...he knows gay marriage is totally legal in Canada right? And the conservative cock prime minister that was starting to curdle into a racist got replaced by another dude.
...
Actually on second thought don't tell him any of that.
Trudeau doesn't seem better than Harper right now. Lots of people are thinking he's going to follow through with Bill C51 or whatever its called that allows them to police the internet like Nazis. Plus, he's become a sex idol, and it fucking pisses me off because that's all he's seen as.
Regardless, I had a shitty day. Got yelled at on the forums for making errors for starters. Secondly, this one girl, who has taken it upon herself to try and make me not so scared of women keeps pushing me more and more out of my boundaries to the point its scaring me. And to others, its fucking absurd how I'm reacting.
Seriously, these people I hang out with spent half an hour slapping this one girl's ass as a joke, plus apparently they've been flashing boobs, and today, the girl woh's ass was getting slapped, her BOYFRIEND comes up to me and decides its funny, because I'm "innocent" in terms of sexuality (i'm still a virgin and my 21st birthday is in 5 days (go ahead and make fun of me because everyone fucking does it already), to give me a lap dance. I told the guy to get off, even pushed him, and he did it twice. The third time, I actually got up and motioned to kick him in the balls, but I stopped myself.
I'm fucking losing it. I already fucking relapsed last week and if this keeps up, I'm going to relapse again. The next few hours ensued with me being very upset over that, plus everyone thinking it was the best joke ever (especially how red I get when shit like this comes up) and that girl who keeps trying to push my boundaries jokingly asked if it was better if she was doing the lap dance (I told her no because she has a boyfriend (who isn't me)). And that girl's boyfriend also said if he beat me at cards against humaity, I have to give HIM a lap dance, but if I won, he gave me one (his girlfriend wanted to do it instead, so I said no but have her do it for me).
I feel left out and alien with these people because I'm still a virgin and I have NO IDEA what they're talking about. And what upsets me is one of them says its perfectly ok to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend if its with someone of the opposite gender of their boyfriend/girlfriend (WHICH IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. Cheating is cheating, don't fucking justify it!).
I also went back to that dark place again where i spent the next hour or so in my murder fantasys... I don't like them and I don't want them, but they always come up when someone does something to me and there isn't anything I can do. They've been coming up a lot recently, and with my mom harassing me, my sister being a bitch, and THIS SHIT, I'm losing my fucking mind... I'm sad because it hurts, I feel left out, embarrassed and inferior. And I'm angry and upset because I can't fucking talk about it to people because THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. Its like trying to explain to them what happened to me in rehab: there is no possible way for me to explain it, so I don't...
I fucking hate how much of an outcast I feel and I don't want to be a fucking slut in order to just understand a fraction of what they're saying or doing or even be remotely comfortable with what they're doing