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[Darvi]

I'll try to put it in words you will understand.


Words not come out, they go wargleblargle. People go "what you say?"

[Itnetlolor]

Spoiler: Too edgy for the forums (click to show/hide)

It's a fact which precludes the thoughts of many: trusting others. That's the first basic of true communication.

This explains why I cannot form complete sentences without devolving into incomprehensible mumbling.

Then I believe I have found a highly plausible conclusion to my problem. Trust.

I have been scorned, burned, sold out, humiliated, and insulted from inside-out all my life from all walks of life, starting from my early childhood; worst of all, looking back, I think my best friends at the time were in collusion with my bullies. I have serious trust issues, and can maybe only trust people that have endured the same hell as I have. I'm a fallen angel that had his wings clipped since childhood; and speaking of which, a certain movie really didn't help with my namesake in that regard either, further enforcing and stoking the flames that burned me, rather than forged me.

Ironically enough, my name originally meant Caretaker, and named after an extremely selfless person. Thanks to the re-purpose, I feel the title is rather appropriate, I just needed a context change to vindicate myself. In a sense, why am I like I am? Because of people doing a play-on about me being an antichrist, despite being a good person; not to mention your general asshole that would never let up, and useless friends that did nothing to protect you, despite giving you their word. I don't as much have trust issues (in reality, yes, technically, I do), I have people issues; I'm just wiser on where to draw the line. I'm an outcast by society's choice; and in return, I rejected society; even abandoned it for 5 years to devote to being homeschooled just to avoid the hassle of being around people. Non-shockingly, it took a whole school year for people to notice I was missing. Nice to know I made an impact on people. In a sense, I guess that can explain some of my madness. Summary: I hate reality with so much of my core being, I'm willing to figure out how to shatter it; even as far as not giving a fuck about the consequences of letting Hell literally break loose.

Oddly enough, I think I understand why I sympathize the devil so much at times. He and I are sorta in the same boat. I mean, he used to be called Lucifer, the Light Bearer (possibly a dark angel that cast shadows to make the light noticeable/visible; thus "bearing light"? Like an ironic name?). And then he became Satan. Mark Twain kinda comes to mind. I remember finding a quote relevant to this.

But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?

Not to mention, isn't being prayed for a birthright, in a sense? I thought my religion was supposed to also teach forgiving your enemies (not in the mood at the time; it will come). I mean, nobody ever prays for that poor bastard. If anything, he always gets the shit beaten out of him, and cast right back into Hell in most prayers. NOTE: Not converting to Satanism or anything of the sort; just sorta noting that my religion ain't quite fully open-minded yet, by standard perspective. Always a good argument to toss in for anyone that claims to always be nice. If you're so nice and forgiving, can you forgive even the devil himself? (also kinda citing my True Mark of a Nice Guy thing again, with this for relevance.)

[Descan]

Spoiler: With apologies for being a dick, a reality check: (click to show/hide)

Don't normally be-a-dick like this but seriously.

[Itnetlolor]

Meh. I felt I needed to get that out, at least. Maybe it just needed to be heard. I don't know who may need it, but whatever. It's out of my system now.

[Glloyd]

Not really a sad, but no better place for it. I've been having shooting pains up my right arm and a constant ache in my right wrist for most of the day. I don't know what happened, and it's been making me feel like shit, and a bit nauseous as well. Urgh.

Any trauma to the wrist lately?

Not that I can recall, which is annoying. A good night's sleep took away the shooting pain, but it still aches and is extremely stiff. It also hurts when I try to move it. I'm scheduled to play a show tonight, but I'm really dreading playing guitar with my strumming arm like this.

From the common stuff, carpal tunnel syndrome, maybe. Or... any bites?

No bites, but I've had stiffness and pain in that wrist for a couple years now, but nothing this bad. I think carpal tunnel is sadly the most likely, and I'd chalk it up to my music. Sad how the things in life that you love most always cause you the most pain.

[MaximumZero]

Sad how the things in life that you love most always cause you the most pain.

Yeah, no kidding.

[Spehss _]

You guys ever stay up too late at night just looking at bullshit on the internet? And then you realize that it's getting too late and you need to sleep? And then you realize you had all these other plans and things you wanted to do before going to sleep, and now it's too late to do that because you spent so much time looking at meaningless bullshit on the internet? And so you feel really guilty about the wasted time and missed opportunities and can't go to sleep because of the guilt and so you keep looking at the meaningless bullshit internet drivel you wasted so much time on in an effort to distract yourself from the guilt while being fully aware that you're just making the guilt worse?

Because I just did that. Again.

[SalmonGod]

You guys ever stay up too late at night just looking at bullshit on the internet? And then you realize that it's getting too late and you need to sleep? And then you realize you had all these other plans and things you wanted to do before going to sleep, and now it's too late to do that because you spent so much time looking at meaningless bullshit on the internet? And so you feel really guilty about the wasted time and missed opportunities and can't go to sleep because of the guilt and so you keep looking at the meaningless bullshit internet drivel you wasted so much time on in an effort to distract yourself from the guilt while being fully aware that you're just making the guilt worse?

Because I just did that. Again.

Yes.  Except I don't consider most of the stuff I look at to be meaningless bullshit.

[~Neri]

Yes but I don't see it as meaningless bullshit.

[Descan]

Damnit, Grimith.

[Yoink]

You guys ever stay up too late at night just looking at bullshit on the internet? And then you realize that it's getting too late and you need to sleep? And then you realize you had all these other plans and things you wanted to do before going to sleep, and now it's too late to do that because you spent so much time looking at meaningless bullshit on the internet? And so you feel really guilty about the wasted time and missed opportunities and can't go to sleep because of the guilt and so you keep looking at the meaningless bullshit internet drivel you wasted so much time on in an effort to distract yourself from the guilt while being fully aware that you're just making the guilt worse?

Because I just did that. Again.

Yeah, I do that all the time. Right down to the "meaningless bullshit" part- I'm honest enough to admit it, heh.

[Parsely]

It's kinda sad that vans are always so dumpy and creepy.

[Yoink]

Spoiler: I beg to differ. (click to show/hide)

[Frumple]

No, that's definitely in the creepy van category. Maybe not quite dumpy (honestly, it's kinda' dumpy just by dint of being old), but definitely creepy. I would be inclined to distrust someone driving or riding in that vehicle. That's the kind of van that has college-aged people tied up in the floorboard against their will. Admittedly an improvement over the ones that have high-school and lower aged people tied up in the floorboard against their will, but still not a good thing.

[DJ]

How about this van?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)