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[Scood]

My emotions do not reflect what I want them to reflect. I don't know if it's sadness but It's a generally negative emotion accompanied with lethargic behavior and a stomach ache. Is it fear? Why am I afraid of things that I mentally think aren't going to happen? Is it loneliness? Why does it amplify with every person I talk to? Anxiety? there's nothing to be anxious about.

Sometimes I feel like my emotions are just there to fuck me over.

[Gamerlord]

*hugs for Scood*

Don't worry mate, you'll find your way through it.

[Solifuge]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Currently spending time looking after my Grandpa. The guy who filled in for my Dad, basically. Grandma is out of town, taking a vacation from taking care of him; he's getting older, and the combination of a stroke and his age have taken a toll on his memory, and his ability to communicate. He struggles with words and expression, and when he does understand, he often can't remember the answer, much less convey it. He knows his wife is gone, but doesn't know where. He's upset about it, but when I ask how he's feeling he says "What do you mean?" and "I don't know." I specifically mention that he looks like he's down, but he says "I'm not down." despite the upset way he's breathing, and the look on his face. Maybe he's answering it literally as a joke, or from confusion? Or maybe he isn't sure what I mean... Or isn't feeling down after all? I can't be sure.

I proposed a few activities; have a few board games he can play, but he says he doesn't feel like playing. He perked up when I turned on the old electric organ he used to write simple tunes and sappy love songs on, and was able to talk me through setting it up, though he didn't seem to be able to recognize his songs. I mentioned us going out to rake the leaves, and he tells me he'll just watch (still got his snarky sense of humor it seems :I). He's taking a nap right now. It's hard, seeing him like this... he had always been such a brilliant, energetic man. And I know he's still in there, but I'm not sure whether I'm reaching him at any one moment, the way he comes and goes, mentally.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm reminded of my grandparents before they passed away. And somehow my tear glands start to work, again! >_>

Solifuge, you're doing the right thing. Be with him (I'm NOT SAYING THAT HE'S GOING TO PASS AWAY DX It's just that the memory-thing!)

Try being more personal with him..

When I was cleaning up after dinner, I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I told him I was sorry it was so hard for us to say things to each other. He said "What do you mean?" which is a common reply he uses when buying time to process words he has trouble with. I hadn't expected him to follow that up with "Can't you just say it anyway?" So, I told him, slowly, that I wished we could understand one another better, because there were a lot of things I wanted to be able to say to him. Then, he turned to me, with a half laugh, half sob and said "Why bother?"

It's a lot easier to deal with his senility when he isn't cognizant of it. Fought the cracking in my voice to keep talking with him while he was there with me. Had to wait until he went to bed to bawl my eyes out, which I am continuing to do. I would really like to stop feeling this thing I'm feeling right now... that would be great.

[Gamerlord]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Currently spending time looking after my Grandpa. The guy who filled in for my Dad, basically. Grandma is out of town, taking a vacation from taking care of him; he's getting older, and the combination of a stroke and his age have taken a toll on his memory, and his ability to communicate. He struggles with words and expression, and when he does understand, he often can't remember the answer, much less convey it. He knows his wife is gone, but doesn't know where. He's upset about it, but when I ask how he's feeling he says "What do you mean?" and "I don't know." I specifically mention that he looks like he's down, but he says "I'm not down." despite the upset way he's breathing, and the look on his face. Maybe he's answering it literally as a joke, or from confusion? Or maybe he isn't sure what I mean... Or isn't feeling down after all? I can't be sure.

I proposed a few activities; have a few board games he can play, but he says he doesn't feel like playing. He perked up when I turned on the old electric organ he used to write simple tunes and sappy love songs on, and was able to talk me through setting it up, though he didn't seem to be able to recognize his songs. I mentioned us going out to rake the leaves, and he tells me he'll just watch (still got his snarky sense of humor it seems :I). He's taking a nap right now. It's hard, seeing him like this... he had always been such a brilliant, energetic man. And I know he's still in there, but I'm not sure whether I'm reaching him at any one moment, the way he comes and goes, mentally.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm reminded of my grandparents before they passed away. And somehow my tear glands start to work, again! >_>

Solifuge, you're doing the right thing. Be with him (I'm NOT SAYING THAT HE'S GOING TO PASS AWAY DX It's just that the memory-thing!)

Try being more personal with him..

When I was cleaning up after dinner, I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I told him I was sorry it was so hard for us to say things to each other. He said "What do you mean?" which is a common reply he uses when buying time to process words he has trouble with. I hadn't expected him to follow that up with "Can't you just say it anyway?" So, I told him, slowly, that I wished we could understand one another better, because there were a lot of things I wanted to be able to say to him. Then, he turned to me, with a half laugh, half sob and said "Why bother?"

