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[Descan]

Addict yourself to something else.

No, seriously. Have something else you do instead of smoking. Distract yourself!


Preferably not with something harsher than tobacco, though.

TV Tropes? Twitter? Pintrist?

I'm not sure if those are addictive, I'm bad at internet.

It's more like, figure out when you smoke more (Stress?) and find something else to alleviate it.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Or therefore you have severe issues to care about someone who acted in that manner towards you. There are many people who care for others who they should not.

"Should"? So you can wholly define a person because of a misgrievance they did in a certain point of time? (Wherein certain point of time usually dictates either ignorance/bias on the offender's side, or lacking wisdom and thought into their action)

If the offense is enough, of course you can. To care about someone else after they have made an earnest attempt to ruin you implies that you are either being dishonest or suffering from a dysfunctional perspective.

[Tiruin]

Or therefore you have severe issues to care about someone who acted in that manner towards you. There are many people who care for others who they should not.

"Should"? So you can wholly define a person because of a misgrievance they did in a certain point of time? (Wherein certain point of time usually dictates either ignorance/bias on the offender's side, or lacking wisdom and thought into their action)

If the offense is enough, of course you can. To care about someone else after they have made an earnest attempt to ruin you implies that you are either being dishonest or suffering from a dysfunctional perspective.

Or that on another hand you're quite wiser that 99% of the people who believe that paying someone back with hatred for their actions against you is a good idea.

It isn't, though the regular norm somehow dictates it is. It helps nobody except your ego that what you did is 'just'. Still wonder why people forgive those who've done really bad things to them?

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Or therefore you have severe issues to care about someone who acted in that manner towards you. There are many people who care for others who they should not.

"Should"? So you can wholly define a person because of a misgrievance they did in a certain point of time? (Wherein certain point of time usually dictates either ignorance/bias on the offender's side, or lacking wisdom and thought into their action)

If the offense is enough, of course you can. To care about someone else after they have made an earnest attempt to ruin you implies that you are either being dishonest or suffering from a dysfunctional perspective.

Or that on another hand you're quite wiser that 99% of the people who believe that paying someone back with hatred for their actions against you is a good idea.

It isn't, though the regular norm somehow dictates it is. It helps nobody except your ego that what you did is 'just'. Still wonder why people forgive those who've done really bad things to them?

There is nothing wise about letting yourself be abused, or validating the ideas of abusers.

I don't wonder, I know exactly why. And they're wrong. It is unhealthy to love bad people.

[Vector]

There is nothing wise about letting yourself be abused, or validating the ideas of abusers.

The joke's on you, friend.  His argument was yours.  And--after all he said, and did, and threatened, I have remained true to my beliefs, and not to his.

He just tried to use substantially more force in his persuasions.

EDIT: And seriously, I'm not allowing myself to be abused.  Why do you think that I have to have any contact with someone to wish them well?  Because they won't see the impacts of my well-wishing?

[gman8181]

Yeah, smoking and alcoholism sort of run in the family, so I've seen my fair share of it's negative aspects. All of my grandparents except one smoked, along with most of their parents, as well as my uncle and one of my aunts, yada yada. I won't go into the drinking.

I suppose what it comes down to is poor coping mechanisms. I've never really handled stress, sadness or other negative emotions well and I often feel way too overwhelmed by work and life to seek out or participate in more healthy activities. If I only have five minutes of free time, smoking a cigarette is just enough to make me feel like I got something for myself in. Otherwise my mood starts to steadily decline which spirals into other poor coping mechanisms. Ironically enough, participating in this forum and goofing off with L4D and Dwarf Fortress or watching cheesy horror movies are some of my other coping mechanisms due to how they're rather cheap and easy to fit into my schedule. Yet for whatever reason, the people I know give me more shit for liking those things than they do for my other habits. Why are you wasting your time watching tv, playing video games and goofing off on the computer instead of doing something productive or going out? Well sorry but I've been working all day, feel completely drained and I don't have enough money to do anything else on my free time, even assuming I wasn't too damn exhausted to do anything anyway. Oh that's the other thing. I'm not sure why but I'm really tired all the time, probably from sleep deprivation, and even when I try and catch up on the weekends, I still feel like crap. Also frequent migraines are totally a thing for me, even before I started smoking and had to deal with nicotine withdraw.

[Tiruin]

There is nothing wise about letting yourself be abused, or validating the ideas of abusers.

I don't wonder, I know exactly why. And they're wrong. It is unhealthy to love bad people.

There is in sticking to your own ideals despite what anyone else did to you in said context, and learning to love them back--not because of the abuse (I mean..wat.) but because of the deeper and less noticed part (ok, maybe not even noticed and no, I'm not talking about anything relating to Stockholm syndrome or..something along those lines) but about-the-love-that-I-can't-define-right-now-because-english-fails-me.

