Basically, I want to get through junior high doing as little work as possible, and then work extremely hard in highschool, when there are advantages. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe there's something wrong with this outlook.
There are people in my class who work hard, get honours, etc., yet I have no idea why. Why are they working hard when there's no payoff? Working hard now won't help them later... why not just work hard when it counts, and coast by lazily when it doesn't?
That's my outlook. Now, I arrived at the above conclusions, which basically means I'm lazy and won't accomplish anything important, yet I'm content with that. That's the problem, see -- I'm depressed about being content with that.
Should I suddenly start working hard?...
The reason why you work hard now is that it makes working hard later one hell of a lot easier (provided that you don't burn out). I worked one kind of hard through high school, which made my okay-ish grades throughout the first year of college fairly easy to grab--but once I realized what I wanted to do with my life, I discovered that I had to step up to the plate in an entirely different way, and that if I'd tried this out in high school, things would have probably been a lot easier later.
If you're unhappy, you need to find out what makes you happy and do that. Part of growing up is realizing that you can't do everything. You can't both work ridiculously hard and slack off, be with others and be alone. You cannot be a person of both extremes--so you have to make your choices and make your peace.
People work hard for different reasons. Some are looking for approval; some have odd and idealistic dreams beyond what one might expect. If you aren't one of those people, then there's no real reason to work that hard. "Being average" or "a bit above average" will get you far enough. There's just a question of what you
can do, and what you
want to do. Doing what makes you unhappy won't really get you places. After a certain point, unhappiness starts destroying you.
If you stop taking everything so seriously, you will be much happier.
The people in that car with the shade have the right idea.
You might not realize it, but there are millions of them,
and there has to be some way that they survive, right?
You can be one of them, and you can take advantage of that lifestyle.
If I stopped living the way I do... well, I'm sorry to say it, but I'd go insane. I've tried it and it didn't work. I just grew angry at the emptiness of my life and had to go back to trying hard and running in the desert, for when I stopped that shade which had seemed so appealing lost its comfort. I'm not like those people, I guess. I can't survive in the shade. It isn't my natural habitat.