It's a lot easier to deal with his senility when he isn't cognizant of it. Fought the cracking in my voice to keep talking with him while he was there with me. Had to wait until he went to bed to bawl my eyes out, which I am continuing to do. I would really like to stop feeling this thing I'm feeling right now... that would be great.

*hugs Solifuge as much as he can*
I know how you feel man, my Great Grandmother is going through that whole 'can't remember things' thing right now. At one point she thought that my dad was her son and that I was her grandson. She completely forgot her kids. Hell, when she sees herself in photos, she refers to herself as 'mum'. And now she's stuck at home most of the day because she can't afford the extra oxygen tanks she needs to spend longer amounts of time outside.

[Lightningfalcon]

My grandmother had Alzheimers.  I remember going to her house when I was little, and there would always be fresh oatmeal cookies, without exception.  The day I realized something was wrong was when I went there once and there wasn't.  Eventually she didn't know who I was, and then didn't who who her daughters were.  My grandfather didn't have the full capability to take care of her himself, so my mom and aunts took turns caring for her.  She'd be in our house and wouldn't know who any of us were.  Every time I think of her I regret not wanting to go visit her more.

I've just been utterly miserable all day. No real reason why that's good enough to justify it, I just feel total apathy and sad-feels towards anything and everything.

Obviously the solution is to make a post to bitch about it in the sad thread. GG, me, GG. Blaaaagh. Emotions are stupid.

I get that.

I get that a lot, and then there's the guilt for posting about it or about the problem not being as dire as those of others. And then you write it down, and feel bad about writing such soppy filth that you've something new to feel bad about when after vomiting your negative emotions on paper.

It's a horrible cycle and I haven't found a reliable way to break it yet, but shoulder on, good Space Cat. You're not alone in your frustrations.

I don't want to post about some of the things I'm going through for the same reason. Some of the same things, actually. I'm stuck in the cycle too; I haven't found a way to break it yet, but dammit I'll try.
'Til then, I'll just offer my support to you guys. We can do this.

.
I've been feeling like that but with regards to both the sad thread and rage thread.  Having a terrible teacher or having something small happen is insignificant compared to many of the other things that people go through on a daily basis

[Gentlefish]

If I knew what to say to cheer you up Sol, I'd shoot me if I didn't say them. You're a brave and kindhearted soul and I'm actually hurting a little inside as I type this out. I'm gonna try channeling comfort to you though no medium other than your username because that's a pain no one should have to experience, you and your grandfather and family.

[SalmonGod]

I'll sort of echo Pufferfish and just say that you're one of the realest dudes I've ever met, based on the things you post about your life and the way you live it.

I've seen alzheimer's first-hand a few times.  All the men on both sides of my family are eventually crippled by it, without exception.  I've grown up far away from all my relatives, so I've never been too close to any of them.  I've never had to see the really ugly side of it.  But I've seen how creepy and deflating it is when someone forgets the people they've spent decades caring for, and how hard it is for everybody.  I know that eventually it will get my dad, my uncle, and, barring medical breakthroughs, me.  Nearly half my time is up already.

[Gamerlord]

*Hugs everyone*
Fuck alzheimers and fuck senility.

[RedKing]

*Hugs everyone*
Fuck alzheimers and fuck senility.

+1

I've stated before that I'm terrified of succumbing to something like this in a few decades. I've seen its effects firsthand though mercifully not on immediate family (yet).

[Gamerlord]

I'm planning to go wing suit gliding off the top of mount everest when my mind starts going. Probably while playing an electric guitar. May as well do something insane and awesome while I can still appreciate it.

[BlackFlyme]

I got my volunteer hours for school by volunteering in a nursing home.

I never did like having to go down to the ward where they kept patients who had disorders. I know it's a bit insensitive to say, but I found it unsettling.

It's a terrible thing to happen to a person, and I feel for you. One of the nurses specifically chose to work in the home because her mother was in that ward, even though she could never recognize her daughter.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I honestly have no idea what to say.

[SalmonGod]

I'm planning to go wing suit gliding off the top of mount everest when my mind starts going. Probably while playing an electric guitar. May as well do something insane and awesome while I can still appreciate it.

It's better to burn out, than to fade away!

[Helgoland]

On my dad's side, Alzheimer apparently was quite wide-spread... he's sixty-something now.
Fortunately I seem to mostly have my mother's genes, and they all stayed clear until they basically dropped dead. Should something like that happen, however, I'll do like my mom always said she would: Put a bullet through my head the moment I notice myself slipping. Better for everyone, I guess.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Most of the people on this forum are probably not old enough to have to worry about Alzheimer's before we cure/mitigate it.

That said, my family history is decently hopeful on the subject. No cases on my mother's side, one case on my father's side, but it only happened in her 90's and only got to moderate levels before she died. According to the family, she had no mental degradation at all before that point.

[RedKing]

Most. 

My 38th cakeday is rapidly approaching.