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[Tiruin]

I poke my head back in the thread and accidentally find people comforting me. You guys are too nice to random losers on the internet.

>_>
Man, dude. You should really reconsider your principles about yourself as they are wholly unrealistic. Loser? Useless?
Goodness. I'm really serious here in that I guess you may be holding yourself in a state which...puts yourself at others' expectations more than your own (or a measure of your own skill or prowess and such)

Whoever called you a loser anyway? :v

I need to stop worrying so much about everything.

No. Worrying is fine.
Worrying in such a way that it leads to destructive thinking or irrational logic is not fine.
You seem to be judging yourself by extremes. Why is posting what makes you sad here make you whiny, sad or rant-y? Bottling up emotions = catastrophe later on. Apathy is one huge indicator of it.
It seems you wish to leave due to the notion that does not, or ever lead to something bad-but that it may be perceived by others as bad//seeing you as a burden. That's not bad at all. I could say it is noble.

But egoistic? Doesn't seem like it. Doesn't want to grow up? You mentioned to me in PMs that you were willing to change. TO grow. To learn. That doesn't sound like immaturity or someone too complacent to grow in the least. You said it with sincerity.

I've to question that infinite loop: Was there no respite? Clarity or anything to your thoughts?

[Rose]

After finally making a release of my minecraft converter, very few people are interested.

[kaijyuu]

If I had lots of money, I'd retire. No more financial insecurities. I'd probably have my wife invest enough money to keep us comfortably afloat for the rest of our lives, then determine how to best spend the rest on helping others.

The most I could see either of us "splurging" would be buying lots of books, or maybe funding one of our game projects to be more professional. No castles, no maids, no cars, no planes, no yachts. Just comfy living. If we had an absurd amount of cash we might use it for some humanist or environmental cause, since we'd then have the power to actually do something good on a global scale.

After finally making a release of my minecraft converter, very few people are interested.

Might be because no one actually visits the 3rd party tool section of the forums.

If it's any consolation, my wife, who plays minecraft more than I do, thought it interesting.

[Tiruin]

You should link it in your sig, Japa. I didn't even know you released it... 

[kaenneth]

After finally making a release of my minecraft converter, very few people are interested.

DF <-> Minecraft?

[Tiruin]

After finally making a release of my minecraft converter, very few people are interested.

DF <-> Minecraft?

That one, exactly.
I didn't know it was released o_O

[Putnam]

After finally making a release of my minecraft converter, very few people are interested.

That's more an issue with the modding forum being dead most of the time anyway.

[Descan]

I'm sure it'll come back to life with the new release :v

It wouldn't surprise me if it went all zombie from a combination of people feeling that there isn't really anything left to do in the current version, Masterwork and co., seeming like "Well there's ALREADY this huge mod, not worth the bother", and people anticipating the new release and thinking "Errrr, not worth the bother if there's gonna be a huge bugger release that screws with my mod, I'll just wait."

[Rose]

You should link it in your sig, Japa. I didn't even know you released it... 

I did now.

[JoshuaFH]

God do I feel like an insufferable shit.

What am I even doing at this therapist besides humiliating myself?

I feel so stupid, it's absurd.

[Tiruin]

It...sounds absurd in this context. >.> Why is there even the idea of you humiliating yourself when you're with someone whose profession is to aid you?

[Mr Space Cat]

Whoever called you a loser anyway? :v

Because 9/10 scientists agree.[/joke]

Spoiler: srs answer (click to show/hide)

Serious answer, I'm a hardcore perfectionist who has way too high expectations of himself. Failure to meet those expectations result in negative feedback that belittles my perception of my self-worth, because I didn't succeed at whatever it was. Due to my perfectionism, I'm always aware of what I did wrong, and overemphasize the wrong and belittle or outright ignore what I did right, generally regardless of what others might think I did right.

Additionally, outside stimuli such as socially awkward socializing and not being as popular/high-achieving/successful/happy as various other people I encounter (mostly thru school) give me further ways to criticize myself, such as making unfair comparisons between me and someone else who is nothing like me. ex. "this one dude on the internet is 15 and plays all these complex guitar songs, and I don't, and I'm older than they are. I could play at their level if I devoted all my time to one thing, but I don't. I'm a bad person." This is unfair considering I don't practice enough to achieve such a level and it's unrealistic to do something like practice guitar 18 hours a day, but I ignore that and instead focus on how I didn't play guitar for 18 hours a day and instead wasted my time with everything else. other examples include "I'm not a top 10 student but these other guys are" but I don't try hard enough to get this kind of rank or "all these other people have tons of friends and I don't" when I don't try making more friends due to introversion, social anxiety, and low self esteem due to perfectionism, and I don't even want more friends but it's a flaw I can't criticize myself for etc etc.

I've been thinking like this for years. Doesn't help that I'm very achievement driven, and associate achievements with self-worth.  Failure to achieve at whatever on my part=lack of self-worth.

Blah blah blah, psych psych psych. I know it's a biased way of thinking. I'm seeing a psychiatrist about it.

tl;dr: I'm an extreme perfectionist who thinks that failure to be perfect belittles my worth as a person. Also I'm really sarcastic and have a tendency to make self-deprecating and sarcastic remarks. The comment "some loser on the internet" was a sarcastic jibe at myself which mocks my low self esteem and my tendency to waste time on the internet. Also poking fun at myself made me feel slightly less guilty with drawing so much attention to myself because I think I'm not worth that much attention. Due to my low self esteem. Due to my perfectionism.

tl:dr:tl:dr; I'm a perfectionist who associates achievements with self-worth and by constantly having imperfections and lack of anything I'd consider "achievements" --because all my "achievements" are unrealistic things I can't achieve, mind you-- I am logically worth less as a person than anyone else. Hence my sarcastically calling myself a loser. I called myself a loser.

[LordSlowpoke]

HUZZAH

* LordSlowpoke fwoomps in via ceiling

* LordSlowpoke grabs space cat

except you're not a loser

you're pretty fucking awesome

note that this means a lot, i consider a good 94% of humanity to be not worth measuring for the sake of my sanity

* LordSlowpoke sets space cat down and grabs random trinket

* LordSlowpoke jumps out window

[JoshuaFH]

It...sounds absurd in this context. >.> Why is there even the idea of you humiliating yourself when you're with someone whose profession is to aid you?

It just feels like I'm not doing myself any favors. Like I'm wasting my own time and money for the benefit of navel gazing with a spectator, and in the end wind up just confusing the both of us.

[hops]

Well, you still have that "Therapists are out to get me/Therapists are useless" attitude, so I guess it's not helping much if you still have such a stereotypical mindset for people who need therapy.