It's almost as if homophobes turn being gay explicitly into attention-seeking behavior [in their own mind] and then come up with half-reasoning to explain how they aren't homophobes, just against the 'ones who always shout it out'
That's wrong. You can't use homophobia- a crime- as a stamp to put on someone who has a problem with a certain guy's attitude.
I have sat and spent 45 mins bitching about the outrageous flamboyance of a gay guy at a friend's party. Am I a homophobe?
Probably, unless you consider that I was sitting with my gay friend and his boyfriend, whilst the three of us were being snarky and annoyed together. The fact I even have to Stoop to the "I have gay friends so I'm not a homophobe" cliche makes me mad.
So maybe, possibly- I'm not a homophobe, and that guy actually was an attention whore.
There's a problem- flamboyance is now synonymous with gayness because of the stereotypes circulating; they are circulating because the archetype of the flamboyant, attention seeking gay man is common. "Manly men" are an archetype who are usually reserved and dislike large displays. So therefore because one Archetype dislikes another, they're homophobes- regardless of the fact that they're perfectly allowed to dislike "omggirls", etc.
Discrimination can go two ways, and closed-mindedness certainly can. Someone is perfectly able to have a problem with your attitude without having a problem with your sexuality, even though saying they're a gay-basher is so much easier than coming to the difficult conclusion that you may have a personality clash.
This being said- some homophobes Do, and some say things like "I don't mind gays as long as they stay quiet about it"- that's wrong.
But Mictlantecuhtli, your post sounded incredibly accusatory, and if there's One group of people that I'll feel suitably meta in white-knighting, it's mis-labelled WASPs.