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[Aqizzar]

I forgot who I was yesterday for a couple of hours, as well as the identities of everyone around me =(  Then Rosewood tried to hug me and I went into super-flipout mode (because I'd apparently decided that he was a total stranger) and ended up babbling what was apparently nonsense for two hours straight while I tried to get my brain back online.

That doesn't sound like Depression to me, but I'm certainly not a psychiatrist.  I'm reminded of an mental condition where the part of the brain that recognizes faces stops working; Prosopagnosia, but if you couldn't even remember yourself, that could be a much larger issue.  Because that's pretty serious what happened there.  Of course, I know all too well that nothing can aggravate chronic depression like thinking you might be going crazy.

So... Vector, you're not going crazy.  After all, you can recognize it.  But I'd definitely ask that psychiatrist for a deeper diagnosis.

[smigenboger]

Yeah, I'd much rather be out doing something than being behind a computer. Since Operation: Daywalker has been successful, I'm now on a first shift schedule instead of third, which royally screwed my ability to do things. Today's interview will show if I will get the job that was hinted I would get about a month ago, but I couldn't because of the third shift job obligation (and money).

Operation: Cardio and Afterglow will certainly help me get out more, and is part of Project: Get a life and Project: Horndog. I also need to start looking around for a used motorcycle to get that sub-project started.

[bjlong]

First goal: become happy enough that I no longer have trouble recognizing people.

I've never had that happen, and I've dealt with a lot of depression. Sounds more like a nervous breakdown to me. But! If it's really depression, I'd recommend three things: 1) Watch a movie with friends each weekend (or other mutually fun activity), even if you think you don't have time for it. Make sure to smile, even if you don't feel like it. 2) Eat healthy, regular-sized meals. Even if you're not hungry. 3) Exercise! Make sure that's a priority.

Of course, listen to your shrink over me! Just make sure you start getting better.

---

Complaining time: So, there's this girl I know. I knew her in sophomore year, and we mutually crushed on each other. Thing is, she was pretty messed up, and I knew that a relationship would have hurt us both a whole lot--I've seen this go down too many times. So I deliberately friend-zoned myself to save the trouble, and decided that if I really did like her, I'd do my damnedest to help her through her problems.

It's now Senior year for me, and, as far as I can tell, she's made a crapton of progress. I'm going to go ahead and say that I was a big part in that, though she might disagree. Right now, I'm tutoring her in her physics class.

After one of these tutoring sessions, I dropped her off at her dorm. Right after she left, the question popped into my head, "Was it worth it?" Giving up on a relationship to help her out of the shit she was going through? I know it was the right choice. But we've had this UST floating between us all this time, even though I'm in the friend zone. And since I've met her, I've not been in any sort of relationship. And it's the spring.

So I should give this question a crushingly loud "Yes, it was worth it to see her break through all the muck," but I can't. Hell, I'm a few minutes away from saying, "No, I'd rather have made out with her." And I feel like a royal jackass for it.

But! Bunnies exist. Therefore, not everything's bad.

[Vector]

That doesn't sound like Depression to me, but I'm certainly not a psychiatrist.  I'm reminded of an mental condition where the part of the brain that recognizes faces stops working; Prosopagnosia, but if you couldn't even remember yourself, that could be a much larger issue.  Because that's pretty serious what happened there.  Of course, I know all too well that nothing's worse from chronic depression than thinking you might be going crazy.

So... Vector, you're not going crazy.  After all, you can recognize it.  But I'd definitely ask that psychiatrist for a deeper diagnosis.

Failure to recognize people happens whenever I get really stressed; it gets much, much worse when people are changing roles on me (like boyfriend -> ex-boyfriend -> close friend in Rosewood's case).  Failure to remember myself is recurrent, as well--it's mostly a feeling that pieces of my mind aren't up and running the way they should.  This isn't surprising, given that I had to build so many internal systems just to cope with reality.  Sometimes they collide, or I get tired and I stop being able to run everything I need to deal with life.

So, yesterday I'd say that enough parts of me went down for the count that I stopped considering me "myself."  At the very least, though, I could still feel myself somewhere under the layers of failing systems, which was a comfort.

Well, anyway.  For now, I'm just making sure that every day I have something I'm looking forward to doing the next day, because with some goals in place I'll probably have a much easier time getting control of my mind.

First goal: become happy enough that I no longer have trouble recognizing people.

