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[Skyrunner]

The minecraft server I was playing on crashed, and it won't come back up until like 6 hours later when mcfry gets back on :[

[Tiruin]

Don't loathe yourself, Kal. What's wrong comes not from you, but from the outside. You know you're not wrong: don't listen to those who are saying you are.
As for the painkillers, can you go see a doctor? If you are in need, and it sounds like you are, you should be able to get more on prescription.

I wish I could give you more than this right now. Hang in there, Kal

This.
The same to you, MC. While it may be reasonable on that idea they say--it is never reasonable to conclude outright without fully understanding the situation, as therein lies malign reasoning.

...In short, given my lacking time to type out a formal reply, @MC: That's untrue, if used as a conclusion as itself, and very untrue if used onto you. Especially given the 'Guarantee' part.

Same to Kal. :/ I really hope you find help there who would accommodate what is...bugging you, so to say. If you can't currently find any, try researching online on that matter? Sorry for brevity here!

[Reudh]

It's a deduction people make that 'if someone vents by hitting things when they're mad, they're more likely to hit people they're mad at, which could include significant others. Thus people who hit walls when they're mad are more likely to physically abuse people'. There's a bit of a correlation there, but not much of one because it ignores so many mitigating factors.

That said, I don't know how a muscle spasm can result in a punch thrown at full force. Is it involuntary movement or more like cramping?

[i2amroy]

It's a deduction people make that 'if someone vents by hitting things when they're mad, they're more likely to hit people they're mad at, which could include significant others. Thus people who hit walls when they're mad are more likely to physically abuse people'. There's a bit of a correlation there, but not much of one because it ignores so many mitigating factors.

The physical abuse thing is definitely bullshit. That said there have been a significant number of studies that have shown that people who use physical things to help them deal with anger (punching pillows, hitting walls, whatever) tend to get angrier easier and therefore need to hit things more often as compared to those people who hold their anger in. Practice taking out your anger on something and your mind comes to depend on that release and it becomes easier for you to lose your cool. Practice holding it in and your mind gets better at doing so. (Funnily enough this isn't exactly new knowledge either, there are at least a handful of older buddhist texts that speak about how the one who releases his anger "masters the path to anger" while the one who controls themselves "masters the path of self control".)

And both trends are totally self-reinforcing to! The person who lets their anger out learns to depend on that and so they let their anger out more often (since it does feel good in the short term at least), so they learn to depend on letting it out more so they have to let it out more often and so on. Similarly the person who practices holding it in becomes better at holding it in so they are less likely to have an outburst and are able to hold it in more often.

So despite what people sometimes say about the dangers of holding in your anger, it's actually a lot better for both you and the people around you to try to do so as absolute much as you can (which is not to say that you ignore the things that make you angry, but rather that you deal with them in a way that is not carried by your anger).

[RedKing]

Well, in that context "holding it in" doesn't just mean not lashing out. It means taking control of it and neutralizing it internally. If you just suppress it but you're still simmering beneath the surface, that sets the stage for an even more explosive release further down the road.

I used to have wicked bad rage issues. Holes in the wall and getting into arguments where I'd literally get so angry that I lost the ability to speak and just screamed through clenched teeth while grabbing my head like I was getting worked over by the dude from Scanners. Part of what broke me out of that cycle was my first girlfriend (when I was about 17). Because I was terrified that I was going to lose my shit about something and hurt her or scare her away. So I started learning self-control (incidentally, this was about the time I started becoming a Taoist, which was tremendously helpful in that regard.)

[ChairmanPoo]

Well, in that context "holding it in" doesn't just mean not lashing out. It means taking control of it and neutralizing it internally. If you just suppress it but you're still simmering beneath the surface, that sets the stage for an even more explosive release further down the road.

For some reason I thought you were talking about diarrhea at first...

[Tiruin]

It's a deduction people make that 'if someone vents by hitting things when they're mad, they're more likely to hit people they're mad at, which could include significant others. Thus people who hit walls when they're mad are more likely to physically abuse people'. There's a bit of a correlation there, but not much of one because it ignores so many mitigating factors.

That said, I don't know how a muscle spasm can result in a punch thrown at full force. Is it involuntary movement or more like cramping?

