hrm
Exam coming up in a week, feeling uncharacteristically unmotivated to do anything about it despite it being a subject that i can actually handle. Mom's basically revving up to get angry about it already, telling me to "get going so i won't stand there on the last day with a stupid excuse like last time" (she has a point on the part about getting going, of course). Probably doesn't help that i haven't mentioned that anxiety is also a huge factor here. I haven't mentioned it because i fear that she'll just get angry about it, like she does with pretty much everything that she mildly disapproves of. I also don't think she realizes that you can't just rationalize anxiety away, and that shouting at anxious people only serves to further the harm.
She's a great mom, really, when you discount the temper that would make Cerberus go whimper in a corner. I just feel like i really need a break from all this university bahoogle, so i can sort out myself in the present before i sort out my future. It's really not easy to concentrate on a study when you're constantly being plagued by doubt and insecurity, especially when some of the doubts are "is this what i want to do with my life?" and the likes. Unfortunately, my dear mom, a very large figure in my life, doesn't really believe that a break would do me any good, saying that i'd just sit in the basement and game all the time away. I would game, for sure, but i'm bloody tired of not knowing what i want to do, so i'd probably, y'know, look around for things. Maybe even find some free time activities, once i have the excess.