Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Leafsnail]

and a couple people who wanted to start a cult with me at the head  )

AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME

I suppose part of it is that you feel you've lost by looking for help.  This shouldn't be the case - you can regard it to some extent as a victory in finding what you need to feel better (I had counselling... huh, I suppose 6 years ago now).

I did think I had some kind of bipolar disorder for a while, but realised recently it was probably just random pubescant moodswings.  I try to role with it, knowing I'll probably feel completely hopeless and  useless on about one day out of every four.

[dragnar]

and a couple people who wanted to start a cult with me at the head  )

AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME

It could be the cult of Armok! Serve him by dropping goblins into magma on a thousand CPUs simultaneously!

[chaoticag]

Looks like I'l have to rely on the library here to get internet for the next few days. Also, no beds tonight, but hopefully that won't be an issue.

Now, Vector. I've taken a look at both, causes for depression, and bipolar disorder for a bit, since I feel that I might be at risk of both, and I have this to say.

You have a choice, it isn't much of a choice, but its a choice. Lithium is not a wonder drug, and it sounds as if your mother will certainly give you some trouble if she knows your taking it.

The choice I'd like you to consider though, is about talking to your psychologist about your mother issues. I know it is a hard thing to talk about, believe me, I know, but it might help you deal with it all. If your willing to do that much, then I'm sure it will makes things easier on you in the long run.

Secondly, I have this to say. Take care of yourself, and life will take care of you. Concentrate on getting yourself past feeling hopeless about things, and into walking straight and upright, confident about yourself. You'd be suprised by what even a little confidence can do.

[Tack]

Well, Vector, to tell the truth, I don't find it that bad. And yes, going for a random walk at 2am is normal. Bring your friends back mcdonalds. 'My Friend Who I Talked To About This' probably doesn't have it as bad as you, but, 'He/She/It' Has the same problem with most of the stuff. To be honest, 'They' find the happiness is well worth the sadness, but we never see 'Him/Her/It' when 'They're' depressed, because they usually just go into their room for most of it, and catch up on the eating later. Fortunately 'They' are that kind of BiPolar (Can't remember the name) Which means that their happiness outweighs their sadness by a fair bit, but it's still a problem when 'They' get hurt doing something stupid, because the risks just aren't thought of at that time. Still managed to make some money off a bet because 'They' thought that if 'They' thought hard enough about it, 'They' could fly. We said 'He/She/It' wouldn't jump. Heh.
But yeah, if you feel that you Need medication, then go ahead and use it, seriously. They exist for the reason because there are people with a bad enough case that it's necessary, so with your case, this is entirely possible.


Oh, and on a sad note... Though it's pretty out of context, and a dramatic change. I found out something today which has more or less ruined my plans for life. Well, that originally. But more or less ruined my chances of a good, or comfortable life.

[Rooster]

Well, Vector, to tell the truth, I don't find it that bad. And yes, going for a random walk at 2am is normal

Something awesome happening to me once. 12PM, midnight, I start talking with my friend on a chat program of sorts. we talk for 6-7 hours, and then he jumps out with the idea that I come to him. I say sure, and we hang out for some time, going to a shopping centre, and such.
At 10 AM I was VERY tired. You'd need a shovel to wipe me from the floor.

[Vector]

You have a choice, it isn't much of a choice, but its a choice. Lithium is not a wonder drug, and it sounds as if your mother will certainly give you some trouble if she knows your taking it.

The choice I'd like you to consider though, is about talking to your psychologist about your mother issues. I know it is a hard thing to talk about, believe me, I know, but it might help you deal with it all. If your willing to do that much, then I'm sure it will makes things easier on you in the long run.

Secondly, I have this to say. Take care of yourself, and life will take care of you. Concentrate on getting yourself past feeling hopeless about things, and into walking straight and upright, confident about yourself. You'd be suprised by what even a little confidence can do.

No, my mom and I have talked some.  She sort of understands.  I'm withdrawing from the rest of this semester and the next while I stabilize, since I honestly just can't do this anymore and things are getting worse fast.

I'll certainly be seeing a psychologist during that time, and I'll certainly talk to him/her/bot about my crazy super-paranoid mother.  As for the self-confidence, I'm working on it.  It'll be easier once I've gotten past this current strip of insomnia and whatnot.

Well, Vector, to tell the truth, I don't find it that bad. And yes, going for a random walk at 2am is normal. Bring your friends back mcdonalds. 'My Friend Who I Talked To About This' probably doesn't have it as bad as you, but, 'He/She/It' Has the same problem with most of the stuff. To be honest, 'They' find the happiness is well worth the sadness, but we never see 'Him/Her/It' when 'They're' depressed, because they usually just go into their room for most of it, and catch up on the eating later. Fortunately 'They' are that kind of BiPolar (Can't remember the name) Which means that their happiness outweighs their sadness by a fair bit, but it's still a problem when 'They' get hurt doing something stupid, because the risks just aren't thought of at that time. Still managed to make some money off a bet because 'They' thought that if 'They' thought hard enough about it, 'They' could fly. We said 'He/She/It' wouldn't jump. Heh.
But yeah, if you feel that you Need medication, then go ahead and use it, seriously. They exist for the reason because there are people with a bad enough case that it's necessary, so with your case, this is entirely possible.


Oh, and on a sad note... Though it's pretty out of context, and a dramatic change. I found out something today which has more or less ruined my plans for life. Well, that originally. But more or less ruined my chances of a good, or comfortable life.

