Pnx, I agree with you. I suspect that a lot of my relentless freaking-out comes from the fact that I'm not as over my last relationship as I'd like to be. Honestly, I'm also very bored with my life right now, and I am bad at being bored. There's a lot of factors, but in any case, this is what I'm trying to say--this really isn't about the date, which I think was basically value-neutral, leaning positive. If I have to fight for a guy, that's fine. Next time I'll make sure I've slept better and had a few good days before I go out with someone, and that will help a lot with the being-boring problem.
It's probably mostly that I don't feel like myself. I felt like I was done regaining what I'd lost from my period of mental illness, and I was running at full power, but now I can intensely feel my dullness, physically and mentally, once again. Or maybe I'm done recovering and can just feel the next gap I need to jump to become more powerful. But what I'm saying is, I've come to see this through a lot of reminders in the past week or so, and right in the middle of thinking about a new relationship is a very bad time.
Well, anyway. Things will be okay. Two girlfriends have offered their services for communal belly-aching and I'm about to start an exciting new origami project, so, you know. I think it'll be alright.