Finding motivation to tackle all the little things that I need to tackle is extremely difficult. I can know, logically, that they need doing, but when it comes time to make a decision about what to do with an afternoon, I often cave and do the easiest thing available, and postpone the unpleasant or difficult stuff... and it never gets done.
The end result is that hundreds of tiny things that need doing... my beta fish needs to be transferred to a larger tank, which needs cleaning and a surface to set on, which requires that I clean off my computer desk and go out and buy better screws to support the weight since I jerryrigged it with little ones, which requires that I drive to the nearest hardware store, which reminds me that my car is out of coolant and one of the tires is leaking about 2PSI of air per day, which can only be resolved if I buy new parts and such from the automotive store, which requires that I go to the credit union, and every time I go in they remind me that I have to resolve an issue with my old bank that is preventing me from getting a checking account and credit card, which is why I still haven't been able to get a cell phone or internet at my new apartment, etc. ad nauseum.
I need to work on my discipline.
I have a gigantic wall of bravado I use to fend off all attacks, plus my battering ram of personality I use to deal with anti-social people.
If it's a girl I want to get to know better <- insert inverted commas here, I just pull down a curtain on my gigantic wall of bravado, in order to show them a small peek at my Inner wall of vulnerability.
Nobody knows what my core is. Not even me. Not even Skeletor.
My ego is a giant act. It's a habit I learned at a young age as a method of self-deprecating humor; act arrogant (I do this much more in person) and entertain people by being humorously more prideful than the situation warrants. I think it came about because I'm extremely easy-going, and being a somewhat kind, accepting, and stoic person ended up getting me ignored at best, and taken advantage of at worst.
I'm the same person still, but I now cover it up with a veneer of humorous bravado, and make an effort to be funny in most things. I think the larger part of my social interactions surround entertaining others in some way... it works well to offset the introspective, analytical, and easy-going inner me, but I tend to think it ends up surrounding me with people who are looking for my outward persona. At its base, it's a social survival tactic... but I do get tired of it from time to time, and it's so deeply-ingrained that it's something I don't even notice anymore.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9473918 times)