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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9751384 times)

MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60495 on: April 18, 2013, 01:09:27 am »

Do you think he'll take it any harder for you to just stop talking to him one day than to explain your reasons for cutting him off?

If he really wants to die, you can't stop him. It's ultimately his own choice, ill-informed as it may be, as to live or die. Even if you were to decide to keep dealing with him to "keep him from killing himself", he still might kill himself.
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Quote from: Thomas Paine
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.
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Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60496 on: April 18, 2013, 01:14:13 am »

My problem is that at this point my amount of caring is going down to zero, and it's making me deal with this situation rather ungracefully.  And possibly in a way that other people would consider amoral.  I don't have the emotional energy to deal with this, I told him that, and he seems to be under the impression that if he's just depressed enough that will change.  Or something.  I don't know.

I'm finding myself rather lacking in compassion at present.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

Vattic

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60497 on: April 18, 2013, 04:11:20 am »

Do you think he'll take it any harder for you to just stop talking to him one day than to explain your reasons for cutting him off?

One of my mum's circle of friends is depressed and often suicidal. She is known for sending texts through the night and for long phone calls. My mum is the only person who was still willing to listen, but just recently she did similar to what you suggest: let her know why and simply cut her off for a couple of days. It seems to have helped the situation, broke the habit I suppose, and she's sought professional help.
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kaijyuu

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60498 on: April 18, 2013, 04:24:55 am »

Abandoning him is probably the worst thing you could possibly do, but do make sure that whatever help you're providing is actually helping. Make sure he's getting professional help for one thing.
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

Truean

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60499 on: April 18, 2013, 04:27:05 am »

This is never a good scenario. You wanna be nice to the person, but the emotional cost to you is high sometimes. I actually have this problem too with a lot of people, wet shoulder syndrome, from letting them cry on it. I really wish there were some way to help these people in our throw away society
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Neonivek

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60500 on: April 18, 2013, 04:46:22 am »

This is never a good scenario. You wanna be nice to the person, but the emotional cost to you is high sometimes. I actually have this problem too with a lot of people, wet shoulder syndrome, from letting them cry on it. I really wish there were some way to help these people in our throw away society

It is mostly the loss of the community that can somewhat be attributed to this. Studies show that abnormal behavior tends to go away more often in strong communities without medication then in weak ones that medicate.

Depression will likely never go away forever even with professional help. Even I still get depression bouts of a month in length.
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Reudh

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60501 on: April 18, 2013, 09:53:22 am »

This is never a good scenario. You wanna be nice to the person, but the emotional cost to you is high sometimes. I actually have this problem too with a lot of people, wet shoulder syndrome, from letting them cry on it. I really wish there were some way to help these people in our throw away society

I know this, and I know this far too well.

Dutchling

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60502 on: April 18, 2013, 10:25:19 am »

Party at a club tonight. Not the kind of party I like at all, but I told a friend I'd go. I suck at saying no to friends, especially when they're so damn happy when I say yes Dx.

At least I can drink a lot and pretend to enjoy it. And my friends will of course be there so it's not all bad. But still, mehh :/.
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MonkeyHead

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60503 on: April 18, 2013, 10:31:14 am »

Trampolining accident sends a colleage to hosptal today with 2 shattered vertebrae. Not good.

GlyphGryph

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60504 on: April 18, 2013, 10:31:52 am »

But dancing.

Wait, is it a dance club?
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MaximumZero

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60505 on: April 18, 2013, 10:32:27 am »

Trampolining accident sends a colleage to hosptal today with 2 shattered vertebrae. Not good.
...damn.

I was going to complain about being in lots of pain today, but fuck, dude.
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Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60506 on: April 18, 2013, 11:09:55 am »

Look, I know I'm supposed to talk to the guy, but I feel like I'm... well, honestly, I feel like I keep on having my romanticism pressed out of me by blackmail.  From my ex's "I will punish you, and I hate you, because you broke up with me and dated someone else (after I told you to) and that was Immoral" to whatever the hell this is.

I honestly don't think this is his intent.  It feels like I'm wallpapering over what is actually going on with past experiences (I have had yet another someone threaten me with suicide as a way to extract the attentive behavior she desired).  But I'm kind of too worn out to do a good job of teasing through all this right now.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

SalmonGod

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60507 on: April 18, 2013, 12:09:49 pm »

I can relate from both sides.  I have been manipulated by suicide threats and emotionally vampired by a very desperate person who had nothing to lose.  I've also latched on to others who were nice enough to listen to my problems, and didn't realize that I had probably done so more than was proper until long after it was over.  I second the honesty approach, but with as much tact as you can muster.

I'm terrified right now of giving bad advice, but here is how I would imagine approaching it, given the limited information I have about the scenario.

Establish that you care, even if you have been depleted of the will to actually do so, because you don't want to invoke a 'nothing to lose' reaction from them.  Then tell them that, while you do care, you simply don't have the emotional energy that they have come to expect from you.  You think that they have established a level of dependence in this relationship that is unhealthy, and that it would be best for both of you if they sought a different form of help.
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Maybe people should love for the sake of loving, and not with all of these optimization conditions.

Truean

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60508 on: April 18, 2013, 12:14:48 pm »

Some people have infinite wells of need. Other people are exhausted trying to fill that infinite well.

Person A:
"I feel terribly and need something to not make me feel terrible."

Person B:
"I have given them what I can, and it does not seem to be enough."
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

kaijyuu

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #60509 on: April 18, 2013, 12:21:39 pm »

Having been on both sides of that equation, Person A still has it worse. But yes, feeling like you can't fix it is a horrible feeling.

Friends are important for depression, but so is professional help. The job of a therapist is to be a shoulder to cry on, whereas friends do that as a more social obligation/out of pure concern thing. Most depressives need both, as friends (especially if it's just one friend) can't do everything.
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.
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