I've never had that happen, and I've dealt with a lot of depression. Sounds more like a nervous breakdown to me. But! If it's really depression, I'd recommend three things: 1) Watch a movie with friends each weekend (or other mutually fun activity), even if you think you don't have time for it. Make sure to smile, even if you don't feel like it. 2) Eat healthy, regular-sized meals. Even if you're not hungry. 3) Exercise! Make sure that's a priority.

1 is pretty hard at the moment, because I only have one friend around right now--but I'm definitely doing 2 and 3 (dietitian says I'm on a crazy good diet).  And yeah, I'm starting the first stages of what should be a pretty hard-core exercise program.  Once I'm feeling a bit better and am less likely to go berserk like I used to, I'll probably go back to doing kendo :3

The other hope is that once I get a chance to do mathematics, that will remind my brain of the patterns it's supposed to be running in as far as logic and communication.  Should help some.

[bjlong]

1 is pretty hard at the moment, because I only have one friend around right now--but I'm definitely doing 2 and 3 (dietitian says I'm on a crazy good diet).  And yeah, I'm starting the first stages of what should be a pretty hard-core exercise program.  Once I'm feeling a bit better and am less likely to go berserk like I used to, I'll probably go back to doing kendo :3

The other hope is that once I get a chance to do mathematics, that will remind my brain of the patterns it's supposed to be running in as far as logic and communication.  Should help some.

Huh, no lack of motivation? Don't feel too tired to exercise? That's definitely atypical of depression.

If you need math to do, I've got complex analysis homework that's killing me.

[Solifuge]

First goal: become happy enough that I no longer have trouble recognizing people.

I've never had that happen, and I've dealt with a lot of depression. Sounds more like a nervous breakdown to me. But! If it's really depression, I'd recommend three things: 1) Watch a movie with friends each weekend (or other mutually fun activity), even if you think you don't have time for it. Make sure to smile, even if you don't feel like it. 2) Eat healthy, regular-sized meals. Even if you're not hungry. 3) Exercise! Make sure that's a priority.

Of course, listen to your shrink over me! Just make sure you start getting better.

---

Complaining time: So, there's this girl I know. I knew her in sophomore year, and we mutually crushed on each other. Thing is, she was pretty messed up, and I knew that a relationship would have hurt us both a whole lot--I've seen this go down too many times. So I deliberately friend-zoned myself to save the trouble, and decided that if I really did like her, I'd do my damnedest to help her through her problems.

It's now Senior year for me, and, as far as I can tell, she's made a crapton of progress. I'm going to go ahead and say that I was a big part in that, though she might disagree. Right now, I'm tutoring her in her physics class.

After one of these tutoring sessions, I dropped her off at her dorm. Right after she left, the question popped into my head, "Was it worth it?" Giving up on a relationship to help her out of the shit she was going through? I know it was the right choice. But we've had this UST floating between us all this time, even though I'm in the friend zone. And since I've met her, I've not been in any sort of relationship. And it's the spring.

So I should give this question a crushingly loud "Yes, it was worth it to see her break through all the muck," but I can't. Hell, I'm a few minutes away from saying, "No, I'd rather have made out with her." And I feel like a royal jackass for it.

But! Bunnies exist. Therefore, not everything's bad.

See, that's precisely the basis on which I feel a good relationship can be founded; a solid friendship. That you avoided the temptation to date someone when they were emotionally vulnerable, and moreover helped her get to a better place as a friend speaks to the fact that it's a healthy friendship.

I suppose it depends on how exactly you "Friend-Zoned" yourself, but knowing what I know, I'd suggest that you find a good time to talk with her about the whole thing. I'm sure, if nothing else, she'd appreciate the gesture, and it would strengthen your friendship. If she reciprocates, then that could be even better.

Being candid and direct isn't a bad thing. It gets a bad rap here, but it is often the solution to a lot of problems.

[Aqizzar]

Failure to remember myself is recurrent, as well--it's mostly a feeling that pieces of my mind aren't up and running the way they should.  This isn't surprising, given that I had to build so many internal systems just to cope with reality.  Sometimes they collide, or I get tired and I stop being able to run everything I need to deal with life.

So, yesterday I'd say that enough parts of me went down for the count that I stopped considering me "myself."  At the very least, though, I could still feel myself somewhere under the layers of failing systems, which was a comfort.

