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[mastahcheese]

Once again, I find myself wanting to put something in here, about how I'm sad, and I realized that I sat here not typing anything for about 10 minutes, then decided to check my other tabs, and came back and I still don't know what to say, how to put my feelings into words.
All the details are gone, everything is the same now. There's no uniqueness to the days as they go by, it's all the same thing.
All of my emotions seem to consist of either depression or anger, until I can get home and sink into apathy again, for it to start again the next, identical day.

I got my check yesterday. Because of the many days of work I had to take off a while ago due to sickness, I didn't make enough to pay the bills. So now I have to ask for help and hope that they will be willing to.
My wife says that it's not my fault, and that I couldn't help getting sick, but I feel so worthless right now. I should be doing this, I should take care of things, and I don't. I feel like I should have just sucked it up and went to work anyway.

My mind is such a mess right now that I can't even focus my eyes right now, everything is coated with a slight blur, and I can't see colors right. My fingers feel heavy just trying to type, and I don't know what to do.
It's times like this that I want to just stop caring about everything, just find the part of myself that worries over everything and just shut it off, and go to sleep.

I know that this is just my depression acting up, and I have an appointment with a psychologist in just a couple weeks, but what do I do now? I really wish I didn't have this, that my mind would just get over itself and stop trying to make everything horrible.

I hate putting on this façade for everyone, because nobody will take the time to understand what this feels like, and they think that me being upset is just some attempt to get attention, so I have to act like nothing is ever wrong, and just continue to be the robot running on autopilot, without even so much as a pulse or shutter of independent thought.

I just can't take this much longer.

[Gentlefish]

-snip-

Is there anything that can help take your mind off of everything for at least a little bit? Something to make the couple of weeks until the visit shorter?

Because what's happening it's your fault, your wife is right. For all of what you've let show here on these forums, I think you're a really wonderful person and it makes me sad to hear you're suffering like this, makes me wish I could help somehow.

I hope everything turns out all right for you, Mastah.

[4maskwolf]

4maskwolf cancels grouse about life: interrupted by actually reading the previous person's post.

I'm so sorry... I know exactly what you are talking about.  It is the worst thing in the world.

When that happens to me, all I want to do is sleep.  Sleep as long as possible, possibly forever.

But enough about me.  I really hope things get better for you.  I know they will.

PPE: Pufferfish ninja'd me in saying what I was saying.

[mastahcheese]

Well, being on the forums helps, in that it takes my mind off of real life for a bit, so does video games and the like.

Right now, I'm actually going through my email that I never get on and deleting the (oh my god I just realized this) over 9000 (yes, I'm serious) junk emails that it's accrued since my last check.

[4maskwolf]

Well, being on the forums helps, in that it takes my mind off of real life for a bit, so does video games and the like.

Right now, I'm actually going through my email that I never get on and deleting the (oh my god I just realized this) over 9000 (yes, I'm serious) junk emails that it's accrued since my last check.

Wow.  I do that with all of the colleges who spam anyone who put their emails on the PSAT tests.

Anyway, yeah, the forums are really helpful to me, too.  I guess I'm starting to see a point one of my friends once made about online friends being just as real as in person ones.

[Gentlefish]

People are worried that the internet is causing a disconnect of person from person, but what we're getting, at least here, is a sense of intimacy one could only achieve with the closest of friends. I, at least, am not afraid to be myself on here, to share with you guys what's on my mind. That's rare for me.

I'm closer with you all here than with the majority of the people I see on a daily basis in the real world, and I'm so glad to have met you all and I worry about each and every one of you when you're feeling low.

[mastahcheese]

People are worried that the internet is causing a disconnect of person from person, but what we're getting, at least here, is a sense of intimacy one could only achieve with the closest of friends. I, at least, am not afraid to be myself on here, to share with you guys what's on my mind. That's rare for me.

I'm closer with you all here than with the majority of the people I see on a daily basis in the real world, and I'm so glad to have met you all and I worry about each and every one of you when you're feeling low.

This is definitely how I feel. I can't express myself with actual people at all, but I can here.

[4maskwolf]

People are worried that the internet is causing a disconnect of person from person, but what we're getting, at least here, is a sense of intimacy one could only achieve with the closest of friends. I, at least, am not afraid to be myself on here, to share with you guys what's on my mind. That's rare for me.

I'm closer with you all here than with the majority of the people I see on a daily basis in the real world, and I'm so glad to have met you all and I worry about each and every one of you when you're feeling low.

This is definitely how I feel. I can't express myself with actual people at all, but I can here.

I third this motion.  It's funny how that works.  I join the most competitive, paranoia-inducing section of the forums (the mafia forums), and find that everyone is absolutely amazing.

[My Name is Immaterial]

STHAP. THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD FEELINGS IN THIS THREAD. YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP FROM THE HAPPIES. QUICK, GET SOMEONE SAD IN HERE!

[4maskwolf]

STHAP. THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD FEELINGS IN THIS THREAD. YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP FROM THE HAPPIES. QUICK, GET SOMEONE SAD IN HERE!

I suppose I could go on a rant about things, but what would be the fun in that?

[Gentlefish]

Good! It's making me tear up a little too! Because you're all beautiful and important people!

[mastahcheese]

I'm still clearing out my email, and still have over 8000 to go.

I'm getting there, so have them sads.

[4maskwolf]

Good! It's making me tear up a little too! Because you're all beautiful and important people!

Pufferfish throws a derail at the thread about sadness.  It strikes the sadness in the lower body, bruising the gut.  The sadness looks sick.

[mastahcheese]

I should really get back in modding DF one of these days.

I miss it sometimes.

[4maskwolf]

I should really get back in modding DF one of these days.

I miss it sometimes.

I should mod people from the forums into my games as megabeasts.