I could post about my uncertain emotional state at present to divert the topic.
What's got our resident horror down?
Rather mundane shit, to be honest. I've been infatuated with a certain girl for about 2-3 years now. There's a whole bunch of stuff in between when I first met her and now, but short version we never really went beyond friends because due to my then-present home situation I was a shy sunovabitch with no real self esteem and I didn't know how to talk to people about romantic stuff, still don't. Haven't talked with her since after I finished high school, but the attraction never really faded, even if I periodically forgot about it for a week or two before I'd see her somewhere or a picture of her on Facebook or whatever and it'd resurface. Funnily enough it helped me talk to other girls since I felt no attraction toward them. It's been in that same situation for several months now, hence my repeated posts being pissed about dopamine. Today I found out I wasn't scheduled for work like I thought I was, so I was gonna go home, but instead of doing that, and knowing that there was no point to doing this, instead of getting on the bus and going home I went and walked by her house for no real reason, since she lives close by my work - I believe, anyway. She may have moved out in the meantime. I then walked back to the bus and went home, having made a ~2 km round trip for no real reason at all. So this is gonna probably just persist until I do something about it, as the problem exists entirely inside my own mind. But I haven't the slightest idea or pretext on which to contact her, so I can't really do anything but stew in this goddamn attraction that won't go away.
Fuckin brains.
Shit, this ended up a huge blurb again. Dang.