This could occur, though not as a 'punch' which we usually know (outstretched, straight arm).
Other related ideas could be Dystonia (as a general notion) or...pretty much a lot of things ._. It varies, however, and there are videos regarding such a condition on youtube, though not...that in-depth on the medical side.

...I'm not inferring or implying you have Dystonia, MC. Just getting the idea out and all.

[scrdest]

It's a deduction people make that 'if someone vents by hitting things when they're mad, they're more likely to hit people they're mad at, which could include significant others. Thus people who hit walls when they're mad are more likely to physically abuse people'. There's a bit of a correlation there, but not much of one because it ignores so many mitigating factors.

That said, I don't know how a muscle spasm can result in a punch thrown at full force. Is it involuntary movement or more like cramping?

This could occur, though not as a 'punch' which we usually know (outstretched, straight arm).
Other related ideas could be Dystonia (as a general notion) or...pretty much a lot of things ._. It varies, and I'm uncertain as to the exact scope of things.

I doubt it would be at full force, at any rate. A muscle spasm is, outside of really pathological cases such as tetanus, limited in range. A full-force punch takes several muscles to be actually full force. It'd more likely by a very aggressive flail than a punch.

[mastahcheese]

Perhaps "punch" was a poor word choice. My arm wasn't fully outstretched. I was standing in a doorway, and hit that, my arm was still only bent about half way. I don't know if it really was full force or not, but it was enough to bleed.

[miauw62]

I wish there was somebody in RL I could talk to about my problems.
As it stands, there really isn't anybody to talk to... My family always just gets me worked up more, and I'm not comfortable telling my best friend a lot of things.

[Yoink]

I can certainly relate there, Miauw.
It'd be amazing having someone I could actually talk to.

[mastahcheese]

not sure how to delete a post but this is in place of delete sorry and this is his wife sorry for being a noob

[Helgoland]

1) Don't go into people's private accounts on websites you don't know. Privacy is a great thing for a successful relationship.
2) Use paragraphs, for crying out loud! That wall of text is basically unreadable.
3) Maybe talk  to him instead of random people on the internet that you don't know?
4) Be happy that he hasn't left you yet. Seriously. And then start thinking about how to fix things.

[TD1]

Hrmm.

Yes, bad form to use his account. If you truly want the marriage to work, talk to him about it. Relate. Don't operate on a tit for tat basis. Operate under the assumption that you're at least as much in the wrong as he is. Better yet, forget that either of you were ever in the wrong.

As for the format of your post, Helgo is just a purist. As long as the message is given, anything else is just aesthetics. (Though often helpful aesthetics.)

[scrdest]

so this is his wife and im not sure how to use this site im very sorry I just wanted say what made me sad today since everyone eles can im not sure what he has been saying to you guys but I hope you know it is only his side of the story so I hope you understand that if you have examples of things he mentioned on our marriage or exc please question me and il answer as best I can and again im sorry if this bothers anyone but its unfair to only have his side and bash somebody with no proof I would never slander him or our relationship he promised before we married he would not do this and to our marriage councilor but he lied so if you want to tell me the side you heard il give you mine thank you and sorry to bother anyone. what made me sad today is to find my husband has been hiding the fact he has been slandering our marriage and my family and having secret convos with peeps I say this lightly I hope you understand what I mean this wouldn't be an issue for a normal relationship but we discussed these things with our councilor and these are no nos I find sad that when he does something wrong im not aloud to mention it or its my fault in some way I want this marriage to work and im only posting this because if he can do this so can I that's only fair right? and he has let me use his account before so I don't see why that would be a problem but im new here I don't know im sorry theirs other things like his manipulation problems but that's more privet agein since everyone else can vent so can I but I can already tell il get hate because for some reason only he can vent im so sorry if im wrong but I have a social a phobia and iv never done anything like this id never dream of it but gosh I don't know what else to do please give me advise and not one-sided hate also because I will probably regret posting this I may delete it but if does it why cant I? im so confused a relationship without respect and complaining on privet things for pitty and to turn others against that person is not ok in any relationship.

'Lied', 'slander', 'wouldn't be an issue for a normal relationship', 'I can already tell il get hate', 'complainging on privet things for pitty' all don't really help your case. If anything, it sounds *exactly* what I heard in actual dysfunctional relationships, and not from the victim either.

From the sound of things, it's over. It's dead. It's an ex-relationship, as it were.

Otherwise, what Helgo said.