Thanks, Tack, and I'm sorry for yelling at you.  In this area, though, going for a walk at any time when it's dark is a distinctly bad idea: it's like the hippie capital of the US, or something, which means more drugged out homeless people than you can throw a rock at.  This is especially applicable when you're alone and female, since there's been a lot of sexual harassment problems and issues with guys being attacked and beaten.

I don't end up happy so much as "happy + easy to enrage," which is not exactly the same thing... and for me, no amount of ecstasy would be worth this kind of depression.  I've been the normal sort of depressed for a good long time, and that's manageable.  This is the really horrible kind, and I'm hoping I'll be able to say farewell to it forever soon.

... I just want this to be over and done with.  With any luck, it will end and I'll be able to think my way out of a paper bag again.


How can you not be able to get a good or comfortable life, though, Tack?  I mean, you seem young-ish, so... what could possibly ruin your future so absolutely?

[Solifuge]

Severe thunderstorm/tornado warning. This puts a dampner on my plans to get stuff done this afternoon.

[Pillow_Killer]

I'm already ugly (or at least, that's what they tell me).  I have AS.  I speak in a flat tone of voice, am underweight, and have tics.  I stutter.  I dress poorly.  I hunch over, I rock, I speak incomprehensibly (better recently, I'm happy to say), I hop around and skip through the halls.  I'm violent.  I'm arrogant.  I'm clumsy.  I drop things and run into walls.  I constantly get lost.  I'm prone to fits of rage and cry when people change schedules on me too quickly.  Same thing for loud noises.  I don't like being touched.

So you know what?  I'm not really expecting anyone to love me, ever.  It'd be nice if someone did, but I'm not expecting it.  I'm expecting to die cold, alone, and friendless on a pile of proofs.  It's what I've expected my entire life, and I imagine it's what I'll end up getting.  That's not the concern--and it makes me sad sometimes, but not really depressed.

I don't give a shit about the ecstatic happiness, since it doesn't do me any good.  I end up happy for no reason, knowing I'm happy for no reason, and ending up needing to eat some 5 meals a day.  I can't sleep.  I'm irritable and bored with everything, and convinced that I'm some kind of messiah.  I hide that, of course, since it's arrogant.  It's delusional.  I walk through the math library, giddy, thinking that every textbook was written by all those great men just for me.  I laugh my way down the street.  I feel antsy and energetic, like I've been drinking caffeine all day.  It's a mental explosion.  But you know what?  It's there, and I sure as hell want it to go away... and no, it's not going away on its own. 

You just described me two years ago.

[Solifuge]

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I am witty, charming, and the pinnacle of both manliness and intellect.

I'm also entirely not serious. Still, talking yourself lower does no one any good, unless the goal is to evoke sympathy or pity. Even in that case, it doesn't do any good. Better to focus on strengths, and look on less strong areas as things to improve on.

I'm sad that I totally fumbled through a simple logic puzzle, spending close to an hour and a half on it, and then after all that answered it wrong.

Spoiler: Riddle me This, Spoiler Answers Please (click to show/hide)

A Harpy, winged, watches coldly.
A Satyr, piping, prances boldly.
A Naga guarding, ever more.
A Golem carved as from the floor.
A Werewolf will round out the five.
Choose the right one to stay alive!

Every monster likes to eat,
But which finds Humankind a treat?
Each one dwells in just one place,
A single drink is for each race,
All have colors, one apiece,
The key is which on Human feasts.

One-half-a-goat lives in the Trees,
The Serpentine, on Half-Elf feeds,
The Hairy One fills up on Grog,
Left of the Dungeon are Cliffs Of Fog,
Cliff dwellers all drink Ale, they say,
He who eats Gnomes is fond of Gray,

Deep in the Cave, one favors Red,
In Center is the Wino's bed,
The Feathered Femme lives in the First,
The friend of Brown, for Beer will thirst,
The beast who prefers all things Blacker,
Resides next to the Dwarven snacker,

Tis beside the one in Red,
Resides an Elven eater's stead,
Next to the Pit, the Flyer dwells,
The Construct thinks that Green is swell,
A neighbor of the Black of heart,
Feels drinking Water is an art.

No more clues will help your plight,
So give the answer, when it's right.
Though when it's known, they'll be no doubt,
So please don't plead, don't beg, don't pout.
Divine the answer, though it's cruel,
Who eats Humans as a rule?

[Pillow_Killer]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Er, That would be a harpy, unless Im totally confused.
Anyway, tihs is pretty nice, where did ya get this riddle?

[Vector]

... This is one of those old "Einstein matrix problems" (I mean that he wrote a particularly famous one.  They all have the same solution style) they give out in elementary school/discrete math textbooks for the purpose of training logical reasoning.  If I have time later, I'll do the picture and scan it in.

[Solifuge]

Oh, I know how to solve it. I just had a logical fallacy, and lept to a conclusion I couldn't have. Since I think graphically, I drew it out on a 5x5 grid, and listed all the knowns, and put the comparative laws next to it.

I'm bummed that I screwed up though, when even I can recognize it's relatively simple to solve. :/

[ein]

I borrowed an art book from a friend and now I have to either scan about fifty pages of stuff or only use it today.
Such a horrible dilemma.
Compared to the rest of my life.

[Solifuge]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Er, That would be a harpy, unless Im totally confused.
Anyway, tihs is pretty nice, where did ya get this riddle?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I think we lept to the same conclusion... just because the Cliffs are to the left of the Dungeon doesn't mean they are directly to the left.

[Vector]

Okay, I have a solution.  I'll scan it in tomorrow after I finish my withdrawal.

...

Oh god, I'm actually withdrawing from university.  My parents don't seem to believe me when I say I'm going back.