...I think the term was 'being human when others won't be human to you'.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

There is nothing wise about letting yourself be abused, or validating the ideas of abusers.

The joke's on you, friend.  His argument was yours.  And--after all he said, and did, and threatened, I have remained true to my beliefs, and not to his.

He just tried to use substantially more force in his persuasions.

EDIT: And seriously, I'm not allowing myself to be abused.  Why do you think that I have to have any contact with someone to wish them well?  Because they won't see the impacts of my well-wishing?

You may not be allowing yourself to be abused, but you are validating him. If you still care about him after what he did to you, who's to say someone else won't separate themselves from him? Abuse can and should be met with hatred. It's the right thing to do.

It seems we're all forgetting the human aspect, the respect and love one might have for another human life, human consciousness, that may yet go on to live a full life or get what's coming to them. D'you have it in you to go beyond petty hatred?

It's not petty. Every day I pass by people who just sit and let the toxic influences in their life fester and destroy them. It's a real threat. And if you don't react appropriately to toxic people, you are putting yourself in great danger.

[Tiruin]

You may not be allowing yourself to be abused, but you are validating him. If you still care about him after what he did to you, who's to say someone else won't separate themselves from him? Abuse can and should be met with hatred. It's the right thing to do.

Justifying hurt with hatred?
...And seeing it as right? Um.
I disagree and say that that's the superficial thought on the matter but...the bolded part goes totally off the tangent there in assuming. I've no comment on why you would even do that and state it's right without further...anything.

Must just be me, huh. Hate is poison, is all I say.

I'll throw this in:
Love makes very little sense. Attempts to rationalise it are pretty much doomed to failure.

Someone could have beaten you to an inch of your life and be a shithead in every sense of the word, and you can still love them. Because fuck logic.

Where is makes sense to is subjective. Opinions about love can't define love though because quite everyone has a different view of love (but most share in its holistic meaning).

[Pnx]

You don't have to have good qualities to be loved.

...
I... I know some people are going to think I'm kind of crazy for saying this... But right now, especially in the context of some personal stuff I've been going through, I think this is the most lovely sentence I've ever heard.

[Vector]

I'm validating him by refusing to agree?

I have absolutely no idea why you think my caring about him will influence someone else to stay with him.  Caring about someone doesn't mean you tell others it's fine to date them.  It doesn't mean you try to please them.

I could spend the rest of my life hating him with every fiber of my body for wrecking the person I could have been.  Or I can salvage what I can, and go on loving.  Cast away your assumptions for a moment and try to figure out what I'm actually talking about, please.

[Xantalos]

People seem to be arguing about definitions or something. I think.
Why are you guys arguing aout definitions?

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I'm validating him by refusing to agree?

I have absolutely no idea why you think my caring about him will influence someone else to stay with him.  Caring about someone doesn't mean you tell others it's fine to date them.  It doesn't mean you try to please them.

I could spend the rest of my life hating him with every fiber of my body for wrecking the person I could have been.  Or I can salvage what I can, and go on loving.  Cast away your assumptions for a moment and try to figure out what I'm actually talking about, please.

What you're talking about makes no sense. I'm not assuming anything, this is basic emotional action and reaction. What you are doing seems so incongruent as to be insane. At this point, I'm fairly certain neither you nor I will understand the other's viewpoint.

[Tiruin]

You don't have to have good qualities to be loved.

...
I... I know some people are going to think I'm kind of crazy for saying this... But right now, especially in the context of some personal stuff I've been going through, I think this is the most lovely sentence I've ever heard.

Pff crazy no you aren't. It's totally understandable.

You see yourself-qualities as x, others may see y and all of you may not know z, but may know a.

It's different on what influences your perspective

I'm validating him by refusing to agree?

I have absolutely no idea why you think my caring about him will influence someone else to stay with him.  Caring about someone doesn't mean you tell others it's fine to date them.  It doesn't mean you try to please them.

I could spend the rest of my life hating him with every fiber of my body for wrecking the person I could have been.  Or I can salvage what I can, and go on loving.  Cast away your assumptions for a moment and try to figure out what I'm actually talking about, please.

What you're talking about makes no sense. I'm not assuming anything, this is basic emotional action and reaction. What you are doing seems so incongruent as to be insane. At this point, I'm fairly certain neither you nor I will understand the other's viewpoint.

...You see things from a different perspective. I'm siding with Vector in saying that we see things from a different perspective (and..you seem to be undermining her here >_>) but judging things and stating it as 'basic' or being the most 'simple level' wherein others state otherwise without further explanation is...fallible.

If you will hate because of hate given to you, then that's all and good for your opinion, but please respect other's if they say otherwise when it doesn't seem to jive with yours, thanks.

[kaijyuu]

Everyone deserves to be loved. Just some who are a danger to others need to be loved while they're behind bars and/or in a straight jacket.