Crap. Well, this girl I've been obsessing about is someone I actually happened to meet over the net, on a dating site. I just went on there today to look at her profile again, and noticed that she was logged on yesterday and that she'd upgraded her membership to the level where it's actually possible to seek out other people and have other people seek out and message you.
I lost it. I cried. I'm still a bit shaken.
I realized I couldn't go on like this, waiting for a right moment or waiting for my feelings to die down. I sent her a message through that site. Next time she feels good enough to log on, she'll see it. She'll see me laying my heart bare and saying that even though I don't think I could give her every wonderful thing I think she deserves, I know that I'd try my damnedest. And rather than slink away to try and shield myself from rejection, I stood as tall as I could muster and said I wanted to be considered.
I'm quite certain this will end in tears... My own. I'm rather certain she doesn't feel that way about me, and I don't know how she feels about getting sudden messages like that anyways, so I might be hurting whatever chance I had if I had a chance. But I just couldn't stay silent. I couldn't sit around on my hands blindly hoping after she'd reactivated her account there. I had to say something to relieve the pressure.
This really isn't something I needed three days before an exam. Or, indeed, at all.