I am sad today again, because of work.
I can't even say what it is in work that makes me sad and angry anymore, because all the details are gone.
Every day is indistinguishable from the previous, and the next. It's all become this homogenized mess of irritations, and I can't even recall specific events anymore. Even what happened today, I can't even tell you what happened just 7 hours ago because it's already gone. It's started to become such a short length of time now that on days that aren't that bad, I forget before I even get home, and it's only a 15 minute drive. Not even that, more like 10.
I remember what I thought about. I usually brainstorm ideas while I'm at work. My body just operates on autopilot, like a robot. And I know this because I had even thought about writing out this very post while at work. Even this part right now, where I'm writing about thinking about writing, I've already thought it through, because work literally requires zero conscience thought anymore. I feel like a gear in a machine, that people will never notice until it stops working properly.
I feel drained by this. The new pain medicine isn't helping in that aspect, it makes me so tired and makes it hard to focus. At least it helps my back pains a bit, but my mind feels fried. I'm just so tired, I've worked there for nearly two years now, and I just feel like giving up, like I can't handle another day of it.