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[scrdest]

Not really a sad, but no better place for it. I've been having shooting pains up my right arm and a constant ache in my right wrist for most of the day. I don't know what happened, and it's been making me feel like shit, and a bit nauseous as well. Urgh.

Any trauma to the wrist lately?

[Projeck37]

Out of books to read, so I can't read in bed, so now it takes ages to fall asleep because I keep thinking about my crush >.<

I have that predicament as well... except my crush happens to have cancer... ;-;

_{Hazel Grace Lancaster?}
I know that was a terrible joke morally and joke-wise, I'm sorry.

...Dammit SB.
I mean, I get the reference but gah.

Now then... Time for me to cry myself to sleep now that it's 5 am...

[mastahcheese]

I am super depressed right now.

[~Neri]

* Kevak huggles mastahcheese

What happened?

[RedKing]

Writing this from the hospital. (Here to visit my mother who's been in ICU for over two weeks)

I hate hospitals.

[Itnetlolor]

I find it funny, in a sad way, how either I'm clueless to any signs of interest females might be sending my way (I'm socially retarded in that aspect because nobody in my life has ever (bothered to have) taught me how to read women whatsoever, despite begging for help when it became a noticable problem (I think women mistake me for "playing for the other team", because I CAN'T read them)), or the genuine utter lack of interest in a guy like me there is (and I've been witness to their target of interest one way or another. I continue to question reality and how much sense it's supposed to make. I understand being rejected for assholes, as the common Nice Guy trope would have us believe; but total stereotype-brand douchebags? Getup and all? Seriously. What? How fucking old are we? This phase should have passed since teenage years, but it's stronger than ever in adulthood.).

I've had my share of recent social gatherings and actually going out once in awhile, and I still think willingly giving up overall on trying to enter the dating scene is the wisest choice I have ever made. It makes no sense, women don't make any sense, even after trying to understand them for decades (my sisters are no help in translating, since they don't understand me, or any of my notes, or the help I'm asking for. Apparently asking for a wingman, or a non-run-of-the-mill BS cop-out advice, is like getting a HAZMAT license. The kinds of paperwork, so to put it, I have to fill out, and only to get to the next worthless step.). I've been enlightened, and I still can't make sense of anything. Apparently, being myself scares the ever-loving shit out of people, because I'm happy, relaxed, being an overall smartass sometimes, and using unorthodox methods to solve a problem (like using my feet to grab my nephew's raft, and back-paddling with my arms, like wings, to drag him to safety like a hawk. Quite a show of strength too, since that was not easy to pull off. That was a recent event that in hindsight, and looking at it from a different perspective, would have been funny as hell to watch.).

Despite my time hanging out and whatnot, I glance about from time to time, and nobody (that I would assume would take interest) bats an eye; not even a check-out look, or even attempting to hide it. Oh well, to all women who find me so "boring", I leave you to your boring-ass lifestyle. I'm keeping the course, and being happy, even if it means dying alone. At least I know what's interesting and fun. I matter to myself more than anyone else by this point. For what it's worth, for having to put up with so much crap, letting myself go and being a glutton is my way of rewarding my body for it's service of keeping me alive.

[mastahcheese]

Hope things get better, RK.

@Kevak: I think it's because I'm sick, I feel like I have a cold.

[Kadzar]

Posting this here since there's no "Things that made you feel like a fucking idiot today thread" as far as I know.

So I finally worked up the courage to ask out the girl from work I'd been interested in (since it was one of the few days she was working while I was there). Turns out she's married. Who's the idiot who decided the signifier for that should be a tiny little strip of metal around the outermost end of a long appendage?

So I had to go to work today. I was prepared to take some shit for this from people, then make some jokes about it and get over it.

No one said a goddamn thing about it to me.

I'm not sure if rumor of the incident just didn't spread or if people were intentionally not bringing it up, but it stressed me out, since I was expecting to have a cathartic experience here, and instead simply nothing happened.

[Bauglir]

@Itnet

Don't worry, buddy, I'm given to understand that women find men just as baffling. So it's not just you. Everyone's in this boat together, pretty much.

[Itnetlolor]

@Itnet

Don't worry, buddy, I'm given to understand that women find men just as baffling. So it's not just you. Everyone's in this boat together, pretty much.

As far as I can figure, the most ideal mate for me by this point would be a woman just as frustrated with men as I am with women (and she's in just as hopeless a case as I am as well. Attractive, smarter than they appear, older than they look (I prefer an age close to mine; yet able to fool the best. Acting immature from time to time helps), plenty capable, self-sufficient, insane yet stable, naive yet wise; having a score of '0' also helps), and we share notes, and serve as each others' translators, or something. Of course, that's also a potential shipping lane, if I understand the trope correctly. In essence, basically a distaff counterpart.

[Vector]

.

[Itnetlolor]

In my case, it's more a sense of just trying to figure it out to get it out of the way. This is more a case of my pride. I need to vindicate what the hell made me so undetectable or repulsive, despite the fact that I'm entirely myself without any exaggeration or anything. I have my oddities and so forth, and I know where to draw the line on certain things here and there. But I have to stop once in awhile and look to see what's going on, and so forth.

Like I said: giving up is the best thing I have done. If I was broadcasting anything, that is shut off, and if I was able to read anything, I shut that off as well. Nothing but static either way, so I'm conserving energy and peace of mind, and like with politics, getting the fuck out of it, and staying away from it like the plague. Basically, I'm giving up for the sake of my own inner peace. I worked hard to achieve it, and I'm no longer letting anything get to it.

Then again, I'm a bit of a masochist, so sometimes I'll probably misfire, and set myself off again somewhere down the line eventually. I stopped worrying about it, and consider it a series of phases and such. At least I can study that and find a way to shut that down as well; or at least, find a way to channel it elsewhere more useful.

Thanks nonetheless for the advice.

EDIT:
As for women being alien to me. Ironically, I've been around women all my life. I don't know when I stopped speaking the same language as them, but it sure as hell is frustrating beyond reason. Makes me not regret going the deaf-mute angle intentionally from now on. I figure I might as well return the favor. No matter what they do (even if they attempt to seduce me with their body; if at least to get a rise out of me, and nothing more (sick and tired of that game, BTW)), I will not react or even acknowledge them; especially if they show interest in me. Doesn't feel so good, does it?

I am aware it's not the wisest thing to do, if/when it eventually occurs, but it'll make me feel a hell of alot better returning the favor. Basically, my BS-sensors will be on full-power the entire time. If there is legit interest in me, and the real me, and not just my external qualities; I'll maybe change my mind. Other than that, don't be shocked how I would react otherwise. I'll make myself a living lesson.

[WillowLuman]

Did not sleep a goddamn wink last night. People were setting off their recreational explosives until literally sunrise. The dogs, freaking out, kept going around the house climbing into everyone's beds. Was scheduled to go to a protest today, but I just can't be bothered anymore. Ugh.

[Arx]

Wow. That sounds worse than Diwali and 5/11 put together.

Urgh. I'm supposed to get through a ton of maths, but I really can't be bothered, and it's irritating me. And I won't do it tomorrow, because it's my birthday, which is a nice thing but is getting in the way.

[ChairmanPoo]

My holiday plans for Scotland trip&trying to rekindle the flame with an old uni crush that for some reason I can't get over with have gone to hell. So I guess I'll just spend 15 days at home, taking care of my dogs, like last summer.