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[Max White]

So let me clear this up. Here is the states of the USA:
Texas: This is where oil and creationism come from. Any claims that these two commodities can be produced anywhere else is a lie.
Washington: Everybody here is a lawyer. All of them.
Hawaii: That place where people only eat pineapples and surf.
Canada: This is the official United States ice hockey ring.

And those, my friends, are the 52 states of the USA.

[Xantalos]

So let me clear this up. Here is the states of the USA:
Texas: This is where oil and creationism come from. Any claims that these two commodities can be produced anywhere else is a lie.
Washington: Everybody here is a lawyer. All of them.
Hawaii: That place where people only eat pineapples and surf.
Canada: This is the official United States ice hockey ring. Totally not a secret puppetmaster

And those, my friends, are the 52 states of the USA.

[Sirus]

You forgot:

Florida: where every theme park is located and the temperature never drops below the boiling point.
New York: the only place where immigrants can enter the country. Also where every monument ever is.

[Max White]

I thought New York was the continent.

[IronyOwl]

Florida: where every theme park is located and the temperature never drops below the boiling point.

I thought Florida was the American Human equivalent to an elephant graveyard? You know, the older ones come, mill about, waiting for death?

You've also not accounted for where the US gets all its meth, and forgotten that Texas is filled with cows.

[Sirus]

I thought New York was the continent.

Sorry, no. It is an island, though, which is kinda like a small continent.

@ IronyOwl: That's what the theme parks are for, to keep the elderly masses amused until they die.

[Gamerlord]

Silly, silly children.

Every single state of The USA: a wretched hive of scum and villainy where no good deed goes unpunished and the place where the antichrist will be spawned.

England: the great oppressor
Australia: land of the badass
Ireland: one of the few places where you can walk into a bar and if you are even SLIGHTLY related to anyone in town someone will buy you a drink
Canada: the USA's older, more polite, less evil brother.

[Kadzar]

Florida is also home to the world's worst superhero.

[Max White]

I can't really make jokes about the Australian states, because nobody will get them.
What do you call a Brisbane driver within the speed limit? A tourist! See, now who ever knows where Brisbane is, really? Not I, that's for sure.

[Gamerlord]

I can't really make jokes about the Australian states, because nobody will get them.
What do you call a Brisbane driver within the speed limit? A tourist! See, now who ever knows where Brisbane is, really? Not I, that's for sure.

I get it!

[Max White]

We have...
Sydney: The Australian capital.
Canberra: Worlds largest round about.
Melbourne: Hipsters be here!
Brisbane: That place dad took you on vacation.
Darwin: Its like if the wild west was full of water and deadly animals.
Perth: Nobody knows, because nobody has ever come back!
Hobart: Formally known as Innsmouth.

[SalmonGod]

Supposedly there's such a thing as a Wisconsin accent, but I've never met anyone who talks like the stereotype. Maybe it's based on the Northerners? God knows what they get up to up there.

Also, said stereotypical Wisconsin accent sounds somewhat like the stereotypical Minnesotan accent, though I don't think I've encountered a possessor of that dialect either (though I haven't spent much time there, so it could be true).

My whole extended family.  Plenty of people in that region actually speak with that stereotypical accent.  I used to be able to mimic it perfectly, but I haven't spent nearly as much time around it over the last 10 years or so.

[Gamerlord]

We have...
Sydney: The Australian capital.
Canberra: Worlds largest round about.
Melbourne: Hipsters be here!
Brisbane: That place dad took you on vacation.
Darwin: Its like if the wild west was full of water and deadly animals.
Perth: Nobody knows, because nobody has ever come back!
Hobart: Formally known as Innsmouth.

Hey, what about Adelaide!

[Mech#4]

We have...
Sydney: The Australian capital.
Canberra: Worlds largest round about.
Melbourne: Hipsters be here!
Brisbane: That place dad took you on vacation.
Darwin: Its like if the wild west was full of water and deadly animals.
Perth: Nobody knows, because nobody has ever come back!
Hobart: Formally known as Innsmouth.

Sydney: Too busy partying to get anything done.
Canberra: Where we stick all of our politicians.
Melbourne: Got class, sophistication and lots of business workers.
Brisbane: Uh, where?
Darwin: It's a city, between rebuilds.
Perth: Some city somewhere in the west.
Hobart: Supposedly a nice place, if it wasn't further south then Melbourne.
Addition: Adelaide: I think a football team is named after there.
 

[SalmonGod]

Wisconsin:  All the Cheese
Indiana:  Quite possibly the aforementioned source of all meth.  Also scientifically proven to be the capital of syphilis.