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[Graknorke]

I don't have the first or third.
Pretty much the only notable thing about my life so far is how unremarkable and uninteresting it has been. At no point has anything interesting, good or bad, ever happened.

[Euld]

Once again, I think an international Bay12 convent for the abused and depressed is a good idea.

 

[Pnx]

All three. Then again, I'm probably not the most impartial person to be talking about this. >______>

Fair enough, not like I was proclaiming to be the only one with experiences like this. I know something like at least a dozen people that hang around here have had some kind of experiences with depression/suicide, and I'm sure there's many more waiting in the wings.

If any of them wanted to come out and talk about their own experiences, feel free. I mostly did mine just because I thought V might appreciate not being the only one to be telling, "that story"...

Once again, I think an international Bay12 convent for the abused and depressed is a good idea.

 

Possibly, but only if we come up with a better name...

[MaximumZero]

All three. Then again, I'm probably not the most impartial person to be talking about this. >______>

Fair enough, not like I was proclaiming to be the only one with experiences like this. I know something like at least a dozen people that hang around here have had some kind of experiences with depression/suicide, and I'm sure there's many more waiting in the wings.

If any of them wanted to come out and talk about their own experiences, feel free. I mostly did mine just because I thought V might appreciate not being the only one to be telling, "that story"...

I'm sure if you dig a little bit, you can find most of mine scattered across B12. If anyone wants me to summarize for this purpose, though, I'd be willing to.

[Reverie]

I'm still ravaged by a depression I've had since I was 12. It has escalated slowly over the years, and now I find myself curled up in a ball on my bed some nights just wanting to die. Most of the time, I don't have the energy to do much. It pains me more to see others hurting, though, and I can't bother anyone with my problems because to do so would hurt them. I try my absolute hardest to be strong so people don't worry.

[Pnx]

I'm sure if you dig a little bit, you can find most of mine scattered across B12. If anyone wants me to summarize for this purpose, though, I'd be willing to.

*shrug* You don't have to share anything if you don't want to. It's your life and your story.

Closest I get to depression are those days most people seem to get every so often where nothing seems to go right, and you just feel like doing anything is pointless.

Then you wake up the next day, wondering why you were feeling so bad yesterday.

Unless you have drunk from the Dark Depths of the Bladed Woe infested waters of the Misery Falls of Agony World you do not know the true meaning of sorrow.
... How crazy would it be if I actually thought like that? Seriously bro, sad feels are sad feels, don't go thinking them invalid on account of them seeming petty in comparison to other people's...

I'm still ravaged by a depression I've had since I was 12. It has escalated slowly over the years, and now I find myself curled up in a ball on my bed some nights just wanting to die. Most of the time, I don't have the energy to do much. It pains me more to see others hurting, though, and I can't bother anyone with my problems because to do so would hurt them. I try my absolute hardest to be strong so people don't worry.

So... do you believe I'm being immoral by sharing my story and hurting other people?

[MaximumZero]

I'm sure if you dig a little bit, you can find most of mine scattered across B12. If anyone wants me to summarize for this purpose, though, I'd be willing to.

*shrug* You don't have to share anything if you don't want to. It's your life and your story.

I'm just honestly not sure that anyone would care. Not sure that anyone should care. I mean, the last thing I want to do is bring you all down because I'm a horribly broken person.

[Vector]

I personally posted because I realized that there was a lot of background to my current struggles that folks here really don't see much of.  My constant whining all comes from one unified source, which I figured I might as well air out once and for all.

[Reverie]

So... do you believe I'm being immoral by sharing my story and hurting other people?

Gosh, I wasn't trying to imply that. :S
I tend to be swallowed by negative emotion when I sweep everything out from under the rug in trying to explain why I feel the way I do. I become inconsolable and lash out at reason and I've lost friends this way.

[Sirus]

You folks get all of my feels and hugs/manhugs (as applicable). It's not as many as I'd like, but you get them all.

[Pnx]

I'm just honestly not sure that anyone would care. Not sure that anyone should care. I mean, the last thing I want to do is bring you all down because I'm a horribly broken person.

This is a horrible attitude. I mean seriously, why would you think we wouldn't care?

Be unable to do anything about the situation? Sure. Have no clue how to respond to it? Happens all the time.
But not care? Yeesh, what kind of monsters do you think we are?

That said there is a time and a place for this sort of thing (the time being pretty much whenever the hell you feel like it, the place being the sad thread in this case), and I really have no intention of forcing you to talk about something you don't want to talk about. But hey, we're here if you ever feel the need to do so.

So... do you believe I'm being immoral by sharing my story and hurting other people?

Gosh, I wasn't trying to imply that. :S
I tend to be swallowed by negative emotion when I sweep everything out from under the rug in trying to explain why I feel the way I do. I become inconsolable and lash out at reason and I've lost friends this way.

I didn't really think you did, I was just saying that this is a crap attitude. Seriously, whenever you have thoughts like that stand them on their head and see what they look like, it's a good litmus test.

[Reverie]

When thoughts race through my head faster than I can rationalize them, I don't even bother. Really, I can't escape those difficulties in my life which causes this depression.
I do try the best I can not to let my mood drop so far, but I am doing everything I can. And I am still hurting.

[Pnx]

When thoughts race through my head faster than I can rationalize them, I don't even bother. Really, I can't escape those difficulties in my life which causes this depression.
I do try the best I can not to let my mood drop so far, but I am doing everything I can. And I am still hurting.

I can empathise, really... It really sucks to feel overwhelmed that way. But don't go thinking it's somehow wrong or forbidden to talk about it.

[kaijyuu]

I'm here to reinforce that people (at least some) do, in fact, care. It's a horrible tragedy in the cases where friends/family don't care; if you respect us as friends, then don't assume us such monsters.


---


My traumatic life story comes from mostly self inflicted pain, with a touch of parental abuse and a dash of embarrassment/shaming/ostracization issues in grades 4-6. I've mostly gotten over it though; all that remains is some shadows of self doubt and loathing that crop up every once in a while.

The short version is that my religion, my parents, my brother, my schoolmates, and my teachers all thought I had some serious problem that needed fixing (mostly different problems, too!). And I bought into it. And I spent half my childhood trying to "fix" myself. In reality none of these "problems" were problems at all.

(ranked by how negatively it affected me, from worst to least bad):
Religion: Sex and sexuality is bad. (reality: not at all)
Parents: You're lazy. (reality: I have ADHD)
Brother: You're a crybaby and spoiled. (reality: I'm an emotional person, more stereotypically feminine than masculine)
Schoolmates: You're weird. (reality: I just had different interests than theirs)
Teacher: You're too talkative in class. (reality: if I'm an extrovert, it's only mildly. I was ostracized and humiliated by this teacher because she wanted to make an example of me)

All of the above: Stop being who you are and be more like who I want you to be.


I survived all this by knowing that I could improve myself. Someday, my problems could be fixed, I thought. I could be better, and then I'd be happy and accepted. So began the traumatic experience of trying to "fix" myself by conforming to other's expectations, failing, and then hating myself, rinse repeat. I survived though, and realized in time that all those things were bogus, and became reasonably happy with myself. What remained, though, was the ability to hate myself very effectively. I'm still very good at that.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I don't know whether you are lazy or not, but being lazy and having ADHD are not mutually exclusive.