally the point where I declare myself a wreck.  I don't feel like doing anything whatsoever anymore, and I have no future in particular I'm looking forward to.  I'm lonely, but I don't want to talk to people because I'm sick of the constant criticism.  I'm tired of being stared at when I walk around outside.

Can't talk to Rosewood because he hates me.  Can't talk to Thyme because it adds additional stress on her, and I don't want her to give up on her potential sociopathic boyfriend over my problems.  Aspen hates technology and is therefore uncontactable.  I can't tell the other two people I talk to, because we're not that close.

Say what you want about my making excuses to be unhappy, or that the situation is really better than I know.  My spirit's nearly dead. 


On the other hand, I'm at the very bottom of a well, and at this point I just want to find a hole to die in.  I guess I have nothing to lose.  Might as well just find something to do and do it, with no regards to doing it well or how it will improve my future.  I just don't care anymore.

[ToonyMan]

NO NO NO NO NO

STOP IT STOP IT STOP DOING THAT

[ToonyMan]

THIS THREAD SHOULDN'T EXIST EXCEPT FOR IT SHOULDN'T

WHY ARE YOU UPSET STOP THAT YOU DON'T WANT THAT YOU MUST GO ON

[Vector]

Mostly, I'm saying "fuck it" and writing a really shitty novel, because I need something to do that I can finish and feel accomplished about.  I feel horrible enough that I can't really read anymore (no patience for the time it takes to process the words), so I figured I'd go back to writing, drawing, something.  I need a chance to do something that I, alone, can control.  No more of this "social give and take" or "mathematical give give give oh god the pain."  So I'm writing a novel.  It will be bad, but I don't care.

The protagonist builds model ships. 

[Footkerchief]

Bleh.  I guess this is finally the point where I declare myself a wreck.  I don't feel like doing anything whatsoever anymore, and I have no future in particular I'm looking forward to.  I'm lonely, but I don't want to talk to people because I'm sick of the constant criticism.  I'm tired of being stared at when I walk around outside.

Can't talk to Rosewood because he hates me.  Can't talk to Thyme because it adds additional stress on her, and I don't want her to give up on her potential sociopathic boyfriend over my problems.  Aspen hates technology and is therefore uncontactable.  I can't tell the other two people I talk to, because we're not that close.

Say what you want about my making excuses to be unhappy, or that the situation is really better than I know.  My spirit's nearly dead. 


On the other hand, I'm at the very bottom of a well, and at this point I just want to find a hole to die in.  I guess I have nothing to lose.  Might as well just find something to do and do it, with no regards to doing it well or how it will improve my future.  I just don't care anymore.

What brought that on?  And... not trying to be a dick here, but did you explicitly mention to your psychologist your reasons for thinking you might have bipolar?