I certainly don't know the least bit about your life or what goes on in your mind, but have you ever thought maybe... it's that kind of "process thinking" and internalization that's causing your issues?  Maybe distancing yourself from your thought process is exactly what's making you separate out of yourself uncontrollably.

I used to put a conscious effort into thinking in systems, and naval-gazing at what kind of facades I use for different relationships or how I deal with stress.  Then not long ago, I stopped caring.  I just stopped thinking about thinking (as much as force of habit allows anyway) and resolved to carry on with life on its face.  I can't really say whether it's worked or not.  I don't think I have chronic depression episodes as much as I used to (just completely ordinary depression for much more temporal reasons).  But I'm not willing to say I'm without issues.

[ToonyMan]

I'm a bit on the apathetic side as well.
Actually a lot, have I mentioned I rarely show/feel emotion anymore?
Doesn't matter though, heh.

I do admit its made me feel better.  I'm not sure I should be acting like this at my age but screw tradition I have blue hair.

[quinnr]

I AM SAD BECAUSE I HAVE TO WAIT ONE MORE DAY FOR GETAMPED2!

JUST RELEASE IT A DAY EARLY....FOR ME!

Also, I am sad because my stuff I had in GA2 before it was shut down is all gone. I want my Dual Blades -Moon- back. Sure, they gave me a refund for my $10 dollars I managed to spend before it was shut down for 6 months, but that doesn't do anything when I won my best thing in a flipping luck game.

[Vector]

Huh, no lack of motivation? Don't feel too tired to exercise? That's definitely atypical of depression.

*shrug*

I've never had much of a problem with motivation or exhaustion, except when I'm on one of those stints where it feels like time is escaping and I won't be able to get anything done unless I work 18 hours a day.  Then I get exhausted.

Other than that, though... the most trouble I've ever really had is "blech, I don't want to do my homework (because applied math is a horrible, horrible thing)."

I certainly don't know the least bit about your life or what goes on in your mind, but have you ever thought maybe... it's that kind of "process thinking" and internalization that's causing your issues?  Maybe distancing yourself from your thought process is exactly what's making you separate out of yourself uncontrollably.

I used to put a conscious effort into thinking in systems, and naval-gazing at what kind of facades I use for different relationships or how I deal with stress.  Then not long ago, I stopped caring.  I just stopped thinking about thinking (as much as force of habit allows anyway) and resolved to carry on with life on its face.  I can't really say whether it's worked or not.  I don't think I have chronic depression episodes as much as I used to (just completely ordinary depression for much more temporal reasons).  But I'm not willing to say I'm without issues.

Hmmm, that's a good point.  It's mostly, though, that I had to teach myself how to communicate and so on, since the form in which my brain spits things out is not comprehensible to anyone but me.  It's not that I distance myself from my thought process.  It's that my thought process needs a large number of built-in layers to process the answers it gives me.  I also had to "build" a system to simulate the thoughts of others, since otherwise I end up completely forgetting that they have feelings and so on.

It is a bit odd, though, so I'll try to figure out how I'm supposed to be doing this 

[ToonyMan]

Vector, get a steam account, there's like a whole bunch of people you can talk to in REAL TIME, including me.

It's totally free accept that we have to invite you because you don't own any games, but just put your future STEAM ID on the forums and presto, instant IRC chat.

I think it's a good idea actually.

[cganya]

Vector, get a steam account, there's like a whole bunch of people you can talk to in REAL TIME, including me.

It's totally free accept that we have to invite you because you don't own any games, but just put your future STEAM ID on the forums and presto, instant IRC chat.

I think it's a good idea actually.

are you talking about the dwarf fortress players group? or some other group I haven't heard of yet?

[Vector]

... I do have a Steam account and own games >_> <_<

The only problem is that my dad has hijacked it so that he can play Colonization.  So, I'll talk to him more seriously about his getting his own goddamned account, and then we'll see.

[Gunner-Chan]

Yeah. I mean you can join my group if you want Vector. That will work if you need to make a temporary chat only one. Maybe you'll get to play in a game of something too.

[ToonyMan]

... I do have a Steam account and own games >_> <_<

The only problem is that my dad has hijacked it so that he can play Colonization.  So, I'll talk to him more seriously about his getting his own goddamned account, and then we'll see.

Solution, make another account for yourself.  Your Dad wouldn't hijack both because that would be utterly stupid.